I was needing something to read while waiting in Jacksonville airport and discovered the book The Five Languages. I had heard about it here but had never looked into it as yet. I do believe in synchronicity so picked it up. I now understand that I am a "touch" person but knew that DH was an "acts of service" all his life.
Anyone else explored this theory?
As Cicero said, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.”
I know that I'm not a gift person. I am so much not a gift person. I think I'm an act of service person.Originally Posted by razz
I think of acts of service as being so giving.
And I think that anybody can go to a big box store and buy crap there's nothing special about that.
I'm definitely a gift person; I usually spend a lot of time trying to match just the right gift to its intended recipient. But I love acts of service. Every time I see some "fix" my beloved has done around the house, I feel thankful all over again. (In return, I keep him in vitamins, socks, and genealogy information...)
I am an acts of service person. My husband is a words of love person (he's very auditory.) To me, words of love has always had a "talk's cheap" connotation. He grew up starved for verbal affirmation. It is a challenge for each of us to remember to work in the other person's "zone" if we want to communicate.
Acts-of-service-person here, too, with a good sprinkling of quality time.
I'm not sure I'd denigrate any of the other languages as "nothing special"; they obviously work for others. The key is in being around people who know what each other values.
Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington
I have subscribed to the notions of this book since I read it years ago. The main point, I think, is not only identifying your own language, but that of your partner's and then being aware of that. And it's helpful if your partner knows what your language is, too. This way you can have a better understanding of where the other is coming from at times of petty annoyances, neediness, or communication challenges.
My DH is huge on Words of Affirmation. He loves to have his efforts acknowledged; he thrives on it. For me, I don't need that so much--really at all--- so it has been my job to go against my own natural tendencies and make sure he hears what he needs to hear. My love language is physical touch...so the poor guy has to make sure I'm taken care of...he's doing a fine job!
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already!
oh quality time is really nice, too! But it is the hardest thing to get around here.
My favorite "act of service" from DH was manifested in a "gift," i.e. a physical object, but it was something that he designed and made just for me. There aren't any like them in the world! I'm talking about special prop for city garbage cans, props for lids, that allow me to efficiently and easily toss in my compost material. I didn't know that I needed these things until he made them, and now I can't live without them!
Think I am spoiled because I like all five and DH does a good job naturally except he is not physically affectionate. He does so many acts of service for me. I really feel so blessed to be with him.
I especially liked that the author explained how learning someone's most meaningful method (of receiving acknowledgement and appreciation) and use that info in resolving conflict.
I was talking to a couple recently who takes in a student from a foreign country for part of every year. She was surprised one day to see a 10 year old boy from China screaming at his parents over Skype. Afterward, she lectured him about not shouting in the house and not being disrespectful to his parents who had worked so hard to earn money to fly him here.
Turns out he was yelling at his parents because he felt abandoned, discarded, and completely unloved. It was clear to me Quality Time was his big button. I mentioned the book to the woman - hopefully she'll read it.
I hang out with a small group of people who do most of the volunteer work in town. I told them about the 5 methods and asked around. We're all Gifts of Service types with one Touch. She's the hugger in the group.
I requested the book from the library because of your posts here so thanks!
oh God, huggers. Keep them away from me. Thank you.
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