Starting Over at 61 and Where We Messed Up Big Time

[corkym]

Have any of you reached your late 50's and older and discovered you still are living paycheck to paycheck in a job that is killing you and you don't even have enough money to go to the movies let alone money for emergencies or retirement.

That is where my husband and I are right now. Meanwhile all our friends are retiring and going to Europe, on cruises, travelling around the country in their motorhomes. If it wasn't for our son and his wife we would be in the street. They have done everything we should have done when we were young. They are financially free and pretty well set for their lives and only in their 30's. They are able to give to others whenever and how much they want and they do above and beyond. We can hardly afford to put a few bucks in the offering plate at church.

We have had major medical bills since our 30's, but in looking back I can see I made the wrong career choices and no matter what, we should have set aside a little each month in savings even if it meant we went without a loaf of bread for that week. The money would have added up by now. So even with medical bills we could have made different choices. We never went on vacations, or bought new cars or bought luxury items. We didn't have the money. Even though we lived fairly frugally, it really doesn't matter if you continue to make the wrong choices.

I cannot believe the situation we are in right now. In the last few decades of our lives and absolutely nothing to show for it.

But, there is still no excuse. We can start now. This isn't a self pity feel sorry for me post, it is a random out loud thinking and just wondering if we are the only ones sitting in this boat still out in the middle of the sea trying to reach the shore.

Has anyone else in their 60's started over with very little money and what did you do to change things? I love reading about other people's life changing experiences and what they did to turn their lives around. It fascinates me. And I would love to hear from you guys if anyone would care to share.

Thanks

[kib]

Welcome to the boards, Corkym.

Try not to beat yourself up. We all convince ourselves our choices are good ones while we're making them. And we all find out sometimes we were deluding ourselves. I tend to dwell on the past even though I've got a very good life, and I'm seeing firsthand that this laundry list of regrets is pointless. "There's no time like the present" isn't just a feel good motivator, it's the truth!

There is a site called Mr. Money Mustache. They can be harsh and some of them are very boastful about their successes or how they're saving 75% of their monthly income or whatnot, but if you post your monthly expenses, they're a great resource for getting ideas on how to cut costs.

What helped me on the road to financial freedom was deciding to save money, but it was also spending time with some people who made about $30K between the two of them and were nevertheless extremely happy and living a life they loved. This was back in the early 90s, and it was truly a revelation to me, that the whole "you need at least a million dollars each to retire and be ok" was a bunch of nonsense. What I needed was to understand what made me happy, which wasn't usually about spending a lot of money.

A couple of good starting places, I'd say:

1. Figure out where your money is going. The more detailed the better. It's easier to figure out how to trim your budget or get ideas from others about how to do it if you have some specific numbers or specific areas to cut down.

2. Get out of debt. I know, a four word sentence that can take years to accomplish, but it's important and it's possible. Stop accumulating more debt, pick a bill, and make that sucker go away.

3. Acknowledge that you probably can't have everything you want. You can have everything you need, though, and you can have many things you want (it does help if what you want doesn't cost an arm and a leg!)

4. Remember, there's no time like the present. You may be 61, but the past is the past, no matter how old you are, and your future is in your hands.

5. Come here and rant and rave and ask and share.

[corkym]

I love your positive response and the fact that "you march to your own accordion...." lol. Those are very good points, in fact I am going to print them out and put them where I can see them.

I do have a tendency to beat myself up in the boxing ring and I usually lose. The one thing we have learned is not to spend money on luxury items. One of the things our son and his wife helped us get under control was we used to rescue feral and stray cats for about 7 yrs. Very expensive hobby....haha. They helped us find good homes for all of them and when we get a car again I know I will volunteer somewhere but I will not make my home into a sanctuary again. That was one of the poor choices we made.

I love reading all the different stories on here. And I appreciate you taking the time to respond. And giving some very good ideas for me to act upon. I will check out that website. Thank you again Kib!

[lessisbest]

Ditto on everything kib said....and a few other things.

-When we left our 50's (hubby will be 64 in July and I'm 62) we set our home budget to the amount hubby is scheduled to receive from social security. It will quickly show you where you need to focus. We have other retirement funds, but this will give most people a good point to start.

-Get healthy and stay healthy.

-You will need to plan on working longer, and probably work part-time after you retire.

-If you don't own your home, consider moving to low-income housing for seniors. The rent is based on your income, minus your bills.

-If where you live is expensive, consider moving to where it's less-expensive.

-Go to the library and check out Dave Ramsey's "Total Money Makeover" book, and check out his web site: http://www.daveramsey.com/new/baby-steps/

[corkym]

Hi Lessisbest I especially agree with the get healthy and stay healthy. That was part of our problem. My husband was on dialysis for 9 years and it did a real number on his body. He was blessed with a transplant and it changed his life for the better, but he still has many health related issues. Then I had a heart attack they said was due to stress, so I need to learn to quit swinging on the trapeze of emotions and chill.
I know I will be working til the day I drive myself to the cemetary. We won't be able to afford someone to dig the hole for me, so I will probably do that too.
Our son bought a house for us to rent and so we are very blessed our rent was significantly reduced and he relocated us to Texas from Calif. Big Big Big expense reducer Great idea about Dave Ramsey. I still have his book, I need to get it out and read it. Doesn't do any good if you use it for a door stop.
I love your idea about setting your home budget to what you make. Excellent idea! I am going to do that too.
Wow, two replies and tons of good ideas already Thank you so much!

