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Thread: Should I "downsize" my old friend...?

  1. #101
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    Here is my question:

    Condor still has a job, a crappy factory job. Without the car he can't get there. He could technically ride a bike, but he won't.

    So his father and mother will drive him to work. My mother also said she will drive him to work.

    I suggested to her that she not drive him to work and that she suggest to his parents not to drive him to work. My feeling is that Condor's last chance is to hit rock bottom and then get sober.

    But if they keep floating him by driving him to work then he can keep living the way he is.

    Thoughts?

  2. #102
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    Thoughts?
    I think Condor has gotten as far as he has because he's surrounded by enablers. Too many people who excuse his behavior, talking the cops out of hauling him in when he's threatening others, driving him around when -- as a grown man -- he could get there himself if he had to. Based on what I read here, Condor has learned (and had many times reinforced) that even serious actions don't usually have significant consequences. So, yeah, why change?

    My prediction is that Condor's life as he knows it will end one of three ways: finally hauled into the judicial system and imprisoned for injuring someone severely (or killing them, by gun/vehicle/outsized rage); by being shot while fumbling his own gun or horsing around with a "friend" while drunk; or Pauline conversion (extremely unlikely but gotta throw it in there). Maybe it's my white-bread upbringing but trips in the back of a police car and restraining orders would serve as my notice that I've got a problem. Condor seems impervious to that so far. And, as we're all discovering nowadays, just when you think there's a bottom, creative people find whole new depths of low to go. So I can only hope that he doesn't take anyone else down before he discovers his "rock bottom". Fatalist, maybe. But this situation has gone on far too long IMHO.
    Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington

  3. #103
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    There's a difference between enabling and supporting, so I guess I would say that in an ideal world, if Condor has not had his come-to-Jesus moment so far, his parents should NOT drive him to work.

    If he agrees to go to treatment (in- or out-patient rehab, AA, etc.) his parents can support his sobriety by driving him. Problem is, he could make them believe he is sober and getting treatment, but he could still be drinking. So they drive him under the guise of support, but they are really enabling him because he's drinking on the sly.

    If they were strong enough, they could tell him that they'll start driving him to work once he's completed 90 days/90 AA meetings. That would give him time to chew on his behavior while he's hitchhiking or Uber-ing to work.
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  4. #104
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    catherine, your response was much better than mine. Thank you.
    Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. - Booker T. Washington

  5. #105
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    There's a difference between enabling and supporting, so I guess I would say that in an ideal world, if Condor has not had his come-to-Jesus moment so far, his parents should NOT drive him to work.

    If he agrees to go to treatment (in- or out-patient rehab, AA, etc.) his parents can support his sobriety by driving him. Problem is, he could make them believe he is sober and getting treatment, but he could still be drinking. So they drive him under the guise of support, but they are really enabling him because he's drinking on the sly.

    If they were strong enough, they could tell him that they'll start driving him to work once he's completed 90 days/90 AA meetings. That would give him time to chew on his behavior while he's hitchhiking or Uber-ing to work.

    Some good insights here.

    I strongly suspect that all the enablers will keep enabling. He calls me from time to time, schmit-faced and belligerent. He says utterly crazy things too -- anti-gubmint stuff, racist stuff, and so on. He said "UL, you are basically an N----- now because you F----- so many black B------!" the last time he called me. I was like: "Dude. You can't say that crap to me. It is crazy talk."

  6. #106
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    Quote Originally Posted by SteveinMN View Post
    My prediction is that Condor's life as he knows it will end one of three ways: finally hauled into the judicial system and imprisoned for injuring someone severely (or killing them, by gun/vehicle/outsized rage); by being shot while fumbling his own gun or horsing around with a "friend" while drunk; or Pauline conversion (extremely unlikely but gotta throw it in there).
    You know, Steve, I think your predictions are probably going to be spot-on.

    The Pauline Conversion seems so unlikely because he is at the point in his alcoholism that he is insane, delusional, and out of touch with reality.

    Quote Originally Posted by SteveinMN View Post
    Maybe it's my white-bread upbringing but trips in the back of a police car and restraining orders would serve as my notice that I've got a problem. Condor seems impervious to that so far. And, as we're all discovering nowadays, just when you think there's a bottom, creative people find whole new depths of low to go. So I can only hope that he doesn't take anyone else down before he discovers his "rock bottom". Fatalist, maybe. But this situation has gone on far too long IMHO.
    You're right. Rock bottom is different for different people. I keep thinking: That big rock he drilled with his car could have been a child, an eldery person, or someone's pet dog. Condor is just dangerous. He is literally a menace to his neighbors. No wonder a couple of them put on the restraining orders.

  7. #107
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    Apparently Condor is now running around his house at all hours yelling about how "Hajis" and "n-ggers" are trying to take over "his" town and invade his home. Of course, he is totally blitzed when he does this, which is nightly.

    And the unemployed/under-employed heroin junkies that live with him are complaining to neighbors that they can't sleep at night because Condor stays up all night acting wacky and trying to keep them in his sight at all times.

  8. #108
    Senior Member Williamsmith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ultralight View Post
    Apparently Condor is now running around his house at all hours yelling about how "Hajis" and "n-ggers" are trying to take over "his" town and invade his home. Of course, he is totally blitzed when he does this, which is nightly.

    And the unemployed/under-employed heroin junkies that live with him are complaining to neighbors that they can't sleep at night because Condor stays up all night acting wacky and trying to keep them in his sight at all times.
    How would you like to make a living dealing with Condor types every day, just change the names and pretty much keep the circumstances? Then when you canít make things all better in fifteen minutes what it took Condor a lifetime to screw up, people say you are part of the problem. I routinely announced upon my arrival that I was a temporary fix for a permanent problem. Itís a depressing situation to be forced to deal with on a regular basis. He will flame out some day, there will be a sad obituary in the paper and life will go on.

  9. #109
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Williamsmith View Post
    How would you like to make a living dealing with Condor types every day, just change the names and pretty much keep the circumstances? Then when you can’t make things all better in fifteen minutes what it took Condor a lifetime to screw up, people say you are part of the problem. I routinely announced upon my arrival that I was a temporary fix for a permanent problem. It’s a depressing situation to be forced to deal with on a regular basis. He will flame out some day, there will be a sad obituary in the paper and life will go on.
    yes, let us hope he doesnt injure someone else in that flame out. A drunk drive where his car meets a tree head on would be a good way to go out.

  10. #110
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    Quote Originally Posted by Williamsmith View Post
    How would you like to make a living dealing with Condor types every day, just change the names and pretty much keep the circumstances? Then when you can’t make things all better in fifteen minutes what it took Condor a lifetime to screw up, people say you are part of the problem. I routinely announced upon my arrival that I was a temporary fix for a permanent problem. It’s a depressing situation to be forced to deal with on a regular basis. He will flame out some day, there will be a sad obituary in the paper and life will go on.
    One of my colleagues in another department was a cop for several years.

    He said it was rather thankless.

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