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Thread: Kids Stuff - Toys/books/etc -how to handle?

  1. #11
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    I have always like psychologist's John Rosemond's style of parenting. Basically it is old fashioned advice which is how many of us were raised and I am not talking about physical punishment which he does not recommend. So he would say that those little humans don't have property because it is residing in the parents home that they pay for. Basically the family is not a democracy. The parents are in charge and their relationship with each other is the primary focus. The belief is that if the parents are strong, happy and united then the kids will be happy and feel secure. Therefore, with small kids there is no need to explain, reason etc. Because I said so is good enough. BTW we are talking little kids here. So you would not have little kids making choices about what to wear, etc. That is a privilege that comes with age. No helicoptering parenting either. So kids get to make age appropriate decisions. Before that time the parents decide. For instance i never asked my kids when they were younger then 5 what they wanted to wear, etc. Giving choices too early leads to negotiating with a 2 ft tall terrorist. I have to say that I could take my kids anywhere and they behaved. Many parents now have out of control kids. It is really sad because both the kids and their parents don't get invited to people's homes, etc because no one wants to put up with that.

  2. #12
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    Thanks for the thoughts, all! It's so great to get feedback on this topic! I love the different perspectives here.

    Over the summer, while I did the big cleanout of my own stuff, my daughter (age 7) asked me to do hers. I had her sit with me and go through much of it, but she eventually got tired and told me that she'd rather if I do it and that she trusted me to keep what was good and let go of whatever I wanted. After several hours of my work, she returned to her room, squealed with glee and thanked me profusely for cleaning up her space (under her loft bed). That worked with her for the things that only she plays with (mainly more traditionally girl's toys like dolls and princess stuff). The challenge in doing it with the boys also will be that there is so much of it and they all play with much of it.

    Generally I do like the idea that kids over age 4 should have some say. I also like the idea that it is a parent's duty to teach this skill. My mom was not great at it (like me!) and would let us keep stuff for a long time and then suddenly something favorite would disappear. I still remember at age 4 picking my favorite dresses out of the give-away box when I spied the corner of the fabric buried under other items. Sure they were short, but I could still wear them. On the other hand, it's a whole lot simpler and easier to just be the decider and give away or toss the things and clean out the space so that they can actually play with whatever's left. Face it, none of this is stuff that they NEED on a basic level. It's stuff that they want and enjoy and that gives them comfort, but they'll survive if it's not there. I've managed to clean out their closets on occasion with their input. There's just so much stuff that I am put off by this task with the toys.

    Okay, I think I will have to follow my own lead (which fits in with some points here) on what I did with my daughter a few months ago. Enlist them in the project and tell them that there will be xxx amount of space for each of them to keep particular toys and xxx amount of space for common toys. That they can choose or I can choose--and not in a threatening manner but offering to do the work if they are not interested--with the warning that I might not know what they like best if I do it all myself. I'll remind them that we need to make space for Christmas gifts that are going to come.

    I haven't decided what to do with the potential castoffs yet. I checked with the local children's hospital, and they don't accept used toys. Neither does our local Toys for Tots. Sigh. It's looking like Goodwill or Salvation Army again unless I get the motivation to hold a yard sale.

  3. #13
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    I actually kept the baby toys until they were big enough to express a lack of interest (and still packed away my favorites) but as for clothes - my theory was, I buy the clothes, so that's where my decision making comes in. If you are old enough to dress yourself, you are old enough to choose your clothing. (If you are not, then yes, I choose) my oldest was dressing herself before she was three. By the time she was 4 she was dressing her brother.

    i let them be cold. I let them be hot. Not dangerously either (but spending the day wrapped in a baby blanket held closed with safety pins or duct tape will usually make you head advice next time)

    my kids were extremely well behaved. I could take them anywhere and we often got compliments. They also related very well with adults in most settings and as adults are excellent at communicating with people, reaching agreement, and getting things done. I actually stink at most of those. We did have one conflict with the minister when one child was a teen. I still hold out that the child was absolutely in the right and I lost all confidence in the minister, but the child now says the entire interaction was age inappropriate.

    i'm not convinced that the out of control kid syndrome is caused by too many choices rather than a lack of feeling the consequences of one's choices. TVR's daughter sounds like she has enough experience making her own choices and enough confidence in TVR to both make good choices and know when to delegate.

    (when my oldest looks back at pictures of herself in elementary school btw, she castigated me for letting her chose her own clothes - I just shrug and say "you were happy, clean, comfortable, and presentable." Apparently I should have ensured that she was also a decernable gender and not out of date.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Teacher Terry's Avatar
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    Call your state or county social work office and ask if the foster homes would like toys. Where I lived they were always so grateful to get them since foster kids are really hard on toys. I agree CL that many people do not let their kids suffer the consequences of their actions and that is also part of the problem. It just seems like there are a lot more bratty kids then in the old days)

  5. #15
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    I called the county social work office, and they said no and referred me to the county switchboard. Called there and they said no one takes used toys that they know of--everyone wants new, unwrapped toys. Sigh. She told me to go to a thrift store.

