Dating a man 11 years younger...

[Marion]

I have read this entire thread, and sorry, just don't see what all the fuss is about. Haven't seen the disrespect and rudeness. In any other threads either.

awakenedsoul: please don't let this particular thread let us lose you. I've always felt simpatico with you (don't laugh, I have family in Los Angeles and kinda know Los Angeles, and have thought this last year that maybe one of these days, some vacation we take out there, that I'd try to meet you IRL.....) Silly, I know. I enjoy reading your posts.

I agree. I don't know what's going on in this thread but I don't like it. It smells like bullying/trolling and I don't agree with that sort of thing.

[Teacher Terry]

I also fail to see what all the fuss is about.

[Spartana]

As far what people have said about Spartana and I, I disagree. I've always thought that she was one of the best writers here, and she knows that. I try to follow the rules on this forum. Spartana has written that she likes to debate. Some people here negate the original thread, and derail it. They get away with it. Spartana stopped doing that with my threads and we've been conversing here since then. She also has had huge issues with Packy, and went off on him. Then she apologized on a separate thread for her behavior. He started mocking her apology, (calling it insincere,) and started baiting her again. I'm surprised the rest of you can't see that.

Hi Guys! (waving like a maniac) - I haven't been to this site in awhile but saw this post so wanted to respond. What AWS says above is all true. I agreed to not comment on threads started by her in "debate" form or in disagreement so as to keep the direction or tone she wanted to keep her posts and I removed my posts to get out of those discussions. While I personally don't agree with that method for forum discussions (and was a bit hurt that my comments were taken as negative or combative when they weren't meant to be), I felt that it was important to her and, out of respect for that and for other forum members as well, I would do that. Even my beef with the Pacman's littlebitty rants didn't drive me away, but yes I find myself posting less because I know that a tirade from him will follow like they do on most threads and my inability to not respond in kind. But really I've just been busy doing stuff. Do miss coming here though and all the people. So will try to hang around a bit more.

As for the OP, I also have been dating a guy younger than me by 10 years. We have ended it recently because of some incompatibilities on the work/retirement thing (he plans to work another 20 years and I am already retired and want to be free to travel long periods of time). But otherwise we had no real age-related differences that were a problem. Like me (who is divorced from my younger DH), he is divorced with no kids, pretty much a simple living sporty guy (met him playing volleyball a couple of years ago), and we had a lot in common. So dating a younger guy can be great. I personally prefer it to dating an older guy because, in my experience, some older guys (say over 50) often want more traditional gender role based relationship and that's not for me. Otherwise I saw go for it! No need to think marriage or even a long term commitment. Just be honest with him about what you do want for the present, as well as what you may want in the future, and see where it goes. If you do feel he is too strongly dominant in the relationship or has other issues that crop up from the past, try not to gloss over those when they do crop up (easy to do when you are smitten) and see him for who he really is - good stuff and bad stuff alike.

[kimberlyf0]

I agree with this, Marion, about your description of a successful relationship. However, I don't really think it's the norm for miserable couples to stay together long term anymore. Now back in my Grandma's day they definitely did.... These days usually once a couple becomes empty nesters and they find they are no longer happy together they move on. I've been married nearly 40 years and it's because my DH has always been my best friend, lover, support, etc. There is no one I would rather be with and vice versa. If I were miserable I wouldn't still be here, nor would he...

A long time ago I had a boyfriend who was kind to everyone, as sweet as could be, and he adored me. When we broke up my mother cried. My next boyfriend was arrogant and always left me wondering where I stood, believing that I wasn't good enough for him (and thus wasn't good enough for anyone so why bother leaving the relationship). My parents hated him and hoped that the infatuation would die out (and it did, but it took over a year). My mother told me that I should choose a man who didn't play mind games, didn't cut me down with his words (we didn't call it verbal abuse then, but it was), didn't make me feel like I wasn't worthy of his love. She was right; I married the kind boyfriend and here we are 25+ years later and he has never raised his voice or hand to me. I can't imagine ever being miserable. I've heard many time to look at how a man treats his sisters and mother, and would add to look at how he treats your sister(s) and mother.

