those missing conversations

[Zoe Girl]

I am pretty sure that most workplaces are like this, however here it goes. Yesterday we were in a meeting, the big group of 20, and my half-boss brings up something that she and I have bumped heads about for literally 5 years. It is about art/crafts in our programs. She maintains that it is not 'skill building' to do crafts. I say that it needs to be well written and focused, but that it is a skill to cut and glue and get scotch tape for a 5 yo. So yesterday she announces that she is working with the art department to have them do a training with US about how to make arts/crafts skill building. She does need that training and conversation, I will probably be required to go however.

In any case despite our 5 years of butting heads she has never mentioned this to me outside the meeting where we are having another training added. This has happened many times, I spent a year butting heads over the scholarship policy and a $400 bill for a homeless family which made me generally look bad and the next year they massively expand the scholarship program, I talked about equity in afterschool programs, basically that the population of afterschool kids should reflect the school population in racial and socio-economic scales. 2 years later they made that a goal for everyone, again no talk at all with me.

I have only mentioned one of these one time to my boss (not half-boss) and the rest I don't know what to do with. Assume that I had some impact and let it go, wait until the next promotion opportunity and bring it up, or what I will likely do is just do my job and not expect much. (btw I don't think I would want a promotion anymore)

[Tybee]

Wow, your job sounds like my old job-- exactly the same dynamic.

What I wish I had done now, looking back, is aggressively seek a job elsewhere, where my talents would have been appreciated and rewarded. Instead, I stuck it out, because of fear, and ended up with a lot of regret and bitterness.

Yet I saw what was happening, and I did not look for another job. I take responsibility for that, although it all hurts.

[Zoe Girl]

HI Tybee, I know the feeling. It has taken me years to get to a living wage and I am there! However I am not sure what else is out there and I deal with fear of going back to struggling every day for enough to get by. I am seeing that the raise is giving me confidence in ways however. And they do tell me that I am a 'shining star' among my peers, it just rings hollow. So I am working on things that build my career outside of this job and working with my own internal ideas that may be holding me back. I know we are all supposed to be able to pull up this confidence, I had a lot of it and the recession really hurt that.

A funny one is that this half-boss shared she is working on deep listening, guess who did not sign up for my mindfulness training!

I get suckered in how every year they say they are going to work on these types of things, ask us how we feel valued, give pins to recognize that, but still have huge bland spots. Some of you know my work, the one pin I have never been given is 'equity', I want to give one to myself at this point!

[Tammy]

Part of my job as supervisor is to bring problems and potential solutions to the attention of the managers and director. They then decide and communicate a solution to our 400 employees.

I don't get public credit nor do I expect it.

Could you simply think of your situation in that way? Lower your expectations and don't waste time thinking it through every time it happens. Just move on with your life.

[Zoe Girl]

Yes Tammy, I need to adjust my expectations with this. Also they have 2 people to communicate with 20 of us. So I really wouldn't expect in that large of a group to get some feedback, but after 5 years I should know it is not her style. I wish we would stop talking about this 'culture of feedback' every new school year however. I get used to it and then we come back for a new school year and talk about all these ways of feeling valued, etc. and then it pretty much is the same. Or I am the odd one out by feeling the need for this.

On the great note we do these surveys in the middle of the year with questions around feeling valued, having a voice heard, etc. and our scores jumped 10-20% from last year. That is based directly on the work the 20 of us mid-supervisors do. I doubt we would have jumped if the communication was one-way.

[razz]

Not to be unkind, ZG, but it comes across on this post that you are disappointed that your expectations of how it could have been handled were not met.
Not saying that you should not feel a little disappointed but don't set up these expectations. They do not have to meet them as they were not informed nor ever agreed to meet them.

It does sound as though you are being appreciated and rewarded for your efforts with verbal commendations and wages. It also sounds as though they are trying very hard to do the right things but maybe not the way you or I might do but they are making the effort.

[Tammy]

I've gotten callused toward all the improvement initiatives that companies cycle through based on what's popular that year. I attend the required trainings. I smile and nod. And I realize that each persons ethics and personality is up to them to improve if they choose to do so.

The reality is that things will go on much the same, so I've stopped thinking much about these visions and missions and initiatives. I will be true to myself with or without these organizational trainings.

[Tybee]

To me, it sounds like the OP is being set up. If you are not being credited for your work and your ideas, and you are not being promoted, but given less than great reviews, while your boss is utilizing them to get ahead, then to me, it is time to look elsewhere for work. Obviously, this is a personal decision with many factors, and some of us may choose to stay and lower expectations.

That's what I did for years; now I am sorry I did that. That forms the basis of my response to OP.

Zoe, I am sure you will figure this out to your satisfaction. I just had to weigh in with my viewpoint.

[iris lilies]

To me, it sounds like the OP is being set up. If you are not being credited for your work and your ideas, and you are not being promoted, but given less than great reviews, while your boss is utilizing them to get ahead, then to me, it is time to look elsewhere for work. Obviously, this is a personal decision with many factors, and some of us may choose to stay and lower expectations.

That's what I did for years; now I am sorry I did that. That forms the basis of my response to OP.

Zoe, I am sure you will figure this out to your satisfaction. I just had to weigh in with my viewpoint.

Your view is strongly influenced by your own lense. While that is normal for all of us, I think there are other ways to look at the stuation ZG described. Wearing a manager hat, I have another take on it which I wont detail other than to say: there are seldom original, fresh ideas that are so amazing that a supervisor "takes" them to present as her own. Frankly, the idea is laughable in the world of education, and the idea that gluing and pasting build fine motor skills for 5 year old is hardly ground breaking.

[JaneV2.0]

Ideas don't have to be amazing or ground-breaking to be appropriated by the unscrupulous for personal gain. And that's all I have to say about that.

I'm glad I was able to avoid office politics pretty much completely by working off-shifts and just doing my job.