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Thread: My husband has no friends

  1. #21
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    Most men don't seem to have a lot of friends as they age and especially if they have a partner. I don't think they need it as much as women do. It is a little strange that he didn't have enough people he knew for references though.

  2. #22
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    lots of generalizations about men and women floating around these days as well, almost none of which really seem to have any truth to them to me (I was born a female, I will die a female, but I don't relate to this culture's stereotypes of women at all). I mean there may be some generalizations with truth, I don't know, but women are said to be more social (not necessarily), more chatty (not necessarily), need to share their feelings more (not necessarily), more emotional (not necessarily) etc.. I suspect it might be easier to make friends as a woman though, perhaps because it's more strongly socially encouraged!

    Mostly I see it as desirable to have more friends (than none anyway - or than just a partner), but a lot of desirable things are hard to do in the hustle and bustle and crazy that is life unless they are absolutely prioritized, because let's face it a lot of things are desirable, but no one has time for everything that might be desirable to do ...

    So sure the studies that show having a better social network are good for a person are likely accurate, but that doesn't mean it's experienced at the level of a need ("need it as much as women do") or a feeling ("feel the lack of day-to-day social contact the way women do") regardless of plumbing. So yes he'd probably be better off with more friends, in many ways, in terms of well being etc.. But it's not an absolute need.

    I don't have as much time to try to make friends since I met my bf a bit over a year ago. And yes when I was trying to I made some friends, but adult friendships seemed to peter out all the time - so it was actually a continual process, it's almost akin to cleaning, it's never actually done for good but always being redone, always continually having to meet NEW people just to have friends, as adult friendships don't last. So is it ideal to have less time for friends? No, it's not. I see my bf, I keep in touch with my birth family and visit them at least once a week, and often even that is a strain on the limits of what I can do.
    If you want something to get done, ask a busy person. If you want them to have a nervous breakdown that is.

  3. #23
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    I have been reading this and wondering about it. I don't seem to have a lot of friends, and if I was not working for awhile I would have a hard time putting down a reference. However I ignored a red flag with a person I hired a year ago. He had lots of enthusiasm however his last supervisor did not respond to any reference check calls I made and the one person I was able to reach hardly knew him and seemed surprised I called (always warn people that you are putting them down!). I may love a candidate however I will not hire without solid positive references again.

    Other than that I don't think things are wrong with someone with few friends, but I would be concerned if he was showing signs of depression or other issues.

  4. #24
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ApatheticNoMore View Post
    lots of generalizations about men and women floating around these days as well, almost none of which really seem to have any truth to them to me (I was born a female, I will die a female, but I don't relate to this culture's stereotypes of women at all). I mean there may be some generalizations with truth, I don't know, but women are said to be more social (not necessarily), more chatty (not necessarily), need to share their feelings more (not necessarily), more emotional (not necessarily) etc.. I suspect it might be easier to make friends as a woman though, perhaps because it's more strongly socially encouraged! ...
    Neither do I, and I never have, and all those characteristics you listed passed me by--along with constantly looking for outside validation and a tendency to talk more about other people and less about things that matter. Stereotypes are just rough shorthand and have only limited usefulness, if any.

  5. #25
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    My husband has one friend besides me and when I mention it to him he looks bewildered and says 'I have you'. He's satisfied so I let it go. I have a couple of friends besides my husband (I had lots of friends before we married) but I am satisfied with the way things are. When I was single I was good friends with a married women whose husband said he was glad his wife had a single friend like me because he didn't have to be friends with my husband. Differs with different people.

    I think I sounded like we are somewhat isolated so I should add that we have many acquaintances through the church we attend, a spiritual/social circle, a church family but although we have many acquaintances I hesitate to refer to the many as friends. Each of us would be and have been there for the other in times of need.
    Last edited by goldensmom; 2-11-17 at 2:07pm.

  6. #26
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Both of us, DH and me, are more inteoverts than extroverts. But we have several friends because we live in a village (a walkable neighborhood within the city) where we do lots of volunteer work. Thats how we meet people, through this work.

    I will say that as we all get to retirement age, friends are moving out to warm weather places, the country, across the country. We will have to adjust. We will be left with a social circle, but will have to,work harder to maintain it. But that will be entirely up to us because the structure is here for us to have a good social circle.

    Just within the past few years we gained cool neighbors across the street, 2 to 3 sets of people who bought $$$ new houses and who have chosen to live here and ALSO get involved in the community garden, house tours, safety patrol, etc.

    When we first bought this house 26 years ago, there was a women's shelter across the street and they dumped dirty diapers and hypodermic needles on our grass. Things have improved bigly.
    Last edited by iris lilies; 2-11-17 at 12:54pm.

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