This is a doozy, I just got home from my road trip last night and the proverbial sh** is hitting the fan in all sorts of ways while I am trying to make a major life decision. Well, here goes...
About five days into my road trip while I was in Taos, I got a message from the guy who runs the gallery that I am in in Madrid, NM - he wanted me to call him back because he had something to run by me before I was due to be there in the next few days. He informed me he was leaving his job and that he recommended me to the owners of the gallery as the person to replace him! Which would mean me moving to New Mexico from Michigan. Which would mean me quitting the Wholefoods gig. Which would mean me getting to have time to be an artist and live in a state that I've loved for a long time.
I met with the owners for dinner on Saturday June 11 in which they told me the particulars of the position: $1500/month before taxes, a place to stay rent-free and no utilities (there are two rooms off the back of the gallery which is an old adobe house on the main drag of Madrid). I could set up my studio in one of the rooms and use the other room as a bedroom. There is a full bath but no kitchen to speak of (they are willing to put in a small stove/oven, and there is a small fridge already, but no kitchen sink, so this is already a bit problematic. Also the fact that I probably shouldn't have a kitchen/food prep and metalworking studio in the same room). The owners of the gallery are quite laid back and flexible, very easy to work with, as so I am told by the current guy. I would be able to work in my studio on slow days, especially in the winter. But another problem is that it is just a three to five year commitment on their part because they will want to retire and run the gallery themselves at that point.
So my entire trip was consumed with the thought of making a major life change, I mean REALLY major. Like disassembling my cheap-rent townhouse that I've lived in for 20 years, quitting my day job, leaving my daughter (I'll get to the other part of this unfolding saga in a minute) and my 84 year old mom. I have flip-flopped back and forth too many times to count.
Some of the Pros and Cons are this:
Staying Where I am At: leaves me with a decent job, pretty good benefits, a nice place to live, and my networks of people. The cons of staying where I am at is that I am sick of my job, it can be physically hard and exhausting, it sucks all my energy away, it's monotonous, and my schedule keeps me very isolated from my friends and having a good quality of life.
Going To Do A New Life Thing would give me: a brand new adventure, new experiences, new people to meet, a chance to start over, downsize, be a working artist, live more deliberately. The cons of doing a new life thing is the tiny place to live, inability to be able to spread out, and financially probably not such a good idea to do leading up to retirement age, as I may not be able to sock away as much money for retirement as I do now.
So basically, it's the battle between running away to join the circus or being practical and staying put in this dull, boring predictable course until I can somehow retire. The classic "live for now, or making a dying until I don't have to work so much."
And just to add more confusion to the mix, my daughter the addict who had been straight and sober for the last three years, went off on a binge three weeks ago (right before I left on my trip but I didn't find that out until a few days ago). She ended up in the hospital with a bad foot infection. She is out now, but in a very fragile metal state (she is bi-polar as well), newly clean and having very bad mood swings. So now my idea to move out of state doesn't seem like a very good one right now, even though she is an adult and makes her own choices, I feel like I can't leave right now.
I hope I have explained this all well enough because now I am tired and don't feel like typing anymore. I need to let the gallery owners know my decision by tomorrow. I am 95% sure I am going to have to turn it down, I just hope I don't end up regretting it...
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