I took a how long will you live type quiz when I was in my teens and it said I would live to be 94. So I've always arranged my affairs with that in mind. I have my IRA withdrawals such that the money will last another 27 years. It's all a crap shoot but you have to have some kind of base.
A few years ago DH and I heard a friend describing her dying uncle say to her aunt, in fun, "I know the first thing you're going to do after I die is buy a new car!" Which is what she did--he'd kept her from doing it while he was alive. So DH and I sometimes joke, "If you die first, I'm going to ..." I think it's helped us with being freer to refer to the other aspects of dying.
In 2003 we too got a one-story house in walking distance of essential places--with old age in mind.
I think deep in our hearts we know that our comforts, our conveniences are at the expense of other people. Grace Lee Boggs
I've decided if I live to be over 105 and choose not to willingly hang up my hat, I can be someone else's problem.Originally Posted by Florence
Sorry to hear about your diagnosis, Valley. Kind thoughts coming your way.
I think about this a lot, esp. since my mother died 5 years ago. I wish I knew WHEN our "expiration dates" were--it would make financial planning so much easier!
A friend at my church just passed away suddenly---he was very vigorous and seemed to be in excellent health. I think he might have been in his early 70's I just can't believe this happened. I was just talking to him about his plans for his next trip. Breaks my heart.
PS--Just wanted to add: please, please, please, everyone think about the fact that if you live into your late 70's, 80's, or beyond, you will not be able to keep driving. Move to a place that has a walkable neighborhood before you get too frail to organize a move. If you have adult children who don't drive, please please please get yourself into a home that has easy access to public transportation. Our beloved MIL is living on her own at age 97 in a community that has no public transportation, and no local cab company. She is partially blind. And we do not drive. It is a terrible situation.
Rachel so true. We researched and found Mom a senior living community with bus service both by the community to local needs and a public bus at the entrance that would bring her downtown. She has yet to use that last option and I think I need to go with her and show her how it is used. Then when she gets downtown it would be 6 blocks we would have to drive rather than 1/2 hour to pick her up and another to take her home.
We are looking at various places and easy walking access to most of what we need is our most important criteria.
Great solution you found for your Mom, sweetana3. Great that she was willing to move there. We are looking for similar options and hoping we can get ours to consider a move. Step by step...
I believe that the most wonderful gift that you can give your children is not the money or assets but the peace of ind and knowledge that you have designed your end of life decisions so that they don't have to do anything to keep you comfortable, active and housed appropriately for your needs.
As Cicero said, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.”
It is a step-by-step process. I think it's easier in some instances than others. A friend of mine and his siblings recently moved his 93-year-old mom to the metro because she cannot drive anymore. It took a lot to move her away from the farm she and her husband lived on for decades. Then there's the denial ("Oh, that's for old people!"). And the fear of loss of independence (though IME this one pretty much takes care of itself as the older person becomes more and more isolated and dependent). Start early, start often.
Amen! I don't want the money and the stuff; I have enough. It would be enough for our moms to spend the money where they want to and to get the "stuff" to others who can use and/or appreciate it. DW and I have been working on our moms to get financial affairs at least known (if not in order) and to describe their final wishes (some people just don't like to talk about it). Preparing (you know it's coming; you just don't know when) is the best and final gift a parents can give their children.
Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington
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