Do you think there are circumstances where folks cannot choose happiness?Originally Posted by Teacher Terry
Do you think there are circumstances where folks cannot choose happiness?
If people that survived the Holocaust can choose happiness most people can-unless of course you are mentally ill. I actually have 2 friends that have lost children-they do not wallow in pain. Yes they have profound sadness and pain but they choose life and to be happy in general. If you have a serious MI, serious depression then seek help for that (meds & therapy).
if you are unhappy more than not, if it affects your ability to function, along with all the other depressive signs and symptoms, then I would see someone to be evaluated for depression.
I still have resentment towards my ex-husband for terrible things he did but we separated in '02, if I had continued to carry that resentment for 14 yrs it would've killed me. Somehow I learned that what is best for me is to compartmentalize him in my brain and heart and then never look in there unless we are embroiled in another pointless court case and I am forced to deal with him. I cannot say I have totally forgiven him or that the resentment is gone but 90% of the time, he is not in my head. I refuse to give him that power over me. I agree with that poison saying in another post
is this about the roommate? (I think I remember the story here, but my memory is only so good) Get rid of them! They seem to be nothing but problems.It's one thing talking about resentment of something in the past but if one's present roommate or whatever continually causes resentment ..
since I'm already wading into this conversation today I guess. I don't know if there are exactly circumstances in which we can't choose to be happy so much as circumstances that interact with our unique selves that make it hard. Should someone who survived being imprisoned in the holocaust and NEVER completely recovered from it, pick on themselves for that, because they should have been Victor Frankl and yet they never fully got over it. That's seems utterly absurd. But that's an extreme example of course. I don't think grief (deaths) even take most people there as grief though it may be tragic has a natural timetable (usually ... unless you fall into what the shrinks call complicated grief).
But much of the regret may be about lives we think somehow we should have lived. Sooner or later your going to ruin what potential exists in your actual life thinking about these lives you should have lived. In another life you had the perfect major, got the perfect career, got that promotion, had kids or didn't have kids, got married or didn't get married (whatever your mistakes were). And yes there are all the reasons you didn't and this can be the source or resentment (and they may indeed be the real reasons, childhood was horrible etc..). But these alternate lives are just phantoms haunting the present, they aren't really real, I know in some sense we are encouraged to live in fantasy of all that could be but ... then we resent if we can not actualize it and all the reasons why.
Trees don't grow on money
In this world perhaps depression is just the natural feeling that comes with a heightened state of awareness.
I've always found the "some people lived through the Holocaust cheerfully" references unhelpful. They tried that on us in the context of some motivational program or other at work. I guess with the idea that compared to confinement, starvation, and near-certain death, working for Acme wasn't so bad. I don't think anyone bought it.
People come into this world with all kinds of personalities, and most of them are necessary within the context of tribe. You need bold, cautious, creative, steady, adventurous, watchful, cynical, and cheerful people to contribute to the well-being of the group. We're not all cut out to be Merry Sunshine, but if we find the right tribe, we can at least feel as if we're valuable members of it.
Very good points here!
I guess I would do all I could do to leave the situation or change it. If I was unable or unwilling to do that I would just not do much with that person. If that was impossible I would wish them well in my heart, try not to bitch TOO MUCH about them and just get on with things.
Not saying that is easy, especially the bitching part.
People that can thrive and not just survive are resilient. Resilient people tend to be happy. I never look back at what could have been because that is not the path I chose. My Dad hated his job for 32 years and I never knew it until I grew up. He was the happiest person I know. He stayed with it for the good pension and it worked out well. He would have done something more fulfilling if he had the opportunity. He was a product of his time being born in 1920. All the people loved him at work too. I doubt anyone outside of family knew he disliked his job. He filled his free time with family, hunting, walking the dogs and community service. He choose to love life and was a great role model.
I would agree with this. Unfortunately I am not this way.
I have been depressed since the summer of 1979. But dagnabbit, I am an interesting person! haha I use my dark sense of humor to cope with negative emotions.
As Joni Mitchell said: "Laughing and crying, it is the same release."
As K-Von said: "I'd prefer to laugh than cry. There is less to clean up afterward."
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