Memo to parents: Your adult kids don't want your stuff

[iris lilies]

My parents are boomers. My kids are millennials.

i agree with "ask".

Some things I also think you should keep. When my grandmother died three years ago, nobody wanted my great great grandmothers formal dishes. They were beautiful, and I loved them, but I have formal dishes I hardly use in a style my dh likes. My mother loved them, but she has dishes, my cousin hated the style and my sister in law doesn't want formal dishes, etc.

my youngest niece is 6. My mother said "I'll put them in the attic. I'm sorry, but if I die and no one still wants them, you'll have to give them away."

fast forward. Dd is getting married. He cooks, they entertain. He wanted formal dishes. She texted mom "please send photo of china". He loves it.

now I keep having the following conversation with my mother
mom- "I want to give the kids something nice for their wedding."
me "how about a full set of heirloom fancy china?"
Mom "well of course I'm giving them that, but I want to buy them something"
me "they need sheets."
mom "but I want to give them something that will last"
me "how about a full set.....

sigh.

Oh me, i always want ro see the dishes when we have these discussions! Plase send photo! Haha. But I am serious. Love discussins about dishes and these could be old enough to be interesting.

i have Victorian flow blue dishes in many patterns plus other stuff. I have gotten rid of dishes over the years,mbut I like to obsess about them.

[Miss Cellane]

I'm of the Boomer generation, but I don't have kids.

However, I'm sitting right now at my grandmother's desk, my great-grandparents' bookcase is in my living room, and there are at least 5 other pieces of furniture that belonged to grandparents/greatgrandparents in the house. Most of my siblings are the same--I go to their houses and recognize some of the furniture.

Part of it is sentimental--I remember sitting in the office with Grandma while she typed and I colored in coloring books. Part is practical--her desk has drawers, unlike many modern desks, so I can store supplies and not have to figure out where to put things like staplers and stationary. And I like the style of the desk--if I didn't like it and it wasn't functional, I wouldn't have taken it. Plus, it's a lot better quality than I could afford to buy today--my budget would be for something made out of MFD, not a solid walnut desk.

If it ends up on the junk heap when I die, it has served three generations of my family well.

[iris lilies]

This article is familiar, seems like weve discussed t before Or one just like it.

kids always find their parents' stuff unfashionable. Its their grandparents' stuff they think is cool.

but i agree that beown furniture is bery unpopular, regardless of the generation. The last time we talked anout this it led me t ebay where
I saw 18th century pieces could actually afford. i do love a good solid chest of drawers in an old brown wood. So, this is just more furniture for me, haha.

i dont know how Americans will fill up their 3000 sq ft mcmansins if they dont take boomer stuff.

[sweetana3]

Love this talk about stuff.

as far as photos, the best thing you can do for future generations is provide info with the photo as to who, where, when and why if you know it. We got boxes of photos and now that the older generation is gone, no one knows anything about the strangers in the pictures or why the pictures were taken or when, etc.

Dad numbered most of his photos and gave us lists on long yellow lined paper of each number and information about the photo. Almost the best inheritance we got. My brother is doing the family history so we gave all of them to him.

[Tammy]

It's true. My 3 kids have chosen what they want along the way of moving out of our home. And we've moved a few times and each one gets what they want for free. We sell stuff or give away if it won't sell - all the time. They have no desire to inherit stuff - they choose in real time based on what they need and like.

Daughter chose nothing except maybe a few tiny things that fit in her luggage. Son #1 chose about half a dozen large pieces of older solid wooden furniture that were useful to his fledgling family. And free. He still uses them ten years later. Son #2 chose a few modern pieces of furniture and then sold them a few years later when he downsized and traveled internationally.

I have no opinion about any of their choices. No strings attached.

We only have a few things now. It all fits very easily in our 587 sq ft luxury studio apt on the 22nd floor overlooking the city. If we die suddenly the kids can empty our apartment in a few hours. I like it this way.

Edited to add that my parents things would fill multiple large moving vans. I really don't want any of except maybe some pictures. My three siblings show more interest - some more than others. My parents seem to accept this about me. They laugh about not having fights over their things cause I don't care anyway. 😄 I'm grateful.

[Chicken lady]

My mom found a photo of my grandfather standing with his mother in front of the china hutch (that I really really wanted but I was 10 when the estate sold and they dismissed me) full of her mother's china and framed it to go with the gift. She included a note that fits in the back of the frame with a short history of the china/people.

but, she really wants to BUY them something they can keep

[iris lilies]

My mom found a photo of my grandfather standing with his mother in front of the china hutch (that I really really wanted but I was 10 when the estate sold and they dismissed me) full of her mother's china and framed it to go with the gift. She included a note that fits in the back of the frame with a short history of the china/people.

but, she really wants to BUY them something they can keep

that photos is a great thng to go with the dishes.

do your kids have a Kitchen Aid mixer? Let you mother buy that for them.it s a great wedding present.

[pinkytoe]

DD has shown little interest in any of our furnishings or decor - not even my vast collection of anthropomorphic salt and pepper sets
We are actually looking forward to selling a great deal of our possessions before we move.
Or, goodwill if it comes to that.
The proverbial lightening of the load.

[Teacher Terry]

When we were young we took the things from our parents that they wanted to get rid of if we liked them or if we were desperate. I have let my kids take what they want. They pretty much have the things that they want. I have a beautiful antique buffet that my younger bf wants when I die so that will go to her. If no one wants something I sell it. When I had a beautiful Eastlake bed from 1840 no one from any of the antique shops wanted to buy it and it took months but I sold it on CL but only for $250.00. It was appraised in the thousands-but it doesn't matter if you can't sell it.

[razz]

This topic seemed familiar to me as well so I did a search and found this very good thread.
http://www.simplelivingforum.net/sho...amily+heirloom