[Spartana]

Shadowmoss, on a where-have-they-been-lately? thread, made a reference to another poster(Gary?) with respect to Spartana's absence. Apparently, they had differences of opinion pertaining to subjects they felt strongly about. It can't be littlebittyme, as I agree with everything everyone says, all the time. Well, don't I? I may be a bit shallow, but I really don't have any opinions about anything, except that you kids are nice. Also, I am definitely NOT a misogynist. I am just trying to help certain people recognize their idiosyncratic behavior, to enable them to change for the better. See how that works? Hope that helps you some. Thankk Mee.

Nope Gary and I were/are besties! We had (and still have) a very good relationship with a lot of ribbing and bantering back and forth (just no longer on these forums). I poked fun at him for working when I was already retired at 42, and he then tried to find something - anything - poke fun at me between his tears :-)! Now he is retired and so it's not as much fun (for me) when he sending me pictures of all his awesome long bicycle trips for months on end to exotic places. Pay back are a b....!

[Spartana]

Spartana finally just gave up and deleted her posts,

Hey Yarrow - just saw this. PMed you instead of going Off topic. But wanted to say thanks for your thoughts and concerns!

[Simplygib]

Nope Gary and I were/are besties! We had (and still have) a very good relationship with a lot of ribbing and bantering back and forth (just no longer on these forums). I poked fun at him for working when I was already retired at 42, and he then tried to find something - anything - poke fun at me between his tears :-)! Now he is retired and so it's not as much fun (for me) when he sending me pictures of all his awesome long bicycle trips for months on end to exotic places. Pay back are a b....!

"Besties" huh? Is this how you treat your besties, ignoring them for weeks while you're off galavanting all over the countryside with your child-like boy toys? I'm crushed. You even ignored the most awesome gloat-photo I sent of that desert sunset. Sniff, sniff. Well it should make you happy that I'm freezing again in the great white (ok so it's only raining here) north.

Sorry for going off topic, awakenedsoul. Being in an "age inappropriate" relationship myself, I say "whatever works for you." I never would have dreamed I'd ever be in a relationship with this big of an age difference (not the kind you're talking about - she's 19 years younger than me) and never went looking for such, but when we met there was an undeniable force pulling us together. It's been nearly 5 years now. I've been married twice and have had more than a few girlfriends, but had never been with anyone this "right" for me until now. She's my dream girl.

[Spartana]

"Besties" huh? Is this how you treat your besties, ignoring them for weeks while you're off galavanting all over the countryside with your child-like boy toys? I'm crushed. You even ignored the most awesome gloat-photo I sent of that desert sunset. Sniff, sniff. Well it should make you happy that I'm freezing again in the great white (ok so it's only raining here) north.

Sorry for going off topic, awakenedsoul. Being in an "age inappropriate" relationship myself, I say "whatever works for you." I never would have dreamed I'd ever be in a relationship with this big of an age difference (not the kind you're talking about - she's 19 years younger than me) and never went looking for such, but when we met there was an undeniable force pulling us together. It's been nearly 5 years now. I've been married twice and have had more than a few girlfriends, but had never been with anyone this "right" for me until now. She's my dream girl.

There you are you male cougar!! Why don't older guys who date younger women have a label besides..."guys"? Yep been travelling and e-mail down (just sent you one a minute ago but it also doesn't look like it went thru - will try again after this). But I am back at home now and I will send you many gloat posts and photos to to out gloat you - if such a thing is even possible anymore! Oh how I miss the old days :-)!

Sorry to the OP for going off topic.

OK just tried to e-mail you again and no go. Guess it's my e-mail account and not my tablet like I thought as it's not working from my computer either. Will try to get it fixed with yahoo.

[Simplygib]

(just sent you one a minute ago but it also doesn't look like it went thru

It came through. Are you sure the problem was with the computer? Or was it "user error?" Too long in the sun, maybe? Botox poisoning? Insanity due to too many barks from the barkinator?

[Spartana]

It came through. Are you sure the problem was with the computer? Or was it "user error?" Too long in the sun, maybe? Botox poisoning? Insanity due to too many barks from the barkinator?

Botox?! Heck us Californian women are all 100% natural (silicone and plastic is natural right?). Although I will agree to insanity as probably being the likely problems because now I get insanely jealous from your gloat-mails (oh how the tables have turned :-)!).

Sorry again for hijacking the thread while in search of gary as my e-mail was down. now we'll go back to our e-mail taunts and gloats at each other and won't ijack this any longer.