[catherine]

Your situation makes two of us! (or four of us if you count spouses).

I'm broke (well, I do have a small amount of equity in my home)--and what is even more maddening is that I changed careers when I was 46 and went from having a poverty-line income to a salary a lot of people would be envious of. And I STILL have nothing!!! How dumb is THAT?? My circumstances have to do with some very poor decisions I made with regard to "helping" other people. I've never bought a fancy car, or a Prada bag. I don't have a housekeeper, I don't buy jewelry, we don't go out to movies or plays anymore, and 90% of my furniture is second-hand. So what's a nice girl like me doing in a place like this?

Oh, well, I've beaten that drum all too often, and now all I can do is plan for the future. Kib's suggestions are great. As for me I plan on working until my clients won't have me anymore. I related to how you have friends who are all retired living the high life--I just went to a mini-college reunion, and that's what I found,too.

And, like kib, I find a lot of inspiration on people who don't need much money. I've stopped reading any article that suggests that you need a couple of million to retire..if that's true, I might was well shoot myself right now. I'm not about to do that, because, honestly, as my great uncle said, money is just a means of exchange. I have everything I need, right here, right now.

Your past behavior with regard to money is no indictment on your character--remember that. You may feel you've made dumb mistakes, but who hasn't? Congratulate yourself on raising a son who gets it!

Is there any extra income you can pick up? I'm sure you've probably looked into that, but there are lots of creative ways to earn a few bucks. I ditto kib's suggestion to go to Dave Ramsey and Mr. Money Mustache. At least you find a lot of support for living low income but large.

[corkym]

Hi Catherine - Well, you actually sound eons ahead of me in the smartness dept. At least when you made a career change you are making more money. I went waaaay backwards to the bottom of the food chain. My husband and I have always said the reason our son Tanner is so successful is he must have one day sat down with a pen and paper and made a list of everything mom and dad did. And then he just did everything opposite from us and that is why he is doing so well. So, really he has us to thank for all of his success I cannot believe the poor choice I made as far as working when we moved to Texas. I went from being a paid employee to a contractor with the same company. I am barely making minimum wage most days now after working for them for 14 yrs., because they pay me per report I do. When I moved I was making fairly good money for what I did. We are without a car right now, but when we get one I will be looking for something else. A Walmart greeter makes more than me and they don't have the stress. But you are right I too "have beaten that drum all too often" and it is time to move on and burn that bridge the past is sitting on.

[nswef]

I think you are very smart and brave to be facing reality right now C. It's hard and looking back is only good if it helps you make choices going forward that help. Otherwise just let it go. Much more easily said than done. You've been given many good suggestions that you can implement and will amaze yourself with your strength. You've survived difficult times and kept going. Pat yourself on the back and acknowledge what you are doing well. I'll be interested in following your journey.

[ApatheticNoMore]

I related to how you have friends who are all retired living the high life--I just went to a mini-college reunion, and that's what I found,too.

those friends sound highly abnormal as a point of comparison. No, not everyone arrives at retirement age penniless, yes some people are able to retire. But to retire and take trips to Europe all the time? Thanks frankly atypical, only the most well off can do that. Most retirements are MUCH more modest - maybe volunteering locally and doing cheap hobbies and so on - as long as health allows. I mean lets all compare ourselves to the tippy top in terms of income and wealth and how they live. But unless something is actually being achieved by such a comparison .... why look at such a skewed end of the income distribution?

True my generation (late 30s) is probably overall poorer, that generation was overall richer, so there might be slightly more people that were able to reach that.

I've stopped reading any article that suggests that you need a couple of million to retire..if that's true, I might was well shoot myself right now.

yes I mean I might try to rationalize that if I'm single it means I "only" need 1 million right? But I don't have 1 million ....

You may feel you've made dumb mistakes, but who hasn't? Congratulate yourself on raising a son who gets it!

Yea, the dumb mistakes - well at least the dumb mistakes weren't with parenting if their kids are doing well.

[sweetana3]

I have found that it is helpful and downright inspirational to read blogs of people who are living a frugal and thrifty life and enjoying it. I no longer watch materialistic TV shows where what you have and where you live determine a person's value.

Here are a couple of blogs where I have found some inspiration:
www.frugalqueen.co.uk She got really mad at the financial spot they found themselves in and decided to do something drastic about it. They now have totally downsized and are planning for the future for retirement.

http://meanqueen-lifeaftermoney.blogspot.com A funny little blog about a single woman in the UK who has little money and stretches it very far. She is creative and loves walking hostel stay holidays.

I think reading and following the steps of Your Money or Your Life can put some balance and knowledge in the financial discussions. You will find out where you are and start setting some goals for the future.