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Thread: Transgender relative

  1. #21
    Senior Member Greg44's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maxamillion View Post
    So I'm trying to be patient.
    And that is probably the key. You have been dealing with this your whole life and your family has had less than a year. It will be hard for some, love them as you want them to love you.

  2. #22
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    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poppy_Z_Brite#Retirement - He has finally started crossing over. I've been a huge fan of his for years.
    This Rock I Found - Enjoy my judiciously fictitious personal anecdotes in slow motion with some drawn butter on the side.

  3. #23
    Wildflower
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    I have a transgender friend that I have been very supportive of over the years. It has been very hard for his family to accept the change, but with time and love they have come around. I am very proud of his family at this point....

    So great to hear that you are so supportive of your nephew!

  4. #24
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    When I came out as Lesbian in 1977, I did not tell my family. Eventually, I told my Mom, who knew anyway. When I was in therapy after a very bad divorce with the woman who is the legal mom of our daughter, I decided to tell my Father, a conservative attorney. It was a huge breakthrough for me in wanting an honest relationship with him. To his full credit, he accepted me wholeheartedly.

    My wise & wonderful therapist coached me through this, including offering the wisdom that family members have their own coming-out period of time in which they need to settle into this new information about their loved one, and to give him some time. This was a very significant piece of advice for me, as it allowed me to continue to have a close relationship with my Father even if he wasn't comfortable discussing my news. In fact, I told him it took me ten years to disclose to him, so if we hadn't talked about it after ten years, I'd bring it up again. I believe this gave him some breathing room, allowing him to accept me in his own way and time. In was highly beneficial all around.

    Especially 21 years later, when I fell in love with a man! Both my parents were shocked - and it makes me chuckle now to recall that they seemed more shocked by this than by my original disclosure. I am quite apparently bisexual, leaning towards the homosexual end of the continuum, but am also happy in a monogamous marriage with my husband... who knew me first as the girlfriend of his female minister.

    I offer this story as a way of saying that people will need time, and I hope your young relative can be supported while some family take the time they need to adjust - good for you for being in the supportive arena. It won't happen quickly for some, and will for others. Never say never. And suspend judgements, for who knows what's best for anyone?

  5. #25
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    Glad to hear this, OP. I knew at age 4 (I was born female) that I was supposed to have been born male. 42 now and post transition. I lost my entire family over it--I'm always so pleased to hear of supportive families

  6. #26
    Senior Member larknm's Avatar
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    My first ambition was to be an old man. I was confused and depressed by puberty. I've never transitioned, but usually identify as male, and am with a man who generally identifies as female. This is the best relationship I've had (25 years, 20 years married); other longterm one was with a very masculine woman. I am terrified of surgery etc because I had major surgery (on face--due to encephelocele due to being born with spina bifida occulta) at age 2, preceded by 2 years of weekly (unecessary) cauterization without anesthesia. Without that history, I might have transitioned.
    I think deep in our hearts we know that our comforts, our conveniences are at the expense of other people. Grace Lee Boggs

  7. #27
    Senior Member kitten's Avatar
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    omg, without anesthesia? That is horrific :/

    Quote Originally Posted by larknm View Post
    My first ambition was to be an old man. I was confused and depressed by puberty. I've never transitioned, but usually identify as male, and am with a man who generally identifies as female. This is the best relationship I've had (25 years, 20 years married); other longterm one was with a very masculine woman. I am terrified of surgery etc because I had major surgery (on face--due to encephelocele due to being born with spina bifida occulta) at age 2, preceded by 2 years of weekly (unecessary) cauterization without anesthesia. Without that history, I might have transitioned.

  8. #28
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    I have a 9 year old who is transgendered, male to female. She has identified strongly as female since she was a toddler. In addition to being transgendered, she is developmentally delayed (autism spectrum disorder), so wasn't able to speak until the age of 5 1/2. But in the first sentence she spoke to me, she said that she wanted to cut off a certain body part.

    The difficulty of having a transgendered child on the autism spectrum is that she does not have the filter that would allow her to know what is socially acceptable behavior. So she tells everyone she sees that she is a girl. We do allow her to wear pink clothing (she loves pink!) at home, including dresses and skirts. She loves her dolls, and her Disney princess bedrom set! But at school, she knows that she is still known as Brian (we call it her school nickname, which she seems to be okay with for now), and that she must wear gender neutral clothing there. She refuses to use the boys bathroom at school, but fortunately, one of the special ed teachers has a unisex bathroom in her classroom, which she allows Caitlyn (Brian) to use.

    She has been diagnosed at Childrens Hospital in Seattle with gender dysphoria, and we are on track to start her on puberty blockers once she reaches Tanner stage 2 of puberty. Then when she is an adult, she will be able to make the decision as to whether she wants to undergo reassignment surgery. The only problem is that, with a communication disorder, we won't know how much she really understands of what that will mean. Hopefully when she comes of age, she will have enough of an understanding to know what the consequences of reassignment surgery will be. We still have a long way to go yet, and thank god that we got a diagnosis early enough so that she will be on track to start receiving the puberty blockers at onset, as I know she would be devastated to see herself developing as a male.

  9. #29
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    Thank you all for your support and honesty about being trans and supporting trans. I was thinking that this was a very rare thing and now know it may not be. Sexuality, gender etc. from what one poster said is fluid, and I agree. We all must have gone through own own gender birth of what kind of male or female we wanted to be and then adjusted to our partner's concepts of themselves. I love that concept. I didn't put it well but no matter.

  10. #30
    Low Tech grunt iris lily's Avatar
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    I watched a few documentaries last winter about transitioning. One (poorly done) documentary covered a MtF subject who later, in her 40's, went back to Male. I say it was poorly dope because any indepth analysis or insight into her motivation was lacking in the film, it was kind of a mish mash of trans personalities.

    The best film I saw was the one about Cher's son, Charity.

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