depression creeping up

[freshstart]

I have a ritual that helps me. This was once a dream and it has very positive feelings of love and optimism and clarity, I like to relive it before I go to sleep. I lie down fretting, and I see Mr. Ahn, a tiny old Asian man. He beams with happiness as he approaches me. "Hello, shhhh, yes yes, it is so very good to see you dear friend, do come with me."

does Mr Ahn have a brother? lol. And actually what you are doing does address real world issues. Imagine if everyone obtained the peace that you do. We'd live in a much better place.

I don't know if this would help you but it does seem like work stress is impacting you home stress. When I did hospice, it was really hard sometimes to drive home from an incredibly devastating situation and walk in the door and be "Mom". So I'd park in a park and just process what I saw that day, sometimes cry and then once I got in my driveway, I would not go in until I could be mom. Sometimes I sat a while in my driveway but my rule for myself was once I walk through my door that is my family's sacred space and I am obligated to keep it that way. I wasn't perfect, sometimes I'd see my kids, I'd be so grateful they weren't about to lose their mom or dad, that I would hug them and cry. And that was ok because I could turn it into a teachable moment. But if I did not at least try really hard to leave work at work as much as possible, I would not be able to continue that job. Then when I went to bed, I said a little prayer of intention for each patient and did whatever I had to, to not dwell all night.

maybe some rituals would help you.

Another ritual had a less spiritual bent and was my ex-husband's fav. When I was doing regular home care at the homeless shelter, and really bad bug infested homes, I took off all my clothes in the garage and bagged my clothes up. A couple of times my dad would be there and I missed seeing his car and he'd be appalled, "why are you half-naked? What kind of "job" is this? Jesus Christ, i raised you better than this!" I would get dressed and explain, well, this homeless diabetic guy who never took care of his diabetes (this could be you, DAD!) is slowly losing pieces of his gangrenous foot. Since he lives in the park, he sits in the back of my car so I can dress his wounds. Sometimes a dead toe lands on my pants. Would you like to see? It's right in the garage, no problem." He'd start gagging and laughing, but suggested keeping a change of clothes in the garage. End of ex liking that ritual, lol.

but seriously, try to somehow find a way to get this stuff out of your head 24/7. Do you have a bunch of things that comfort you or make you laugh? Maybe come home, give yourself a break for a while and watch Arrested Development on Netflix til your eyes roll back. Read an absorbing book. Is it hard to do things with friends right now? If not, maybe go out for a drink or a movie. Does your job have an EAP program? You can get free, confidential sessions with a counselor. And they can get a bead on if you are depressed and in need of help. I could be wrong but it sounds like you are still bashing yourself for the past, which probably seems horrible to you, but that's done, your employer has probably dealt with hundreds of more issues since that and isn't thinking about you as much you YOU are thinking about you. Like we said before, there is something to be said to keeping your head down and just doing what you have to do. If you are on an improvement plan, they should be telling you if you are headed in the right direction. And if management continues to barrage you, maybe just start looking at other job opportunities. Knowing what's out there, can make you feel better about where you are!

[Zoe Girl]

I got a pretty good review this time ..... and no raise to accompany it. No raise to accompany it ... No raise to accompany it Noone getting raises. Not even a 1 or 2% COLA. Maybe someone finally got a single raise after 6 years, that seems how long it takes. So I think I just tried to get in trouble since then since if there's no monetary reward in it all anyway ... yes I am 5 years old I guess .... or maybe 15 years old.

oh yeah i know that one personally. part of this year has been a little temper tantrum really. i did very well through about February and then planning summer camp and not getting that promotion, so i got pissed off. i also saw myself as a champion of the downtrodden with the homeless family account and that rarely goes well. i expected a bad review just not this bad, who knew anyone was paying attention to what i was doing by the end of the year.

