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Thread: How to reassure BIL (and stay sane in the process)

  1. #11
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    That's true.. he's too young for senior housing, so I just looked up affordable housing in NJ and this is what I found: http://www.nj.gov/dca/affiliates/coa...comelimits.pdf

    Based on these numbers, he would probably qualify for affordable housing. The asset max is slightly over what he'll probably get from the house sale.
    Non-senior Public housing here is brutal. Despite all of the billions of tax dollars poured into it and despite the do-gooders runnng around to manage it (when they havent been jailed for fraud, a common malady with these administrators) it remains a hotbed of crime.

    I would be surprised if your public housing is any better. It isnt easy being poor.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    That's true.. he's too young for senior housing, so I just looked up affordable housing in NJ and this is what I found: http://www.nj.gov/dca/affiliates/coa...comelimits.pdf

    Based on these numbers, he would probably qualify for affordable housing. The asset max is slightly over what he'll probably get from the house sale.
    The income levels are surprisingly high, as is the asset max! Will he get social security?
    It seems to me he should apply for affordable housing and get a full time job somewhere, maybe retail again.

    This looks doable, going forward, and he needs to take care of himself from now on out and not live at your house, for everyone's sake, in my opinion. Best for all.

    Especially as you will be selling too, one of these days.

  3. #13
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    Qualifying and having vouchers available are often a huge waiting list apart. He needs to get a job and make plans and a budget. But I predict he will continue to whine, complain, and demand because that is what he was taught works. Do not let him live with you or he will NEVER leave.

    I would also suggest that if he continues the circular path of conversation that always goes back to poor me, that you take a stand and tell him that you have provided sources and guidance and will not continue to discuss the same thing over and over. Tell him you only want to hear what he has done and is doing, not constant complaints about the past and how difficult life is. Otherwise, he has a constant ear in you and gets nothing done.

    ps: I am known for not having a lot of sympathy for constant repetitive complaints.

  4. #14
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    Here the low income and senior housing is awesome. I have a few friends that live in the senior housing. Also my friend with MS lives in low income that is not senior and it is really nice.

  5. #15
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sweetana3 View Post
    Qualifying and having vouchers available are often a huge waiting list apart. He needs to get a job and make plans and a budget. But I predict he will continue to whine, complain, and demand because that is what he was taught works. Do not let him live with you or he will NEVER leave.

    I would also suggest that if he continues the circular path of conversation that always goes back to poor me, that you take a stand and tell him that you have provided sources and guidance and will not continue to discuss the same thing over and over. Tell him you only want to hear what he has done and is doing, not constant complaints about the past and how difficult life is. Otherwise, he has a constant ear in you and gets nothing done.

    ps: I am known for not having a lot of sympathy for constant repetitive complaints.
    ditto.

    and true too about public housing. Here the supply is way low for the demand. Here the wait lists "close" at a point in the year because there is no point in keeping on a list that will not be processed. BIL should be careful about assuming Nanny G will prvide him housing. now, if he moves out to where Teacher Terry lives he might get housing.

    I thnk his best bet will be to retire in Florida and get himself a financially secure girlfriend.

  6. #16
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    I thnk his best bet will be to retire in Florida and get himself a financially secure girlfriend.
    That is EXACTLY what we've been telling him to do! He doesn't even have to retire--there are a million golf courses there and that's the one job sector he's managed to work in consistently for years (at minimum wage, but it's something). Get out of NJ for God's sake! And sign up for Match.com, eHarmony, even Tinder. He's got a great sense of humor when he's not playing Eeyore or planning to jump off the nearest bridge, so some rich divorcee in Boca might find him to be a great companion.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    That is EXACTLY what we've been telling him to do! He doesn't even have to retire--there are a million golf courses there and that's the one job sector he's managed to work in consistently for years (at minimum wage, but it's something). Get out of NJ for God's sake! And sign up for Match.com, eHarmony, even Tinder. He's got a great sense of humor when he's not playing Eeyore or planning to jump off the nearest bridge, so some rich divorcee in Boca might find him to be a great companion.
    I would tell him to buy a home in an over 55 trailer park--there are some really nice ones--HOA won't be so bad, and get a job, and he should be all set!

    Show him this one--540 a month HOA, and under 18K:

    http://fortmyers.craigslist.org/col/rvs/5985141116.html

    note ernest hemingway lookalike with fish. . .

    better than renting. . .

  8. #18
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    Ooh, check out this one in Venice, Fl

    http://fortmyers.craigslist.org/chl/for/5957226364.html

  9. #19
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tybee View Post
    Ooh, check out this one in Venice, Fl

    http://fortmyers.craigslist.org/chl/for/5957226364.html
    It's amazing how nice and cute some of those low priced mobile homes are. I was on a jag where I looked at them online for some months. Then I traveled to Bradenton, FL which is in the St. Pete/Sarasota area. I drove through several of the big mobile home parks there. They are a bit too crowded for me, but if I didnt have much money, I could make it work. They are broght and pleasant. The main problem was traffic, ugh, and I wasnt even there for the high season.

    Florida has about 30 more years of Boomers crowding into the place, then the population will drop when the end of the Boomers is reached.

  10. #20
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Cool, Tybee! Thanks for doing the scouting! I like both of them! I'll definitely put that bee in his bonnet.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

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