Eating the elephant

[Chicken lady]

So the expression is that you can eat an elephant one bite at a time.

My elephant is fitting into my house.

This is a two part approach. The first part is reducing the stuff in my house. Ironically, the second part is making the house bigger. This is ironic because dh and I are at a point where most people downsize - all three kids are out or partly out (away at college).

However, family gatherings have always been in another state with parents and grandparents who have huge homes. Two years ago we lost my grandmother. Dh parents plan to move to assisted living in 13 years (or less depending on health). My mother will probably come live with us at some point. Hopefully our kids will marry and have children. There isn't a single room in my house that holds more than 12 people. forget "comfortably", that's standing room.

So we are adding on a great room with a kitchen that holds more than four standing people. after talking to the county engineer we decided the best structural approach was to extend the basement under it. External construction to be completed by winter 2016.

Meanwhile, all the beds have extra blankets because I can't put all the blankets away. There are too many towels. I last had all the books on shelves before the children were born, there is a basket of clean laundry in my bedroom because all the clothing storage is full, and the half of the basement that is going to lose a wall in the first phase of construction looks like an overcrowded, badly planned thrift shop.

I'm accepting that it's going to take two years to eat this elephant. I'm starting with my clothes and the basement. I'm hoping this can be a place to track progress and get encouragement.

Does anyone else have an elephant?

[Tammy]

I would choose to rent a small facility for family gatherings. They only happen a few times a year.

I am in a similar life stage with grandkids being born and parents aging. But I reject the social pressure to have a huge house for a few times a year when people visit. I live in 587 sq ft with my husband. We use public spaces, parks, restaurants, etc for family stuff.

[iris lilies]

I would choose to rent a small facility for family gatherings. They only happen a few times a year.

I am in a similar life stage with grandkids being born and parents aging. But I reject the social pressure to have a huge house for a few times a year when people visit. I live in 587 sq ft with my husband. We use public spaces, parks, restaurants, etc for family stuff.

i think that's wise. One of my friends bought 4 BR house as a single person because she thought she had to have a place where all children and their kids could gather. She owned it for a few years and not once did everyone come at the same time, and she regretted that action.

[Chicken lady]

But I hate going places. We live out in the country on a farm. It's half an hour to anywhere. Hotels are an hour. Our best friends in town have four kids who have started marrying and we get together as families. Their last visit was when I discovered we could all be in one room if half of us were standing. I want a house full at Christmas and Easter and thanksgiving and summer and birthdays and the day we freeze beans and the day we make jam or pickles, and I want to put grandchildren to bed while their parents sit out by the pond around a fire. I believe in riding tricycles in the house.

A family "gathering" in our family isn't "thanksgiving dinner" or a 4th of July picnic. It's "spring break", "Christmas vacation", a week in the summer. When people come here they come for the day. And sometimes they look at the bottle of wine on the table or the snow outside and say "can we spend the night?" and I say "sure".

[kib]

Could you maybe start with a nice appetizer of elephant ear soup and see how it goes?

In other words, get serious about getting rid of stuff. Invest in $200 worth of plastic tote boxes or some basement shelving for the things you know you need and want, and then shovel, shovel, shovel. Make it a goal to create a guest room that could someday be mom's. You might find that when all those Things go away, there's enough room for everyone. If so, you've just saved yourself $100,000.

And if not, the construction option will still be there waiting for you.

PS - don't answer if you don't want to, but are you in a financial position to do this renovation without taking a loan? Is your house paid off?

[Ali]

My attic and garage .... That's my elephant. Ive started on the attic and we plan to do the garage over Easter holidays.

[Chicken lady]

The addition isn't about the stuff. It's something dh and I have been planning for about 5 years.

Mom will have the master bedroom downstairs. Our girls were in it. It has a bath and a small enclosed porch that dd1 put her twin bed on for privacy from her sister, it's just big enough to walk around the bed. The other downstairs bedroom is 10x10 and we have a diningroom that used to be a front porch, a living room with standing room for 12 and a kitchen. Upstairs is a half story - dh and my bedroom and dh study but one big room with a 7.5 foot ceiling, 6ft wide standing room the length of the house with 45 degree eaves.

We aren't adding bedrooms or closets, we're adding floor space. The idea is to have a space that holds a large group of people. I grew up spending holidays in big living rooms full of several generations - (and then staying up half the night giggling with too many cousins in one bed). We'd tear out walls, but they're all load bearing. The new basement space is a nice bonus, but the yard would have to be dug out to put in drainage and repair the wall and we'd need to add heat if we were just going to use the old basement space as family room. We live on a beautiful 28 acre farm and we'd rather have a room with windows. The existing house is due for a new roof, so we'll roof it all at once.

The house is paid off and the money for the foundation - including drainage, grading, and new basement - is set aside. We plan to pay for framing and roofing with a loan, but we just stopped making "payments" to college savings accounts. The rest will be pay as you go - dh and our brood have electrical, plumbing, cabinetry, floors, etc covered - dh and I just finished replacing the second story windows and siding ourselves so I think we're being realistic about what we can do. We'll have the ceiling drywalled professionally. Our kids want to help and they want to come back. They're each other's best friends.

As far as "stuff" goes, I'll be getting two tall book shelves and an extra kitchen cabinet. Maybe a bench window seat with storage. The new space in the basement will probably get a ping pong table - which is currently in the barn so the kids keep saying "can I have the tractor keys so we can play ping pong?"

Mostly the stuff is an issue because it's in the way of the construction project and there won't be extra room for much of it afterwards.

[Chicken lady]

Ali, your attic is inspiring me!

[Ali]

Ali, your attic is inspiring me!

Thank you ... I feel really quite tearful over it today.

I'd love more space, outside not inside though. Well, maybe a bigger kitchen.

[Tammy]

If your community is very rural, if your family and friends are there a lot, if you can afford it, and if the real estate market is such that it maintains resale value considering the cost of the upgrade, then yes I can see that might be the best plan.

I just cringe when people take out huge loans for additions and then are disappointed when the house is empty most of the time. Didn't want to see you in that position.