Extreme minimalism can also coincide with shallowness. Minimalism can be a distraction from self reflection just as anything else can.
Extreme minimalism can also coincide with shallowness. Minimalism can be a distraction from self reflection just as anything else can.
As I explained in my comment above, I did not mean shallowness as in lack of self-reflection.Originally Posted by Tammy
I meant it only as in you cannot dig deep into anything if you are just bouncing from the surface of one thing to another.
No, I agree that you cannot dig deeply into anything if you are literally constantly bouncing from one thing to another, however, I disagree that having a lot of stuff indicates bouncing from one thing to another.
You have serial, intensive hobbies, one might view this as also bouncing.
in the case of a hoarder, having the hobby items hang around actually indicates a decision not to invest time and energy into getting rid of them. Usually because "they're not bothering anything, someone might want them, I might want them again, or the big favorite - I just can't deal with this right now."
pottery was was an intensive part of my life. Then I had three children and it became something I dabbled in. We moved my equipment twice. Now, 20 years later it is an intensive part of my life.
would it have been cheaper to get rid of everything and replace it later instead of moving it? No, actually.
was it "taking up space?" Yes, but if I had actually needed that space for something else I would have been motivated to deal with it
did it steal my time? No, it just sat there ignored while I focused on other things.
the difference between you and a hoarder is that for you, getting rid of the thing would have used very little time or energy, but for a hoarder, getting rid of the thing is a huge, time sucking, emotionally draining, physically exhausting project. - which keeps one from becoming deeply invested in something else.
one of the things I am finding in my record of how I am spending my time and reflecting on how I feel, is that I am dehoarding too much. it is wearing me down and interfering with the things that feed my soul. So the clutter will just have to leave more slowly for a while.
Chicken Lady, I don't think you are a hoarder. I bet you are the personality type that Barbara Sher calls a scanner. You have multiple interests all at one time! Having a lot of hobby equipment doesn't make you a hoarder. Marie Kondo would never tell you to give up your hobby stuff because it sparks joy! You can still find and use your pottery stuff while a hoarder couldn't get near it because it was covered in boxes, cobwebs and insects or rodents. Marie Kondo isn't telling people to stop being themselves. For instance, I still have those skinny clothes because it remind of a few years ago when I was thinner. Actually, I am going to get out a pair of slacks and shirt to hang in front of me to motivate me to lose weight. However, getting rid of a lot of things I have tossed was a good thing. They aren't even making VCRs anymore and all of those video tapes have probably degraded and are worthless anyway. All of those huge cardboard boxes were dusty and decaying and took up too much space. In addition, getting rid of stuff can help someone to reach a goal (she explains that in her books).
A few years ago I got rid of a ton of stuff when I finally realized a dream was never going to come true. It was better to let it go (Just like Elsa says in Frozen). For me that was the traumatic stuff to get rid of because it was a lifelong dream that I had fought for more years that most people would. But, I found new goals and dreams.
No Sandy, I'm a hoarder. Not rats and mold, but the real deal. I'm working my way to recovery. I know you are trying to be kind by saying that, but Step one is identifying the problem. My daughter's birth certificate was lost for 7 years. It took me well into this process to be able to throw away the empty feed bags and used twist ties without feeling awful about it, and my kids grew up in a house where they thought it was normal to clear the table (of stuff, not dishes) before dinner. Also to move the stuff on your chair to the floor.
i just realized I no longer store stuff on chairs!
Chicken Lady is, as she said, our resident hoarder and we love her! Her narratives of how stuff lives in her life are fascinating to us all because she is a good writer and she is self aware and analytical. Keep it up CL!
I completely agree. It took me two days to clean out my closet (well, two tries on two different days), and there is definitely no hoarding going on with me. I get the "ripping off a band-aid" theory, but I don't watch this show b/c it's using pain for entertainment and I hate that. Well, plus I have no cable tv.
Congrats on the empty chairs! Progress is good. You are doing your kids a favor for sure.
I'm working on an estate now where the adult kids are actually fighting over some of the deteriorated and critter-infested furniture from their late parents' house. They think that it must be "worth something." I have explained to my own kids that I don't want them to end up like these beneficiaries and that that's one reason I'm cleaning out the house.
See, the kids wanting to keep the horrible stuff because it might be "worth something" or "it was mom's" or whatever? That is totally the metal processing that goes on with hoarding - and the fact that the kids are now hoarding the hoard, (like my uncle with my grandparents' belongings) makes me interested in the genetic connection.
i think it is cool that the chairs snuck up on me. I just realized, that other than two child's rockers that have dolls in them, all my chairs are empty - it just sort of happened as part of the process without me having to focus on it! This is what my fantasy of recovery looks like - I just live my life and it isn't a big deal that I am not dealing with hoarding stuff anymore.... Long way to go still.
My girlfriend, who I suspect is a hoarder (and this saddens me), says: "You have this process to everything where you identify an issue or problem, then you attack it relentlessly until it is completed. Well, I don't do things that way. I have my own process."
Which is true...
But her process involves not getting anything done.
Maybe her process involves focusing on living her life rather than moving stuff.
You can put energy into keeping stuff out. You can put energy into clearing stuff out after it arrives (because you needed or wanted it and now you don't, or because someone gave it to you...), or, you can just let it accumulate.
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