    Now I'm debating the garage sale. But I really hate that idea. Maybe I'll give my kids 25 cents for each toy they donate to Goodwill just to avoid the garage sale but still give them the thrill of earning money for their old things. Or 10 cents. They have a ton of stuff. This could add up quick. Maybe it'll just go to Goodwill sans payment.

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by TVRodriguez View Post
    I called the county social work office, and they said no and referred me to the county switchboard. Called there and they said no one takes used toys that they know of--everyone wants new, unwrapped toys. Sigh. She told me to go to a thrift store.

    Now I'm debating the garage sale. But I really hate that idea. Maybe I'll give my kids 25 cents for each toy they donate to Goodwill just to avoid the garage sale but still give them the thrill of earning money for their old things. Or 10 cents. They have a ton of stuff. This could add up quick. Maybe it'll just go to Goodwill sans payment.
    When they were about 12 we participated in a garage sale at my sister-in-law's house and the kids sold all their Beanie Babies. Then they went and bought a Great Pyrennees puppy with the money at a rare breeds livestock show.
    It was the best dog we ever had!

  7. #17
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    This morning I found myself cleaning out some of my kids' toys. The kids were at school, and I didn't plan it, I just did it. I got rid of three kitchen garbage bags full of garbage. Broken toys, random pieces, etc. Three garbage bags full. That was just the garbage. I also brought to goodwill two large rubbermaid containers (about 3-4 garbage bags full of stuff) with toys that no one has played with in years. Most of it is suitable for toddlers. As a reminder, my kids are 5, 7, and 9. Some of it was stuff that they received as gifts and played with for a bit but that fell out of favor and that I never liked. Some of it was happy meal toys. It was especially nice to get rid of some of the noisy plastic crap. Most of it was plastic, only some of it was noisy. I may still have the kids go through the rest of the stuff with me this weekend and ask them to choose some things to discard. I kept some of the smaller birthday-party-favor type things to give to the kindergarten teacher to use in her treasure box.

  8. #18
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    I know it's not really solving the problem, but can you do that trick where you put most of the toys in a plastic bin in a storage area (like garage or attic) and rotate the toys every so often to make the "new" again in the eyes of the kids?

    If that's not possible I think Miss Cellane has some great points about having certain size bins/shelves and allowing no more than what fits on/in them.
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  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    I know it's not really solving the problem, but can you do that trick where you put most of the toys in a plastic bin in a storage area (like garage or attic) and rotate the toys every so often to make the "new" again in the eyes of the kids?

    If that's not possible I think Miss Cellane has some great points about having certain size bins/shelves and allowing no more than what fits on/in them.
    I was thinking about Miss Cellane's idea. Give each kid an area/couple of shelves/couple of bins. Might try that.

    The other idea (rotating toys) sounds great in theory, but we don't have a garage, and the attic is quite dirty and a critter and bug magnet, meaning I'd have a lot of cleaning in store at the time of rotation, which means that I would never rotate. We have been using shelves in the back bedroom (currently unoccupied) for most of the toys. One wall is 2/3 full of shelves, which are 2-3 feet deep. Five levels of shelves on two units. Each shelf holds two large rubbermaid containers (I guess they are each 18" x 36"). Then there are the toys under my daughter's bed. And the toys that are out on the living room shelves (most legos, card games, and board games). I only got rid of 3-4 large containers' worth of stuff today. There's plenty left.

  10. #20
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    Toys still abound in my house. But I've made some more headway. This past week, I decided to move all the toys that were in their bedroom into the back bedroom, which is adjacent to the family room. So now, all the toys are in the back bedroom and family room. I've organized most of them into categories. I've given away five more large bags of toys/board games/etc. And I've been keeping a better eye on what's coming in. I still plan to reduce it some more, but it's a bit of slow going. It's loads better than it was, though. I keep skimming "minimal mom" blogs for inspiration. It's helping.

    This Saturday I'm going to work on their books. They must have 500 books, some of which are worth discarding (broken beyond repair or just awful books or waaaay too young for them). There is a large (nearly floor to ceiling) bookshelf in their room that is chock full of books, and there are two other full shelves in the family room with children's books. I'm hoping to get rid of enough so that we are left with only the large one in their room. I've been using the library for about a year with them now, so we've stemmed the tide of what's coming in at least. But if I sort them as I replace them on the shelves, that will also help.

    I had to tell my 9 year old that he can't keep so many books in his bed anymore. He regularly takes dozens of books to bed in any given week. There must have been 50 books up there (top bunk). He'll have to limit himself to two. My 8 year old does it, too, but she's not as bad at forgetting to return them to the bookshelf.

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