The struggle between Simpliticy and Frugality

[Geila]

Hi everyone!
I haven't been on for a while, I hope everyone has been well. I've been musing on a simple living dilemma for a while and wanted to open it up to discussion. I thought I would post this out there in hopes of gaining some clarity, which will hopefully lead to some action.

Dh and I both grew up very, very poor and we've had to make our own way in the world. So we naturally lean towards frugality and try to live by the "waste not, want not" philosophy. But we also find that we prefer a clean, uncluttered environment without things weighing us down. The problem is that our frugal self recoils at the thought of discarding perfectly good things that we no longer use or need! "What a huge waste!" we think (because we would basically be giving it away after paying good money for it by donating it, as neither one of us wants to go through the trouble of selling it, and it's not very valuable stuff to begin with). "A big waste of money, resources, etc..." (because we worked hard to earn the money that bought those things.) Those are the thoughts going through our brains, we panic, and put the stuff back where it was.

And then of course, the stuff begins to weigh on us emotionally. I'm not sure why that it is, because we do have the storage space for it, and we don't have tons of stuff, but it affects me especially strongly. Having a lot of stuff around makes me feel claustrophobic. It's like the stuff sucks energy out of me. I feel burdened and depressed by it.

Here is my question:
For those of you who seek to have a simple and uncluttered life, while being frugal and wise with your money, how do you balance the struggle between holding on to things and letting them go?

I'm thinking along the lines of setting a clear guideline of usage criteria. Something like, things that haven't been used in at least a year go out. I think at some point, for us at least, there is an emotional cost to keeping things we no longer use or need. I'm trying to see that emotional cost as tangible and real to help with the process. Emotional cost affects quality of life.

I would love to hear what some of you have done to address this issue.

[herbgeek]

How do you define frugal? Are we talking just money, or do you mean frugal as using less of all resources, not just money? Keeping things in the house that you don't use costs emotional energy on an ongoing basis. So you are continuing to "pay" more for these items. Getting rid of things, or better, finding someone who will truly appreciate them, frees up this ongoing "cost".

[Oddball]

No struggle for me. If something is costing me more energy in claustrophobia than I put into earning the money to buy it, out it goes and I come out ahead. When decluttering a couple of times a year, I use the basic feng shui guide. If I love it or need it, it stays. Otherwise, farewell.

[Float On]

Stuff weights me down as well.....and I have a lot of really nice stuff (antiques, art, clothes, jewelry, etc). I try to always look at my life "from this point forward".

From this point forward I want less stuff so it's ok for me to let things go. I do have a antique/flea market booth that I use for getting rid of art, antiques, vintage, jewelry, etc so I'm making a little big back from the initial expense.

From this point forward I won't spend as much on buying things.

From this point forward I'm doing this for me.

[Geila]

How do you define frugal? Are we talking just money, or do you mean frugal as using less of all resources, not just money? Keeping things in the house that you don't use costs emotional energy on an ongoing basis. So you are continuing to "pay" more for these items. Getting rid of things, or better, finding someone who will truly appreciate them, frees up this ongoing "cost".

Hi herbgeek - this is how I would define frugal: economical in use or expenditure; prudently saving or sparing; not wasteful. We try to be frugal in all that we do and all that we use, not just money.

You got me thinking, and I realized that a lot of what we have are things that served a purpose but have been replaced with something else that serves that same purpose but in a way that pleases us more, due to changes in taste, age, etc. In a way, they are things that served a former version of our lives and ourselves.

Our one extravagance that we do indulge in is creating a very comfy home that feels luxurious to us (even if it doesn't to others). We find that we would rather be home than anywhere else, and that by splurging a little on small things that make our home feel like a haven (like pretty cushions for outdoor chairs, or pretty plants), we feel like we're always on vacation. So a $100 expense will save us thousands in travel costs, in addition to saving the use of other resources for said travel.

For some reason, this feels like it might provide some insight. I'll let it percolate and see what develops!

p.s. If I found someone who could really use this stuff, I would give it away in a second. Unfortunately, I live in the Bay Area, and no one I know wants things that are used, or hand-me-downs. I've been looking into various shelters, but all of them so far specify that they only accept new items. The easiest thing would be to donate to goodwill.

[Geila]

Stuff weights me down as well.....and I have a lot of really nice stuff (antiques, art, clothes, jewelry, etc). I try to always look at my life "from this point forward".

From this point forward I want less stuff so it's ok for me to let things go. I do have a antique/flea market booth that I use for getting rid of art, antiques, vintage, jewelry, etc so I'm making a little big back from the initial expense.

From this point forward I won't spend as much on buying things.

From this point forward I'm doing this for me.

Hi Float On - I really like this! I like the idea of thinking of this as a form of self-nurturing, rather than self-blaming or self-reproach. If I can turn this into a positive process, it would make such a huge difference. Thank you!

[Float On]

If I can turn this into a positive process, it would make such a huge difference. Thank you!

I meant to say "HI!! You've been missed around here and it's nice to see you posting again."

I think you can make this positive!

[Geila]

Oddball Quote: No struggle for me. If something is costing me more energy in claustrophobia than I put into earning the money to buy it, out it goes and I come out ahead. When decluttering a couple of times a year, I use the basic feng shui guide. If I love it or need it, it stays. Otherwise, farewell."

Oddball - I love this! So beautiful and simple. This shall be my new mantra. Now, if I can adhere to it, that remains to be seen.



eta: somehow my reply w/ quote got messed up. Have no idea how!

[Geila]

I meant to say "HI!! You've been missed around here and it's nice to see you posting again."

I think you can make this positive!

Hi Float! Thanks for the welcome. It's nice to 'see you' again. Life's been a bit busy with two puppies to train and cuddle. I remember when I got my boxer puppy last year you said it made you glad you didn't have a puppy anymore. Would you believe I went out and got me a second, and younger, one? But they are such a joy, that I don't mind the work.

And thanks for the double positive encouragement. Right back at ya!

[kib]

When I'm shopping these days I try to look at every item I'm considering and say to myself, "I want less clutter in my life. I'd like more money in my life. Will this help?" The answer is usually so absurd that I start to giggle. Oh, Yes, this purple beanbag chair will definitely help! It will help if it stays right here in the store.

Getting rid of things I already have is harder, but I like Float On's mantra about it.