Gifts...

[catherine]

Uh... seriously? Growing up in a hoard is a form of abuse. It is the kind of thing that follows you for life, to one degree or another.

Yes, and living with alcoholism is similar, which was my experience. But for me, I know my parents loved me, and while they weren't perfect--one chose the streets over his family and the other had serial relationships with alcoholics--I am so grateful for the love they gave me, and my only regret is that I didn't take the opportunity to be kinder to them when they were alive.

[Ultralight]

Yes, and living with alcoholism is similar, which was my experience. But for me, I know my parents loved me, and while they weren't perfect--one chose the streets over his family and the other had serial relationships with alcoholics--I am so grateful for the love they gave me, and my only regret is that I didn't take the opportunity to be kinder to them when they were alive.

You're perhaps a more forgiving person than I.

[catherine]

You're perhaps a more forgiving person than I.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself (and one that you can give away, too!)

[Ultralight]

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself (and one that you can give away, too!)

That is a charming maxim, but how does it work in a practical sense?

[catherine]

That is a charming maxim, but how does it work in a practical sense?

I'm not sure what you mean. You look at your dad and his gift in a spirit of love and permission to be who he is and not who you want him to be, and the details will work themselves out.

[Ultralight]

...the details will work themselves out.

I don't take anything like this on faith. I need evidence to support such a claim.

But, let me be clear, if this methodology works for you -- they good on on! For real!

[Ultralight]

I'm not sure what you mean. You look at your dad and his gift in a spirit of love and permission to be who he is and not who you want him to be, and the details will work themselves out.

Here is a question to make us think:

Let's say I was a Hindu vegetarian and my dad gave me a stack of bloody T-bone beef steaks. Would you still say: "look at your dad and his gift in a spirit of love and permission to be who he is and not who you want him to be, and the details will work themselves out."?

[catherine]

Here is a question to make us think:

Let's say I was a Hindu vegetarian and my dad gave me a stack of bloody T-bone beef steaks. Would you still say: "look at your dad and his gift in a spirit of love and permission to be who he is and not who you want him to be, and the details will work themselves out."?

You're sensationalizing a little flashlight (huge stack of bloody T-bones).

When I was a strict vegetarian my mother-in-law made me bacon. I simply said "Thanks very much for making this for me, but I consider bacon to be an animal product, so I can't eat it." When she passed the stew, I passed it along to the person sitting next to me.

It doesn't have to be a struggle unless you choose to make it one.

As for the "evidence," you are refusing to even partake in the experiment. You want to see the steam but you won't turn on the heat.

[kib]

For me, my Dad's endless gifts of cartons of books I have no interest in are, yes, a gift of love even though they are unwanted in a material sense. But it took me a long time to let go of the angry ego that says it's not really a gift because it doesn't acknowledge who I am. Well, so what. It acknowledges that I'm someone he loves, even if the specifics of me, the individual, are a bit vague for him and this expresses what he would like to receive, which he perceives as something I would like to receive.

[Ultralight]

When I was a strict vegetarian my mother-in-law made me bacon. I simply said "Thanks very much for making this for me, but I consider bacon to be an animal product, so I can't eat it." When she passed the stew, I passed it along to the person sitting next to me.

I like this explanation!