A Break with Tradition: some sadness; some decisions

[catherine]

So, unbelievably, for 36 years, we have had the same united Christmas with the kids (I posted some of our traditions on the Traditions thread).

This year, a) we're going up to VT to be with our 3 VT kids but b) my oldest, now-married-and-a-father son will not be coming. My BIL also refuses to make the 7 hour trip to VT.

So, it's likely that no one will be in our house all holiday season--when we see my married son, we'll most likely go to their house.

I'm torn about doing a full-blown Christmas decoration of the house, as I usually do. While it's a lot of work, it cheers me up, so I'm thinking of just cutting back on it a little. I'm sad enough that this will be the very first Christmas that we won't have any time together as a full-blown family, and I'm afraid if I don't do some decorating, it will be very depressing for me.

What would you do?

[Yossarian]

Do as much as feels good and stop. No reason not to do that much. No need to do more.

[iris lilies]

If it cheers you up, why wouldn't you do it? Do some decorating for sure.

Me--I don't do much because come January I loathe taking it all down. Fun to put up, ordeal to take down.

but if you don't mind taking it all down, do some decorating. But certainly cut back form previous years. Tree--unnecssary. Wreaths and lights, something indoor and outdoor. That's my formula.

We have brand new houses across the street, and several of them owned by young people and it's their first house (how single people can afford $350,000 houses is beyond me, but another story, and one of them is $560,000.) They are all so excited to decorate for Christmas! It's adorable, and bless their hearts for bringing lights and cheer to our dark street.

[catherine]

Thanks, Yossarian and iris lilies. It seems like a very obvious answer, but I guess I've always really done it all for the kids (I thought). Now it's occurring to me that I did it for me as well. So I'm trying to find out where is that point along the continuum between doing what I will enjoy vs. doing what will wear me out.

DH doesn't want to do anything because he thinks it's a waste of time, and buying a tree, he feels, is definitely a waste of money. But I have all these wonderful "memento" ornaments I've collected over the years, and I hate to think of them unappreciated this season. It will make me feel like I'm getting old. So, I might get a really cheap "charlie brown" tree.

[Gardenarian]

Sure, do some decorating. It's always fun to watch the glow of the tree.
Maybe you can Skype with your kids on Christmas?

It may be that this will be the way your future Christmases will go, so I would try to set a happy pattern now.
I'm sorry you'll be missing them during the holidays.

[iris lilies]

You can always hang ornaments in places other than a traditional Christmas tree.

1) Fireplace mantle arrangements
2) from chandeliers
3) greenery going up the staircase banister, hang ornaments (though this is likely as much trouble as a small tree)
4) hang them on your indoor plants if you have them

and "Charlie brown" trees are straggly one. Tiny, perfect trees are jewels of greenery. small is beautiful!

[rodeosweetheart]

This will be our eighth Christmas without the family together. It is definitely a sad time of transition, but you have to move on down that road with family, don't you? No choice, they reconfigure, they have babies, etc. You are so lucky to be going to Vermont with most of your kids!!

I would personally go with tree and wreath, but I have done years with no trees, but it made me sad. My thing-that-makes-it-feel-like Christmas is actually my collection of Ikea Swedish Christmas lights holders--wood with little European bulbs. They are what makes it seem like Christmas, so I dig them out (and should be doing that now, actually) and put them up and then see where the spirit moves. But when I have done the tree, it has helped.
On the other hand, if I were traveling to Vermont to be with family, I might just do the lights and a wreath!

I also like these dumb 50's ish signs that say Merry Christmas and things like that--kind of tacky but I like them, so I will find them packed away and place them around.

What are your things-that-make-it feel-like Christmas?

And actually, Christmas light can be awesome. ONe year when we lived in Beaufort, I did not decorate at all, but I noticed Christmas decorating was much minimized in South Carolina, where it doesn't look like winter. It was rather freeing, rather nice. The only Christmas thing we did that year was listen to some guys playing brass instruments from the Marine Corps band, who were standing around down town moonlighting to collect beer money for a party. It was quite lovely.

It's also fun to go to a completely different mass--like Christmas day. Get away from the massive family scene of Christmas eve, and enjoythe simplicity and loveliness of the church.

Anyway, you will find your way, and you are also getting the family Christmas in Vermont--enjoy!
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[nswef]

I enjoy reading how people celebrate or not. I've had years with no tree, years with a decorated tree, but for the last couple of years I have my 3.5 foot tree that goes on an end table, lights on and that's about it. The skirt- plaid of course- around the bottom and wax figures my husband loves- Santa, carolers etc. I have a tiny white nativity somewhere, but not sure where it is now. I make sticky buns to take to my sister's for Christmas morning and that's about it. I love the lights. I love that other people LOVE to decorate and do it. I like that people try to be nicer to each other. Enjoy whatever you do.

[Yossarian]

So, I might get a really cheap "charlie brown" tree.

I think a mini tree would be ideal. It can still say "Christmas" and convey the season without becoming a chore :-)

[awakenedsoul]

I would definitely decorate! Maybe a minimized version...This thread just inspired me to quickly put up my Christmas decorations. I have a box of them under my bed. I don't have much, so it's simple and easy to hang everything. I don't get a Christmas tree; my cottage is too small. I hang a stuffed gingerbread man and two stuffed red and green dog bones on my front gate. I put a wreath on the front door, and one string of icicle lights on the front of my house. (Tiny houses are easier to light!) I just laid the strand out, and part of it wouldn't light up. I kept fiddling with them, and now they are all working! Yay! If I get motivated, I'll take the bus to Home Depot and buy some of those solar lights. I have two conifers that flank my front door. I planted them years ago. I like to decorate them as live Christmas trees. The solar lights would make it much easier, that way I won't have to deal with extension cords.
So, I hope you find a version of Christmas decorating that makes you smile, but isn't too stressful. For me, less is more. I also put out a few candles that my mom gave me, and a couple of cherished cards from friends. That should do it.
It's worse in your mind. I would just get started, and see how it goes. Keep us posted!