suggestions for a care package

[iris lilies]

I think guys just like food the first year at college. If he's vegetarian/healthy eater (although the two aren't necessarily the same thing) maybe nuts--those are healthy and portable. I don't eat nutrition bars so I can't help you with those. Or maybe little snack cans of V8. Or dried fruit (which has sugar in it, I know, but..).

Side note.. you've made me recall that when I went to college the thing to do was to bring baby food. It's healthy, usually not too many preservatives, the fruit ones are tasty, and they're single-serve. Kids don't do that anymore and they would probably think it's very weird, but that was back in my day....

If he eats cheese they have those little Laughing Cow cheeses.

Naked drinks (the brand) are usually very popular.

But I really think he'll like those homemade chocolate chip cookies the best!! I would.

oh! Now I remember that baby food trend. I thought it was strange and frankly, very stupid. It was a Cool Girls trend in my midwestern town. (Sorry!) I dont think we ever had baby food in our house so I didnt develop a taste for it. Later I remember testing it, and it is bland. My brother is 9 years younger than I am and I would remember any baby food around. Yet we wouldnt have had a blender 53 years ago, so I guess my mother cut and smashed foods for little bro.

[Tybee]

Yes--if he has strong food preferences that don't include cookies--fifty pounds is impressive!--for Pete's sake, don't send him cookies.
Iris Lily is right on point.

I had to laugh at this "strong food preferences that don't include cookies"--I know I should not feel like this, but I think cookies are a food group unto themselves, and one I respect deeply.

[Mary B.]

Yes--if he has strong food preferences that don't include cookies--fifty pounds is impressive!--for Pete's sake, don't send him cookies.
Iris Lily is right on point.

I agree -- didn't realize about the weight loss and somehow missed the part about dietary strictness.

This is tough, but the thing is, when you give someone a gift, it needs to be about them enjoying it not about you enjoying giving it. Sounds like cookies is not something he would enjoy receiving.

If I wanted to wish someone well and they were learning to be a luthier, I'd send them well wishes on a museum postcard with some kind of instrument on it. But that's just me. And I don't mean to send us all off down the track of thinking about more things -- just looking for a way for you to acknowledge respect for his wishes and support for this choice, while still wanting to be in touch.

[Zoe Girl]

a
As an aside, I think your children are doing VERY well in some areas. i know they have rocky relationships with you, but I am so impressed to see your son go off across the country to learn something that interests him greatly, and he lost 50 lbs, and he went to anger management counseling voluntarily. Your daughter's focus on school and community work is impressive. These kids both are achieving in areas that are important.

Yes! I think that you deserve credit for that, it is a big deal to not feed the fires of a very negative ex-spouse. I really had to bite my tongue, take a lot of long walks, see a counselor. However I see now that not badmouthing their dad was really important. They can talk to me real issues with dad because even though he is a pretty damaged individual he is not everything bad, and they know I am not out to just bash him so I can be honest about his issues and supportive.

I know that it took until I was much older to see my moms offerings in the way she intends them rather than through my own lens. It is pretty normal. I will still gripe a little, she just sent capri pants and petite tops in pastel colors. She means well, and I say thank you now and then donate to goodwill. But I love the cookies.

[freshstart]

IrisLilies you are right on all of it. And they aren't bad people, they are just seeing me through their dad's lens and he has worked hard to make sure that he paints a very negative picture. They are good out in the world. All I can do is make sure they know I am here whenever I am needed or wanted and respect that's all they want right now. In hindsight, the care package would've made me feel better only and it took this whole thread to make me realize that. Thank you all for helping me see the light.

[freshstart]

I feel like I am UA's dad, lol. If I sent that package, there would be a post about me somewhere out there. UA's dad is going to be my gauge, if I feel like what I am about to do or say would piss off UA if his dad did it, then I am not going to do it.

[nswef]

Freshstart you made me laugh. But, it is a good plan because his dad has boundary issues...or giving issues and UA wants none of it and has said he wants none of it, so respecting what your child tells you is a good plan.

[razz]

Freshstart, you are a loving and giving nature. At some point you will need to realize that your kids don't need you. We parents all go through that stage and it is healthy and normal. You and your kids unfortunately have some really yucky additional issues but none of it is totally abnormal. Let them go and be themselves. I am not being judgemental about what you think but thinking supportively.

For your giving nature to feel an outlet, can you find some neighbours that need cookies made for them. I don't know what your current health limits are but if you can use the phone, the senior support system in my community has a daily call list set up. People living on their own are checked with that phone call to see how they are doing. I did it for a while as part of a credit course and found that I became quite attached to them. They wait until you call before they go about their business of the day. Some came in to see who the voice belonged to and were surprised as i was different than they imagined somehow. They never said what was unexpected.
You need to give so find an outlet for yourself that you can currently do. There is such demand for varying degrees of support in our world so that any little bit will help. You have a great value as you right now.

[Teacher Terry]

Sending you big hugs) I know FS that this is all very hard. I hope that eventually your kids come around.

[freshstart]

thank you, Teacher Terry!

razz, I think you are right. Sometimes I have to step back and remember, even without all the bull****, it's my teens developmental stage to start not needing me and to rebel against me. A lot of these changes would be happening even if they weren't feeling the feelings they have towards me. That makes me feel better. I don't like the way it's happening, but it would've happened no matter what.

I do need an outlet because losing hospice broke my heart. I'm used to being needed all the time and I enjoyed giving support. I will look into the phone calling of seniors as that is something I could totally do and enjoy. I got one of my dogs from a friend's elderly mom who could no longer take care of him. She asked if she could call me "once in a blue moon" to check on him. In the end, I was calling her almost every day because she was lonely and I grew to know this incredibly smart woman who had had the most amazing careers for a woman at that time. What I envisioned as "one more thing to do", actually became a very pleasant part of my day. So senior calling is perfect. Thank you for that suggestion.