Is it bad to dislike someone. This person is very alone. Because of things I know she has said about me behind my back I can't get past it to give her the support she needs. She wants my friendship but based on what she has said she doesn't really like me therefore I don't like her. But then I feel guilty.
Hmmm.....that's a hard one. Maybe she's alone because of how she treats people (yourself included)? I think sometimes, for some of us, we feel guilt when we're expecting ourselves to do things we don't really want to do. You know.....like we've been taught to not allow ourselves to feel what we feel, and to act on that.
Is she aware of you being aware that she's talked behind your back? Is she really pushing you to help her? If so, I would be honest and say "that's hard for me because I know what you've said about me in the past, and this just doesn't feel right for me."
Then again, if it's just your guilt driving you and your heart just wouldn't be in it.......then trust your feelings and keep your distance.
1. There's a difference between liking someone, and being compassionate. As long as you are acting with decency, you don't have to violate the boundary of your feelings and there's no need for guilt. Liking people is not a moral obligation.
2. Are you positive about the things she said? Would it be possible to say, "I heard you said such and such about me, and that is making me uncomfortable. What was that all about, Arugula?" If she had an explanation that made sense, or if she apologized, would it make a difference to you?
What does "she wants my friendship" mean to you? I agree with the other posters and to have friendship one would have to get past what was potentially said.
I would not even bother....Life is way too short for that kind of relationship.
Op, I hope this isn't the woman who is living in your house, paying no rent.
It is bad to dislike someone....it's a bad feeling. As long as I expect approval, love or appreciation from others, I'm a slave to anyone with a mouth. I can't allow my compassion to be lived without thoughts that others shouldn't say something they allegedly did.
If you read the above, you're already "past it", i.e. what she might have said. If you remembered to eat or get your keys or brush your teeth, you were "past it" then too.
"It" is your unquestioned thinking about what she said. Margene, it's simple confusion between reality and thinking.
It's hard to imagine her wanting your friendship and not liking you. That doesn't make sense, both can't be true. If she wants your friendship there has to be some affection there. However she could want your friendship and also be an incurable gossip, those could both be true. You don't owe anyone friendship. Would you even want a friend that was only doing it out of guilt?
Trees don't grow on money
Yes this is the woman who is living in my house. And yes I know she said these things. I dont think confronting her is an option. I guess I just have to trust my own feelings. I think she's moving soon.
It's not "bad" to dislike someone; sometimes it's your gut telling you "Run away!" If I found out somebody who was nice to my face but gossiped about me behind my back - especially if I had let her move in rent-free - I would give her all the support and help I could......right out the front door. And then I would change the locks.
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