So i am ready to deal with my part, and deal with them being jerks and stressful. i do have a job coach as well. simpler is WAY good IL, no yard work and such a small place to clean. everything is very cute here and i want to make more friends so i can invite someone over. i have had the depression makeup my entire life. i am glad i can see it coming and start to reach out and talk about it so that it doesn't get too deep. i think it was bad during the times i was making mistakes as well but then i didn't notice it.

i did go on that amazing hike last weekend. a full day of hiking and losing my way and seeing flight for life (not for me) and finding a trail again. i CAN do things well, i had everything i needed and physically i was able to do it and drive back and have minimal soreness the next day. i had really obsessive thoughts about work for the longest time until i got to the rock field, it went on forever and i lost the trail because cairns washed away. it was rather scary and i got to the point i was only thinking 'check, balance, step' over and over to get through it. then i couldn't see an end to it but i saw other people across the stream walking on a nice path. i scrambled down the rock, jumped over the small river and scrambled through the brush on the other side and actually found the trail! the whole day was a metaphor, how staying obsessed meant i lost my way or stumbled or simply struggled more. the process was more a process than an end, and a few times i had to totally forge my own trail but it worked out (not just okay but pretty great). so to me this means to slow down, pay attention to detail but now and then look up and see if i can forge my own trail when it gets impassable.

[freshstart]

so to me this means to slow down, pay attention to detail but now and then look up and see if i can forge my own trail when it gets impassable.

this is perfect

[Initable]

When you're suffering from depression, stress or anxiety as with any mental health problem there is a tendency to reach for alchohol, caffeine, drugs etc in an effort to block out feelings as a temporary measure. However this is not practical as it just escalates how you a generally feeling...

Try to steer way from caffeine or cut down, I know you cannot by alchohol (a good thing) as alchohol and severe depression don't mix together!

Take up a new hobby such as exercise, computer games, crosswords or anything that you show a particular favor or likeness to. Meditation can be helpful and stress-relieving.

Try St John's Wort a natural anti-depressant it can be taken in tea-form or as tablets, Valerian Root is a sedative and can help with sleep and anxiety it also has mood-stabilizing properties.
(But do not use if you are currently on any prescribed medication)

Omega 3 fish oil is safe & can be combined with St John's Wort or Valerian, it has been shown to be effective against Depression and Bipolar Disorder so that is also worth a go...

Now here are some effective home remedies for depression that you can easily try in your everyday life and I have seen people getting rid of it without any medicine.
1,get someone to massage your back and legs at least 3 times a week use peanut oil or a mix of 50-50 olive and peanut oil.

2 use the violet ray machine an Edgar Cayce device google search this --- 3 times a week on the other days especially on the spine….we use it every day with very positive results

3.get a tent sleep out side 3times a week utilising earth energy - nature can help big time especially with how you feel how much energy you have

4 study and apply good nutrition— adele davis books =protein minerals =iron essential fatty acids omega 3 6 9 protein etc

5 ensure your thyroid is working well get it checked

6 ensure you do at least I hr per day some kind of voluntary work when you are able..the reasons you are ill , or poor or have allsorts of bad things happen to you is because of karma -----usually from past lives but some from this one –voluntary work will offset your mistakes--- how much it offsets well that is down to god and how much you do. Healing us is in direct proportion to the help we give others ie your healing comes with helping others achieve theirs so if people are doing very little in helping others ---they suffer more and longer...and if they are doing a lot they get well faster....so now you know what to do ,,and like a lot of us are already doing being of service.

7 be amongst people who are giving, friendly who have time for you who love you , choose your friends well . choose your company well.

8 get to a place which personally love or like

9 do some work which you like or love

10 ensure you do no acts which hurt or inflict on anyone –don’t want to add to your karma do we !!!

11 spiritual healing and reiki find good therapists who offer this service in your area many spiritualist churches which are all around offer this for free as part of their vocational offerings to the divine.

12 focus your mind - think good positive thoughts, laughter, look at comedy, play good uplifting music,

13 avoid at all costs exposure to violence, murders, suffering ,death ,tragedies, -feed upon good things uplifting things, things that feel like a breath of fresh air..

