Why does having a peaceful life feel strange?

[sylvia]

I grew up in somewhat of chaos and drama, I emigrated as a child from another country being uprooted , then the drama of an alcoholic parent. Now I have my own family , two teenagers and a new baby. Strangely Ive simplified and worked through issues and now Im sincerely at peace in my life. Things have settled in quite nicely Ive made my situation in my life work for me. Ive actually decided on choosing peace rather than chaos , suddenly the drama small and large ended or at least became manageable. Im proactive now not reactive. But sometimes peacefulness feels strange especially family harmony because its here and it started with me.Any similar experiences?

[Ultralight]

My life is more peaceful than it once was. And sometimes I look around and think: "Is my life peaceful or just boring?"

I struggle with this.


I do think that you have made great strides considering you grew up with an alcoholic parent. That can put some folks on a lifetime track of dysfunction. So kudos to you!

[SteveinMN]

But sometimes peacefulness feels strange especially family harmony because its here and it started with me.Any similar experiences?

None directly. But DW works with many people in crisis as a social worker. Her observation is that the environment in which one grows up is a powerful teacher. Women who are abused by their partners very often come from families in which there was similar abuse. Though the kids watching "dad" beating mom may have been disturbed by the scenes, it was normal for them -- and for their peers -- and women being beaten by men who ostensibly love them became a paradigm they carried into their own adult lives. Similar paradigms exist when people grow up living from paycheck to paycheck and relying on credit and when they careen from crisis to crisis because they don't know anything other than continually fighting those fires.

It takes a lot of energy to break cycles like that, and few people can do it all by themselves. At a minimum it requires some family and friends who can support (or at least not fight against) your decisions and efforts. Kudos to you for working through all of that!

[Gardnr]

It's not mainstream or 'the norm' hence it feels strange. It is very difficult to find folks who are like-minded to share this joy with on a routine basis. I think peacefulness in life and with money is an alone place....not lonely...alone.

Enjoy

[catherine]

None directly. But DW works with many people in crisis as a social worker. Her observation is that the environment in which one grows up is a powerful teacher. Women who are abused by their partners very often come from families in which there was similar abuse. Though the kids watching "dad" beating mom may have been disturbed by the scenes, it was normal for them -- and for their peers -- and women being beaten by men who ostensibly love them became a paradigm they carried into their own adult lives. Similar paradigms exist when people grow up living from paycheck to paycheck and relying on credit and when they careen from crisis to crisis because they don't know anything other than continually fighting those fires.

It takes a lot of energy to break cycles like that, and few people can do it all by themselves. At a minimum it requires some family and friends who can support (or at least not fight against) your decisions and efforts. Kudos to you for working through all of that!

+1
If one learns in childhood that "normal" is chaos, that's what we subconsciously seek as adults, even if our rational brain shows us something different as we get older. It takes work to learn to accept a new normal.

[Ultralight]

It takes work to learn to accept a new normal.

This right here is a really, really good point.

[TxZen]

My peace kicked in over the past 3-4 weeks. I am learning to just bask in it.

[sylvia]

Wow thanks for the responses. It does take work to accept a new normal, stability , quiet and peace. I grew up raised by my grandparents in the old country where that was where they lived for 40 years in the same home , retired and happy with their new grandbaby which was me. Later I was uprooted and emigrated with my parents and it was rocky chaotic and lonely. So I guess I am returning to my early days so to speak. Its true one can confuse Peace with boredom, but then Peace is like relief and shelter from the storm of outside life and boredom is lack of curiousity, I think.Peace is your safe place and when you feel safe you become curious about exploring new things.

[JaneV2.0]

... Its true one can confuse Peace with boredom, but then Peace is like relief and shelter from the storm of outside life and boredom is lack of curiousity, I think.Peace is your safe place and when you feel safe you become curious about exploring new things.

I couldn't agree more that boredom is a lack of curiosity; how could anyone be bored in this fascinating world? I think it can also be a sign of depression. Good for you for getting to that place of peace.

(The last time I had a taste for drama was in middle school, but apparently a lot of people love the turmoil of it.)

[sylvia]