Mental health and that voice in my head

[Chicken lady]

so, as I'm working on balance in my life and order in my environment, and better lifestyle choices, I'm starting to talk back to that voice in my head. Even retraining it.

when I catch myself dragging out to the barn earlier or later than I would like and start to think "I'm so tired" instead I think ",walk a little faster. It's good exercise and you'll feel awake/be done sooner."

when the voice starts to say "this place is a disaster." I say "clean up one thing."

and when the voice tells me I'm fat, I remind it that I'm eating better and I've lost seven pounds.

and instead of make my to do lists and crossing them off and throwing them out, I've been writing down things I actually do in a notebook, so I don't get to the end of the day and feel like I haven't done anything. I can look at my page and say "I vacuumed the rug. I made desserts for the week, I made time for pottery. I ran the dishwasher three times and look how good the kitchen looks!"

maybe I'll even turn the voice into an optimist. For now, I just want it to stop being so noisy.

[Gardnr]

Yea you! You are teaching that voice that YOU are in charge. It will become noisier for awhile but then it will quiet as it loses it's power

[Zoe Girl]

yes! When I have that horrible voice I say sometimes in a gentle mom or grandma voice 'aw honey, you wouldn't talk to a friend that way'

When I work with kids I train the adults around language and tone. So we learn to speak to kids in a way that often we were not spoken to by our families or in schools (and often not as adults). Here are the major points I use in my training,
* people hear the verb, an action word, more than no. So give positive directions. instead of 'stop whining' i may say 'I can't hear when you use that tone, can you try again', for our internal talk I say 'stop being so sensitive' all the time and I am switching to 'I am noticing a lot of input, it seems like too much, what do I need to adjust'
* get curious and ask questions, in my work it may be 2 kids fighting so I separate and instead of jumping into their actions I ask 'what is going on', it seems like you are doing that with looking at what you ARE doing more, or a self statement like 'I feel like I haven't done enough, what do I think I honestly could have done better', then you can say without judgement that you realize you spent an hour surfing the net and now you regret not doing the dishes beforehand
* watch comparisons and judgement, for staff I train them to look at the whole child not how one behavior compares to other kids, for ourselves 'fat' is very relative. We are thinner than others, bigger than others, are we comparing to someone similar to us or someone at a different age or health,
* self compassion is better than self esteem, and shame is very toxic while regret can motivate change, so you may regret that you have not exercised very much but feeling shame for how you are as a person doesn't lead to better outcomes. I really do use this with staff because we all have moments with kids we do not feel great about.

I hope that is encouraging! Judging mind is super hard to uproot.

[Chicken lady]

My voice is so likely to spiral into gloom and despair it's not even allowed to consider what I could do better next time.

I've started drinking a little container of chocolate milk after I swim as a reward. In order to have it cold I have to freeze it the night before And then stick it in a cooler in the morning before I leave for work.

this morning I realized "you forgot to freeze your milk." But instead of dissapointments spiraling into the complete destruction of my day, I reminded myself "but wisely, you put a whole 6 pack of chocolate almond milk in the freezer. Take one of those - it's better for you anyway."

[freshstart]

you're doing so well in so many areas!

I have a judging mind and it is very hard to turn off the critical voice, kudos to you and you've motivated me

[nswef]

Chicken Lady, You are making huge changes. It inspires me!

[early morning]

Great back-talk, Chicken Lady! I have a "what did I DO today" list on the computer and I try to update it daily, but I get really depressed sometimes when I have nothing to write down (because it's strictly a house/home/family list), and when I'm gone more than my usual 10 hrs a day, I have little energy to do more than the minimum when I return. But I think I'm going to at least note that basic must do stuff(fixed lunch for tomorrow, coffee pot and breakfast set to go; stuff like that) because that reflects a more positive frame of mind, which can only be a GOOD thing, right?? Maybe I'll add the after work things - visiting Mom, running errands, etc. Thanks for the idea, CL!! I need all the inspiration and positivism I can find, that's for sure!

[ctg492]

early morning, your "what did I DO today" list, I keep a similar list but in my head at the end of each day. Funny how we do that I think. I started actually thinking this way about 1 1/2 years ago now that I am {{old}} is the reason I believe. I never felt this way beforeI had just gone about the daily duties in life till then. Now at the end of each day I think What did I do today, will it make any difference in the big picture of life? Did I make the most of my day I was given? and such questions. Thinking this way actually puts issues, duties, fun into perspective for me. I get bothered with myself when the day is done and I think to myself that I had done nothing that really changed or had lasting effects on life.

Your (because it's strictly a house/home/family list) is important and sometimes that seems to be the only thing at the end of the day I did for good our bad.

[early morning]

Funny you mentioned the "old" part ctg492 - I was just thinking that last night when I got home at 8:30 - after leaving at 7 in the morning - I am more focused now on the life-hours I have left, now that I am officially 60. In my mind that's the OLD cut off, lol. I guess I'm looking for some sort of inner assurance that I'm actually using my time in a way that benefits us - both society (I work with troubled kids, in a sense) and my family -the normal chores of daily existence. It's the more-than-bare-minimum stuff at home I'm not managing to get done and stressing over. The piles of stuff from my mother's house that need going through and re-homed, the floors that need a good wash, the windows I can't see through as well as I'd like. The projects I'd like to be able to complete. The plants that need moved, weeds that need pulled - undone things that make me think - you're so lazy! OTHER PEOPLE manage to have nice houses/yards/etc - so much to do that I retreat to my lists and my computer for solace, lol. I guess it's so that I have concrete proof to myself that I really DID do something important- or at least necessary.