Strange, talking about death.............

[CathyA]

Last night DH and I were discussing which choice to make on one of his past-job retirement pay-outs. We were talking like "Okay.....if you live 10 more years", and "if I die before you do", and "what if we both die at the same time?" Anyhow........it was a bummer for both of us. I can't think about death too much.....it just overwhelms me. I know we all have to prepare (or not) for our eventual deaths, but it was just very unpleasant. I feel like at 65, we're now on the start of "walking the plank", and every year we get closer and closer to the edge.

Maybe this should be in the spirituality forum, but I didn't feel comfortable putting it there.

I suppose the silver lining of talking about it is that we (hopefully) are aware of how wonderful it is to be alive each day. We will make the financial choice and move on. (closer to the end of the plank....haha).

It was just a very strange thing to talk about.......to guess how much time we might have left. And I understand that nobody knows how much time they have left.......not a new-born, not a teenager, not an old person. But still, it's a bit uncomfortable and distressing.

I just needed to talk about it.

[iris lilies]

We have those conversations all the time. In fact we just had one a couple days ago about pension payout and it's like what you're talking about, the ten-year gamble.

I think I might not be depressed about it because I haven't internalized thoughts of my own death. And that's a good thing.

I do think that DH will live longer than I will. And that's okay.

[lessisbest]

We generally use the term, "it's all downhill from here".... when we have these conversations and have made many of these decisions already, including having our memorial marker already in place at the cemetery, and our funeral information in writing (don't want to end up in a Casey Kasem situation - children VS step-mother). The hard part is deciding exactly WHEN hubby should retire, or should he work part-time for awhile.... Next month he will have 40-years with the same company. The economy is still a point of contention, and my crystal ball is in the shop for repairs...

My parents, especially my mother, wouldn't address this topic at ALL, which left a lot of decisions to me because I was their caretaker and had DPA, and took care of their accounts for them. My mother literally dropped dead at the age of 73, but I already had prepaid funeral arrangements and their memorial marker and cemetery space taken care of well ahead of the need while they still had the finances to cover those "essentials".

[Valley]

I'm 65 and I was just diagnosed with ALS last month. My husband is 71 and not in great health. We always thought that he would die before me and made our plans accordingly. But as they say...and we found out...life is a crapshoot at best!

[pinkytoe]

I am currently reading a new book called The Grace in Aging: Awaken as You Grow Older by Kathleen Dowling Singh and am finding it very helpful on that topic. With a Buddhist slant, she reminds us that all things are impermanent and the sooner we come to terms with that, the more freeing our later years will be.

[rodeosweetheart]

I know what you mean, Cathy. I keep bumping up against this when buying bonds and stocks--I am seeing things mature now that I bought 15 years ago, remember thinking at the time how long out it seemed, and now I am like, "Jeesh, I feel just the same way, and I thought by now I could relax and stop planning."
It's a bit of a relief though to thing a 30 year Treasury should last me just fine!

[Gardenarian]

Having recently gone through the retirement process, I have been experiencing many of the same feelings. The phrase "after my death" crops up a lot. It's not something I like to dwell on.

[CathyA]

I do the same thing, Gardenarian........I try not to dwell on it. I don't understand it.....but what else can we do? I try to be thankful every day that I have had the opportunity to just get older. Also, I don't want my remaining time to be spent worrying about not having it.....and actually making it less good than it can be. But sometimes, it's hard not too. I guess I worry more about my DH and kids suffering because I'm not here anymore. But.....it's part of life, right? I hope I haven't depressed anyone today! Let's tell some good jokes now. LOL!

[SteveinMN]

My mom, 82 years old this year, keeps joking that, at her age, she no longer wants to buy green bananas and have to wait for them to ripen. There's nothing on the horizon that keeps her from buying green bananas for quite a while yet. But we all have our way of dealing with the demises of ourselves and our partners and peers.

DW and I, in our mid-50s, aren't even in full retirement mode, though the money talks certainly have included discussions of survivor benefits and wills. In the next few years, we're planning to move someplace where we don't need to navigate stairs or drive, if that's what it comes to. We both know what the other wants in the way of funeral services, burial, etc. I suppose that's valuable to know even if you're starting out as newlywed 20-somethings. It's just a little odd knowing we're closer to the end than the beginning. But (ironically) that's life....

[goldensmom]

A friend once showed me a tape measure and said ‘this is the life expectancy of woman of our generation and this is how old you are’……think about it. Quite a visual. I think talking about death and the issues surrounding it, i.e. financial, arrangements, etc., is normal. I experienced the death of a sibling when I was 10, I know life can short or long so I learned at a young age that death is a normal part of life so I might as well not ignore it. I’ve read that illness and aging prepares us for death and I can see how that can be. The older I get, when I think of end of life things I‘m okay with it, in the meantime I just live every day, plan for tomorrow but know all things are temporary.