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Thread: Waking up, Giving up, Cheering up!

  1. #41
    Senior Member
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    This thread reminds me of a quote I saw recently (maybe it was here?)which has been very helpful to me: "Allow me to surrender"
    We are often under the illusion that we have control over so many things - our finances, health, etc - so surrendering to a situation can be a very good way to release stress.

  2. #42
    Williamsmith
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    kib,

    This may mean nothing to you, I'm just verbalizing a thought. Your situation reminds me of one of my favorite reads, Rocket Boys, a book by Homer Hickam, Jr. a native of West Virginia and an autobiography of growing up in a coal mining town experimenting in rocketry and somewhat miraculously becoming a NASA engineer. Well, his life doesn't remind me of your situation but his mothers seems to have a thread to compare.

    Elsie Hickam, Sonnys mother, supports her sons academic pursuits at a time when his father, a mining supervisor seems to be concentrating on his brothers football and working in the mine. She also has a dream of owning a small bungalow in Myrtle Beach where she envisions her and her husband could retire and enjoy the seaside environment.

    Her husband has no interest but she sticks to her dream and while secretly squirreling away her own money she keeps inspired by painting a seascape mural on the wall of her house in West Virginia. Her husband never come around to like the idea before he gets sick but Elsie does achieve her goal and realizes a retirement in Myrtle Beach complete with the beach house.

    In other words, it wasnt a perfect fulfillment but maybe the original dream was little like forcing a square peg in a round hole.

  3. #43
    Senior Member kib's Avatar
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    I'd say the difference is (guessing here) Elsie didn't have an epiphany that she needed to live on a beach, meet a guy and tell him this, have him say "awesome" and then find out after the wedding he thought she said "live with a bitch".

    But the point is taken, what's done is done and I seem to have run out of bungalow-building energy at the moment. My new financial strategy has been a relief, I'm still enjoying the benefits of one less tangled knot to stress about and so far no chickens have come home to roost (in other words, we don't seem headed for the poorhouse even without micromanagement). DH got his new bike yesterday, a used Honda CB500X, reasonable price and he's pleased. I've decided to focus on certain aspects of the medical community as my enemy, which makes for more harmony at home. Life is moving along.

  4. #44
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    As someone that has been married 3x's & always the initiator of divorces I would rather have some $ struggles if the relationship was good in all other ways. I am now happily married & occasionally we do have difference of opinion about $ but if someone not ruining you financially I think it is worth it. I would contribute 70% & no more. That way he can figure out what he can actually afford in regard to luxuries. Hugs)

  5. #45
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    I understand, my husband smokes and I have been asking him to quit for years. Telling him how when our term life insurance runs out it will be so expensive for more. And how it would be impossible for him to retire early if he continued to smoke because of healthcare insurance. Well, he just turned 63 and tried to blame me for the fact he cannot retire..........well, HELLO.

    Decided that I will not offer to help pay for his health insurance, he can tough it out for a few more years.

    Such is life and I am not feeling guilty over it.

  6. #46
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tenngal View Post
    I understand, my husband smokes and I have been asking him to quit for years. Telling him how when our term life insurance runs out it will be so expensive for more. And how it would be impossible for him to retire early if he continued to smoke because of healthcare insurance. Well, he just turned 63 and tried to blame me for the fact he cannot retire..........well, HELLO.

    Decided that I will not offer to help pay for his health insurance, he can tough it out for a few more years.

    Such is life and I am not feeling guilty over it.
    Tough love, right there!

  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler View Post
    Tough love, right there!
    I should have added I still work fulltime..............

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