Not enough money to divorce

[kally]

This is not me, but someone I read about in the US. She and her dh really wanted to divorce, their relationship had come to an end, but it would leave them in financial straits. He had already met another woman but they continued to stay together because of the money. They shared a home and an income. She had a part time job, but by staying together they could make ends meet. AAAH


What a hell this has to be.

[Float On]

I was reading about a couple not long ago who couldn't afford to divorce so husband moved to the guest room, new boyfriend moved in and the 3 shared expenses and child care.

[Zoe Girl]

We had some neighbors when I was in high school who did that. The dad was able to be more in the kids' lives, everyone saved some money. I am sure there was tension at times but it worked in ways. Divorce just sucks, and one part of it is that everyone gets a lower standard of living in the end. When you are already are living on the edge then it can push you into some seriously poor territory.

My best friend now lives in a studio apartment, her ex took the house and the kids, it still took a year to have the money to file a basic divorce without child support or a lot of financial issues. They agreed on and worked out all the stuff, just the filing fee was a barrier for a long time. She may be in the studio for longer than she expected even with a good income.

[Kestra]

I'm glad I was very careful to never put myself in that position. Worse than my divorce would have been not being able to do it due to money concerns. Yet another reason to try to live primarily on 1 person's income (save 50%) when you are part of a couple.

[freshstart]

I don't understand cases like the OP's example. She could work full time. Why would you let yourself and your kids, if you have them, grow up in what one would assume is a toxic relationship if there is any other way? I'm talking lower-middle class and up here, I get why lower income families are often stuck with each other. If you could support yourself before you married, why can't you again? Maybe you have to swallow that life will be much simpler, a small home or apt instead of a McMansion, living on a budget, less lavish vacations or stay-cations instead,etc. And from some women I know, they say they want to get divorced, they are miserable, but bring up working full time or having to downsize their lives, well, they won't even talk about that. Maybe I'm being obtuse because I knew I had to leave, went back to work full time and we lived without a fair number of things that my kids' friends have in our community. It took hard work and planning, sacrificing but it worked out. So I just assume this is because neither person wants to give up creature comforts. Perhaps if both members of the couple are highly self-actualized and able to do this amicably, well, then fine. But I doubt this is often the case as there is usually a good reason a couple needs to separate. Are you really staying together "for the kids" or is it for the stuff?

[rodeosweetheart]

Freshstart, I love your idea of "staying together for the stuff", too funny.

[Teacher Terry]

Some people do stay together for the kids. I stayed until my youngest was both 18 and had graduated from HS. I worked F.T. My kids thanked me for it later.

[kally]

I think it said the couple were in their 50's and 60's.

[lessisbest]

At the very least they need to file for separate maintenance or legal separation so they don't end up being responsible for the other's debts, and close all joint accounts and open separate ones.

[Selah]

That's a very good point, Lessisbest. I don't know anything about this, but I remember reading that in the 40's and 50's, Hollywood stars used to go to Mexico to get a "quickie divorce." Would such a thing still be possible, I wonder, and would it be cheaper and recognized in the couple's state? Nevada is also pretty quick, but I think you have to go live there for awhile in order to obtain one.