who does this? (ex)

[Zoe Girl]

I don't think much about my ex, there is not any contact now that the kids are grown. I hear about him, but relationships seem much better overall. So I saw my daughter and grandbaby today. We had lunch out which was nice. She and her fiance gave everyone nice framed photos of the baby for Christmas, very nice. And we have a big family! I just heard that her dad said he didn't like the photo they used, he didn't think it looked like baby, so he wants a new photo. Who does this? I am just in awe,

[ToomuchStuff]

Him, that is who.

Who worries about other people and gets stressed out about it?

[razz]

Don't let him disturb you in any way. It is just his thought. It has no power or influence unless it is given to him. Don't react.

Your daughter needs to recognize that she is in complete charge of how she reacts to your ex's behaviour. He may try to manipulate in similar ways for the rest of her life. Can you help her find, with her partner, the path to follow to maintain her freedom from your ex's attempts at manipulation?
BTW, your ex may not recognize that he doing this. If he does, it is even more important. Boundaries are very valuable.

[Zoe Girl]

He just seems clueless in many ways, and I am not totally stressed out. Just weird and the reason he is the ex as I am reminded! So easy to forget what it was like ya know,

And her fiance is great, but doesn't want to get together with that side of her family unless he really has to and then the shortest time possible. I think they are considering doing their wedding without dad money, which dad has a lot of, because of regular behavior like this.

[sweetana3]

They are smart. You give up control over your life when you give it to someone else in "expectation" of money or reward.

[JaneV2.0]

Maybe he just doesn't have a social filter--it's hard to get a flattering picture of all the people in a shot, and apparently he wants a "good" picture of his grandchild.

[Zoe Girl]

Yeah, I asked him one time to take an asperger's screening which was very upsetting. However the social issues were regular and had an impact. I just really wanted something to help him work with, getting calls from friends the day after a party were difficult. And he didn't drink so there went that reason. He listened and worked on things pretty well when we were in the struggling, starting out period. Once he started to make really good money something switched and he no longer really listened to our feedback. I am glad the kids spent the majority of time with me, although it would have been great to have that 50-50 and some time off!

[Teacher Terry]

I hope your kids just ignore him and don't give him a new pic. It seems very possible that he has Asperger's based on his total lack of social skills. I hope your daughter was not too hurt.

[Zoe Girl]

It is an adorable picture btw, she is a pretty baby. We hate to say it but not all babies are that cute (yeah I am biased). He does well in his work which is something with computers and classified and so it is not unreasonable to think there is some aspergers or leftover from the way he was raised (by 2 diagnosed narcissists), when something like this happens I recall how things were, sigh. I think I found a pretty good balance of not bad mouthing him to the kids when they were younger but also being willing to have conversations about what was really a problem. The neighbors, friends and schools would tell me things, so that helps us all not take it personally.

[Tybee]

Maybe this would be a great mental exercise in acceptance, just accepting the way he is. I find the more I do that, the calmer and more peaceful I feel!