Trying to decide if I should go...

[Ultralight]

My mom and aunt are having a small Xmas dinner on the evening of Xmas day. My cousin is cooking a turkey.

The guest list will be:
-My mom who is very religious, superstitious, and a hoarder; she and I don't get along well.
-My dad who is largely anti-social, right-wing, and a bit racist; we get along when we talk about fishing.
-My alcoholic aunt whose son died a few months back in a fiery crash when he was driving drunk back to a bar after his friends dragged him home.
-My cousin who is a recovering junkie; she spent a long time in rehab and then in some kind of halfway house; she is doing better now and wants to cook for us all.
-My sis and BIL with whom I live and see literally every day.

If I go to this I am not sure I can take my GF. I am worried someone will say something horribly racist. But more so, my mom has a problem with my GF now because of the incident now known in my family as "The Betrayal." This means my GF will be alone on Xmas (a holiday important to her but not me as I am not Christian).

I also don't know if I should go because it is at 5pm and then if I stay until 7pm I will have to drive home (probably alone) in the dark and rain; I have a really, really bad problem with falling asleep at the wheel. I avoid long drives under any circumstance, but especially at night and alone.


But if I don't go then I will feel very sad for my family. Very sad.

Thoughts?

[kib]

My sympathies. My co-dependent self would go because as you say, how awful would I be to deprive them of what they want from me, my attendance and participation and obedience in the "family event" even if it is a nightmare, but my wiser-and-kind-to-myself-adult self would stay home with my SO. Good luck, and happy holidays.

[Tammy]

I would find some reason to avoid it. It sounds pretty awful.

[JaneV2.0]

They will probably barely notice your absence; I'd stay home with the GF.

[iris lilies]

Do what I can't do--avoid the madness.

[bae]

... I have a really, really bad problem with falling asleep at the wheel. I avoid long drives under any circumstance, but especially at night and alone.

...

Thoughts?

Get yourself checked out for sleep apnea.

[Ultralight]

Get yourself checked out for sleep apnea.

I have an appointment for Jan. 5th.

I have exhibited other symptoms. I signed up for an appointment with a sleep specialist several months ago (Thanks Obamacare! Only not really. haha).

My family doc told me I am just a fat man and I need to lose weight. Then my apnea will go away. But I have had the sleeping while driving problem since I first started driving.

[bae]

I have an appointment for Jan. 5th.

That's good news. It's a big deal, really!

[pinkytoe]

That's a hard one. I only have DH's family to keep up with and even that feels like torture when I don't want to be with them. As they say, you don't get to pick your relatives.
Honestly, you are a grown man now. I would make you and your GF happy and do your own thing. I always treasure the weekend I told DH I wasn't doing his family's Christmas "this time."
We made up some excuse, got in the car and drove to the coast with some food to prepare a little feast in our hotel room with kitchenette. Champagne, candlelight and a howling wind outside our seaside balcony.
It was memorable.

[Ultralight]

That's good news. It's a big deal, really!

Despite being a fat guy I take my health pretty seriously.