14 Positive affirmation- t programme your self in the mirror , thoughts are things words are things actions are things , all have influence, few people realise these things can have an effect on themselves .

15 get a detox ------ toxins can influence how you feel big time

16 hugs get plenty of them in your daily life you would be amazed at how people feel after a few decent hugs.== find a big tree and hug that.
.
17 loads of exercise running walking climbing but something which you enjoy

18 light therapy sunshine /light box and vitamin d and ensure water intake 2 litres a day

[freshstart]

6 ..the reasons you are ill , or poor or have allsorts of bad things happen to you is because of karma -----usually from past lives but some from this one –voluntary work will offset your mistakes--- how much it offsets well that is down to god and how much you do. Healing us is in direct proportion to the help we give others ie your healing comes with helping others achieve theirs so if people are doing very little in helping others ---they suffer more and longer...and if they are doing a lot they get well faster....so now you know what to do ,,and like a lot of us are already doing being of service.

a lot of this is good, basic life habits but the above is kind of insulting. Karma does not hit you with depression for mistakes you made. Depression may be situational or it may be brain chemistry or a combination of both but it is not due to karma. Depressed people get told all the time, "just pull up your boot straps and get yourself together," a pretty hurtful, harming statement to someone who has an illness that is not fixed by just pushing through and trying harder. Blaming it on their karma? Come on, how much more can we come up with to make someone with true depression feel worse?

Yes, get your thyroid checked, but i would not randomly take vit D, get that level checked because if you are lacking enough it can contribute to depression and the dose should be determined by the level. Light boxes are expensive and we don't know if she has SAD. The amount of Omega needed usually for depression is a lot and expensive, if you are feeling like meds are needed see a doctor, I do not get taking supplements for depression when you do not know how much to take, just because something is natural does not mean it is always safe or the best choice. Lastly, I have never met a truly, clinically depressed person who can actually follow a list of 18 things and get them done to the extent you are suggesting when they can barely get out of bed and go to work.

I am not saying Zoe is even depressed, I'm saying I think expecting all of the above of any depressed person is a lot. If they are so depressed they need all 18 of these things, then perhaps 19 should be see a doc or a therapist.

[Songbird]

6 ensure you do at least I hr per day some kind of voluntary work when you are able..the reasons you are ill , or poor or have allsorts of bad things happen to you is because of karma -----usually from past lives but some from this one –voluntary work will offset your mistakes--- how much it offsets well that is down to god and how much you do. Healing us is in direct proportion to the help we give others ie your healing comes with helping others achieve theirs so if people are doing very little in helping others ---they suffer more and longer...and if they are doing a lot they get well faster....so now you know what to do ,,and like a lot of us are already doing being of service.

Seriously????? So every bad thing that happens to us is our own fault. I am to blame myself for having a debilitating stroke after a major surgery, and my dear friend that is dying from cancer, it's her own fault totally. I just can't wrap my head around this. I believe in karma to a certain extent, but this is a bit much! What if you're too ill to be of service to anyone? I guess you're just going to die. I've tried to help and be kind to others all of my life, yet I am not getting better.... I guess this would be a good topic for a new thread!

Zoe, I've been happy to read of all the positive changes in your life. Hang in there with your job. I know you are giving totally positive interaction with the kids and that's what really matters. I think your boss has real issues, in my opinion....don't let it get you down. I know it's hard!

[kib]

I'd have to agree with the criticisms of karma as some sort of divine retribution, I've always equated it more with the concept of going through school - if you've embodied wisdom from the lessons your life has handed you, you move forward, if not you stay where you are, or perhaps you even get sent back a grade to re-visit wisdom that didn't stick. Not that you will be punished with specific events like getting sick, more like, "sick happens" - who it happens to is a random occurrence - now what do you do with it, can you possibly learn from it, can you heal, can you make peace with your body and your life when they are failing you. I also don't see trying and not achieving those things as some badness, it just wasn't your time yet.

