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Thread: how would you handle this?

  1. #11
    Moderator Float On's Avatar
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    Have you talked on the phone yet?
    I would think the chain of events would go:
    email, text, talk, lots of talking on phone, an in-person meeting over coffee (no alcohol - dont want to impare our judgement) at a very safe public place, a longer meeting over a meal and activity (date), a lot of good discussions.
    I'm afraid that some use on-line dating sites just for hook-ups, they think 'oh this person is using on-line dating because they are desperate and I don't mind taking advantage of that'.
    I'd be very clear about your time-line and what you are not comfortable with - if someone is whiny or pushy then forget it, he does not have your best interest at heart. I'd much rather be alone than feel taken advantage of.
    No way would I accept an invite to meet him at his hotel bar and never at my home.

    Just as a side note: My first fiance was from NM while I was in MO and we actually met in Washington DC when we both worked a summer program there. We were the best at long-distance relationships and everything was perfect. It was just when we were together in the same place that I couldn't stand some things about him. Took me 3 years to figure out it would never work!
    Float On: My "Happy Place" is on my little kayak in the coves of Table Rock Lake.

  2. #12
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    Many of my friends did online dating in middle age and they all talked to the person via email and on the phone for about a month before meeting. One guy did fly in but after talking daily on the phone for a month my friend was comfortable by then. Tell him you need to take it slow.

  3. #13
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    I'm always wary of desperate-seeming people...

  4. #14
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    He might not be a bad guy, but kind of clueless for sure. Yes, I'd say get to know him better, by email or chat or skype or phone (I mean I do think people have their mediums that they prefer more than others - but whatever medium one uses - really should invest some time in learning a bit about each other before buying a plane ticket). I mean the wanting to rush to meet, might just be because he's done the long distance thing before and people are drastically different in person than they seem via other communication (in looks sure, but they can also be so in personality as well and not in a good way ... trust me on this one ). So it could even be a not wanting to get burned thing but ...
    If you want something to get done, ask a busy person. If you want them to have a nervous breakdown that is.

  5. #15
    Senior Member pony mom's Avatar
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    Why not do something like Skype?

  6. #16
    Senior Member Kestra's Avatar
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    Yes it's unclear how much phone or Skype talking has occurred. I'd want lots of that first. And regardless if you are uncomfortable don't do it. And don't give out your address. You could also ask straight out if he is wanting to have sex with you. And tell him if you're not into that so soon.

  7. #17
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    Well, he flamed out. I told him the precautions I would be taking if he came here and that there would not be sex. He thought I was not trusting him so I sent him a link to a site that tells you all the precautions you should take if you're dating online. So then he was a little better. Then yesterday, I took my sick dad who is in a lot of pain to run errands. The guy asks me to buy him an iTunes gift card while I'm out, he doesn't feel comfortable buying things online and his car wasn't running. WTH??? His car would be fixed before I could mail him the card. I said no, sorry we're not going to anymore stores, I have to get my dad home. He accused me of lying about my dad and then asked me to buy him an iTunes gift card online and give him the code. I said if your old enough to date online, you are old enough to make your own purchases online. He got mad and I blocked him. I also reported him to the website because people aren;t supposed to ask for gifts or money. Thank God he pulled that stunt and I didn't let him come here. Live and learn

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by freshstart View Post
    Well, he flamed out. I told him the precautions I would be taking if he came here and that there would not be sex. He thought I was not trusting him so I sent him a link to a site that tells you all the precautions you should take if you're dating online. So then he was a little better. Then yesterday, I took my sick dad who is in a lot of pain to run errands. The guy asks me to buy him an iTunes gift card while I'm out, he doesn't feel comfortable buying things online and his car wasn't running. WTH??? His car would be fixed before I could mail him the card. I said no, sorry we're not going to anymore stores, I have to get my dad home. He accused me of lying about my dad and then asked me to buy him an iTunes gift card online and give him the code. I said if your old enough to date online, you are old enough to make your own purchases online. He got mad and I blocked him. I also reported him to the website because people aren;t supposed to ask for gifts or money. Thank God he pulled that stunt and I didn't let him come here. Live and learn
    Wow, that is really scary, Freshstart. I would get off that site and forget about that way of meeting people--it sounds dangerous! That would stress me completely, and I don't need any more stress.

  9. #19
    Senior Member pony mom's Avatar
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    It almost sounds like the beginning of a catfish scam. Asking for little things, then hitting you up for more and more money.

  10. #20
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pony mom View Post
    It almost sounds like the beginning of a catfish scam. Asking for little things, then hitting you up for more and more money.
    And there is no way to sort out the fishermen except to assume that they are until proven otherwise.
    Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony .

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