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Thread: Should I "downsize" my old friend...?

  1. #21
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    that's very true.

  2. #22
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    Maybe this is cowardly, but is there a way to alert authorities about a potential problem anonymously, while just fading out of his life on a personal level? Gotta go, dude, gotta go, see ya round.

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tammy View Post
    I would not send an email or officially let him know it's over. I would fade away in silence.

    If you tell him you're fading it's more dangerous. If you disappear he will be distracted by someone else whom he thinks he can take advantage of.

    I would never be in his physical presence again.
    My thoughts exactly, just quietly fade away....

  4. #24
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    He is still in a coma at the moment. But I think the fade-away is the most prudent.

  5. #25
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    I'll never forget this. Two boys in my grammar school were playing around with a hunting rifle. It was supposedly unloaded. One pointed the gun at the other, "playing war" and the gun went off. The other boy lost his eye.

    I have no patience with alcoholics, coming from a family full of them. Guns are terrifying. You really can't help a person who is this far gone. I would quietly remove myself from the equation.


    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    Anybody who pointed a gun at me would be gone.

  6. #26
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    This friend is still in a coma. He has a small bleeding ulcer in his stomach. They had to do endoscopy and when they did they saw swollen veins in his stomach that could burst. This is from all the blood thinners he was on to keep a blood clot in his leg from moving to his lungs. So they took him off the blood thinners and put a stent in his torso (or somewhere) to prevent the blood clot from moving from his leg.

    He has to get another surgery on his leg to remove some dead muscle tissue. He is apparently low on things like potassium and they put something in his neck to mainline them in. His blood pressure went low. The gave him a blood transfusion. They can't bring him out of the medically induced coma because he gets agitated from alcohol detox.

    He was apparently hallucinating when they first took him into the hospital days and days ago when he had grand mal seizures.

    There are a couple other complications he is having but I cannot remember them all.

    I am starting to think back on how when we were kids we were friends and had fun going fishing or building tree houses and that stuff...

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler View Post
    I am starting to think back on how when we were kids we were friends and had fun going fishing or building tree houses and that stuff...
    he was a raging, likely mentally ill, drunken man who should not have guns
    he was also a childhood pal and even though he went off the rails later in life, he once was this innocent boy
    he is a very, very sick man with a chance he may not pull through, right?

    Say he doesn't. How do you feel reconciling the three types of people he was/is? I assume he's far away, so I don't know if a visit to a comatose childhood pal is even an option, if it is, do you want to stop in and hold his hand for a few minutes, talk to him about how much fun you had together? Or send a card that someone will read to him, send the card as if he is that child, thank him for the friendship and memories, etc. I'm guessing you're the type that an act of kindness, in a time of crisis or severe illness, comes natural to you. If you reach out, tell yourself you are doing it for him, not you, it would be selfless but you may find you end up feeling lighter.

    That's for now, if he makes an amazing recovery, stay away! Does he have family or kids you care about? A card to him from you that they read can make that family feel a little better, too. Ease the kids memories of dad is a douche but hey, he had this one friend.

  8. #28
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    it's possible he might not be the same person if he does pull through (it's certainly hitting bottom, not that I'm a big fan of that AA philosophy - many die before they ever do), and not that I'd stake my life on it or anything like that (iow don't get anywhere near him and guns!).

    some of his symptoms are I suspect those of drug addiction (seizures, potassium).
    If you want something to get done, ask a busy person. If you want them to have a nervous breakdown that is.

  9. #29
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    what's up with the guns? This is the perfect opportunity for the family to go in and take them. If it's taking him this long to get through alcohol withdrawal, and if he's at the bottom as Apathetic said, maybe they can convince him to do rehab

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by freshstart View Post
    what's up with the guns? This is the perfect opportunity for the family to go in and take them. If it's taking him this long to get through alcohol withdrawal, and if he's at the bottom as Apathetic said, maybe they can convince him to do rehab
    In the culture/community I am from taking someone's guns is the ultimate betrayal, the most heinous crime, something everyone fears the "gubmint gun grabbers" will do, and is an unforgivable sin that would mean shunning and disdain from all. Nothing is more important that "the right to keep and bear arms" to them.

    So this would never happen.

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