[Zoe Girl]

well sh** , i am working off karma fast (yeah i am pulling out of the black hole right now). i work at what is 'good works' so i can count a few karma points down, then there is the generally being nice to the elderly and hurt animals. Did i mention that i pretty much don't eat them (along with no alcohol, drugs, but the caffeine is not going to change). the entire concept of karma is not well understood, and not believed by many western buddhists. to me it is 'conservation of matter', stuff has to go somewhere and death does not fully change that, but a strict one-to-one soul exchange is not in my belief system.

So i can say this because i am not in the deep hole, i crawled out with a combination of medication, better sleep, a compliment at work, and a retreat that starts tomorrow. And i don't really share for an answer or a list of cures, i have had this brain chemistry/disease for as long as i can remember. i have spent my time trying to 'fix', but now i just share to connect, tell someone else like me they are not alone, and avoid the self imposed isolation that comes with depression. there are times when the 'pull yourself up', or the karma answer would have trashed me and any work i had done to start the process of getting over the latest bout. i am tough and aware now, but this is a dangerous and common thing to do to people with depression. the most dangerous time is when you start to feel better, the deep black hole has a little bit of sunlight showing and maybe even some stairs. then you are so afraid of going back there that you will do anything to stop it. this is also the time when you can start talking a little about it, so that means you are most likely to hear this BS at the time you are most vulnerable.

nuff said,

[Williamsmith]

I haven't studied much about Karma but as Initable has explained it ....I'm not a big fan of paying for deeds I might have done in a previous life. Hey, can't we start out life square with the house?

I do think as has been previously said....that list is something a well organized committed person would have trouble getting a grip on let alone a floundering depressed person.

My life experiences have taught me this, depression is something you might be able to pull yourself out of without outside help but the consequences of failing to do that are severe. Depression is somewhat of a job hazard in my prior profession and Seeking help is thought to expose ones weakness. That is why there were avenues to seek help anonymously. Unfortunately often that anonymity was compromised by the very people that were suppose to be guiding you toward professional help.

And so many if not most choose to self medicate with alcohol. I did. I also chose to quit on my own. I don't know why, but the unfinished bottle I was drinking when I quit still sits in my pantry. And that was five years ago and a move into a new house.

There is no doubt that my retirement has prolonged my life because I can look back and see that my duties affected my health. I was able to handle any situation that arose at the time but two or three days later is when it really bothered me. Accumulated stress is sneaky. We convince ourselves that one more straw will not break the back and continue with the load.

From what I have read, OP seems to understand the situation well and is handling it admirably.

[rodeosweetheart]

Speaking from my own experience (not that of the OP) I think that there is a lot of depression in family systems that have been through abuse. I see that in myself a lot, and friends of mine, too.

So to blame one's situation on karma for "past mistakes" seems another form of blaming the victim, although I guess it depends on how you define karma and mistakes--yes, I certainly made a terrible mistake marrying the person I did, which then set me up for PTSD after escaping from him, and my depression gets triggered very easily. But to say I am depressed because I did something bad to someone (the sort of thing I associate with bad karma, willfully and knowingly harming another living creature) strikes me as wrong and harmful. And really judgmental.

I think living in an abusive situation causes changes in the amygdala and presents a lifelong propensity to anxiety/depression.

I have heard karma explained that if you are living with pain, struggling with it, you are actually removing bad karma for both yourself and others--sort of like the "christ died for us" argument, which made no sense to me until I heard the corresponding theory of the "karma-sparing" act of grace--so that if, say, I do the OP's job the way she does it, then I am actually removing bad karma for others and making the universe better.

It does not seem, unfortunately, to have much impact in my own life on my own depression, to be the karma-sparer. No, I take that back, I know there have been times of clarity in my life where the impulse to pray for others in their pain has dramatically decreased my own.