As you all may know from previous posts to other threads, I have what doctors call a "weight problem."
I have tried all sorts of things to drop some elbeez. I fight the fat, but the fat always wins.
I believe I may have finally hit rock bottom though. On Feb. 5th I was lounging around my apartment. Then I got it in my head I wanted some pancakes -- with real, organic maple syrup. So I decided to have this for lunch.
While I don't eat desserts (cookies, cupcakes, etc.) I have found pancakes to be nebulously defined because they are eaten as a meal and compared to Twinkies, they ain't that bad. Or so I thought...
Anyway, it was like a switch flicked in my brain. All I could think about was these pancakes and all the maple syrup. So I made a stack perhaps a foot high on my plate, this was maybe 20 pancakes. Then I poured most of the bottle of syrup on them.
Keep in mind I was alone in my apartment.
Then I proceeded to demolish that stack o' flap jacks.
In the middle of it I thought: "I am recreational eating alone -- is that like drinking alone?"
A couple minutes later I thought: "If someone saw me eating this way, I'd be ashamed."
But I just kept pounding those pancakes.
Then later that night, for dinner, I ordered a pizza and smashed the whole thing.
I was truly on a wild, intense, out of control binge.
This actually frightened me.
Then I did something I had never done before. I went through my cupboards and my fridge and tossed out everything I knew was bad for me. Butter, a tin of ravioli, the all-purpose refined flour, the remainder of the bottle of maple syrup, etc.
At that point I had a real conversation with myself. I said: "Usually I can white-knuckle my way to success. But I don't think I can in this situation. I think I am like a junkie, an addict."
As a straight edge, teetotaler this revelation crumpled my identity.
But I accepted it.
Since then I have had two regular appointments with a university health coach. Upon his suggestion I also made appointments with a therapist, to talk about this addiction. I also have ongoing appointments with my health coach. He also suggests I meet with a university nutritionist as well. I intend to do this.
The point being that I build up a social support network to be accountable to.
So I have been "clean" since Feb. 6th. I have not eaten butter, or refined grain, no pancakes or pizzas. I have two mantras that guide me:
1."If it tastes really good, then don't eat it!"
2."Remember the pancake incident!"
I have been eating veggies every day. They are horrible. I also eat a wide variety of fresh fruits, and these are nominally good. I eat some sprouted grain/whole grain bread with no added sugar (this also tastes bad). I eat eggs, some chickens, and fish. I also munch on some almonds and peanut butter.
It has been 11 days that I have been clean.