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Thread: My husband has no friends

  1. #1
    Senior Member KayLR's Avatar
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    My husband has no friends

    He's retired. He only moved to this area 5 years ago and we married 3 years ago. The only couples we ever see are my relatives (in-laws, siblings, cousins, etc.) and he's not close with any of them. I have a small number of "girlfriends," but we don't get together with our spouses; we're former coworkers.

    He has volunteered for some time for an agency who is hiring him as a part-time employee. Yesterday he brought home the packet of paperwork to fill out, and they asked for three personal references, (non-related). He ended up only listing one---he honestly couldn't come up with any more.

    I guess---he says--it doesn't matter to him, but it made me feel kind of bad for him. I'm wondering if that's just the way guys are sometimes. My first husband had quite a few guy friends, but we were young then. I doubt if he sees any of them anymore.

    Any input from guys here?
    My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already!

  2. #2
    Senior Member CathyA's Avatar
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    Well, I'm not a guy, but I don't have any friends either. Some of us just don't seem to need them. Maybe he's just that kind of person?

  3. #3
    Simpleton Alan's Avatar
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    I don't have any friends either, not in the sense of friends when I was younger. My closest contacts now are merely acquaintances.
    I wouldn't feel bad for him unless he desperately wants close friends. If he's anything like me, his very best friend (you) is all he needs.
    "Things should be made as simple as possible, but not one bit simpler." ~ Albert Einstein

  4. #4
    Senior Member KayLR's Avatar
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    Well, if you were pressed to list non-related personal references, who would you use? I guess that's more what I should have asked. I realize not everyone has friends.
    My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already!

  5. #5
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    My friend's husband had that happen for his federal job; he was about 60, so he just listed me and it was fine.

  6. #6
    Simpleton Alan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KayLR View Post
    Well, if you were pressed to list non-related personal references, who would you use?
    Professional acquaintances.
    "Things should be made as simple as possible, but not one bit simpler." ~ Albert Einstein

  7. #7
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    Volunteer activity acquaintances, sport contacts, librarians, church contacts. Many people have just the superficial friends that one greets with warmth but it doesn't extend to social get-togethers. It is hard to organize social friends when one moves into a new area or stage of life. Retirees are often hit hard as their longterm friends were coworkers but oncer retired they move elsewhere or those still working don't have much to talk about with the retirees. It is something one needs to plan ahead.
    Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony .

  8. #8
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    I could come up with three references--barely. But they'd all be non-local. I have very few friends or acquaintances, and those friends I have, I've had for decades. Believe him when he says he doesn't feel the lack. Not everyone is a social butterfly--or socially promiscuous, as I sometimes think of it. A lot of us find our internal dialogues--or monologues--entertainment enough.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by KayLR View Post
    Well, if you were pressed to list non-related personal references, who would you use? I guess that's more what I should have asked. I realize not everyone has friends.
    Neighbors?

  10. #10
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    This all sounds familiar. We have relocated and I am itching to get out, do stuff and make new friends. DH seems content to just be and will read for hours on end or putter. It makes me sad that he doesn't want to look for other companionship. It's a pretty common theme in retirement I think, especially for males.

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