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Thread: The Pancake Incident

  1. #1
    Senior Member UltraliteAngler's Avatar
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    The Pancake Incident

    As you all may know from previous posts to other threads, I have what doctors call a "weight problem."

    I have tried all sorts of things to drop some elbeez. I fight the fat, but the fat always wins.

    I believe I may have finally hit rock bottom though. On Feb. 5th I was lounging around my apartment. Then I got it in my head I wanted some pancakes -- with real, organic maple syrup. So I decided to have this for lunch.

    While I don't eat desserts (cookies, cupcakes, etc.) I have found pancakes to be nebulously defined because they are eaten as a meal and compared to Twinkies, they ain't that bad. Or so I thought...

    Anyway, it was like a switch flicked in my brain. All I could think about was these pancakes and all the maple syrup. So I made a stack perhaps a foot high on my plate, this was maybe 20 pancakes. Then I poured most of the bottle of syrup on them.

    Keep in mind I was alone in my apartment.

    Then I proceeded to demolish that stack o' flap jacks.

    In the middle of it I thought: "I am recreational eating alone -- is that like drinking alone?"

    A couple minutes later I thought: "If someone saw me eating this way, I'd be ashamed."

    But I just kept pounding those pancakes.

    Then later that night, for dinner, I ordered a pizza and smashed the whole thing.

    I was truly on a wild, intense, out of control binge.

    This actually frightened me.

    Then I did something I had never done before. I went through my cupboards and my fridge and tossed out everything I knew was bad for me. Butter, a tin of ravioli, the all-purpose refined flour, the remainder of the bottle of maple syrup, etc.

    At that point I had a real conversation with myself. I said: "Usually I can white-knuckle my way to success. But I don't think I can in this situation. I think I am like a junkie, an addict."

    As a straight edge, teetotaler this revelation crumpled my identity.

    But I accepted it.

    Since then I have had two regular appointments with a university health coach. Upon his suggestion I also made appointments with a therapist, to talk about this addiction. I also have ongoing appointments with my health coach. He also suggests I meet with a university nutritionist as well. I intend to do this.

    The point being that I build up a social support network to be accountable to.

    So I have been "clean" since Feb. 6th. I have not eaten butter, or refined grain, no pancakes or pizzas. I have two mantras that guide me:
    1."If it tastes really good, then don't eat it!"
    2."Remember the pancake incident!"

    I have been eating veggies every day. They are horrible. I also eat a wide variety of fresh fruits, and these are nominally good. I eat some sprouted grain/whole grain bread with no added sugar (this also tastes bad). I eat eggs, some chickens, and fish. I also munch on some almonds and peanut butter.

    It has been 11 days that I have been clean.
    的 came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  2. #2
    Senior Member Rogar's Avatar
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    Hey UL, congratulations on staying "clean". I think I inherited the wrong genes as I've been on a lifelong diet and fight to stay close to my ideal weight range. I've gone mostly vegan for almost exactly a year and will not go on about it, but will say that cooking with and eating fruits and vegetables takes some practice to make them taste good. And that said they will never taste as good as a stack of pancakes with real syrup or a sausage pizza, but they can be made to satisfy the appetite.

    I think everyone needs a little diet relief valve and sometimes my urges get overwhelming. At least for me indulging occasionally is better than constantly fighting the urges.

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    Nice!

    sugar is incredibly hard - it hides everywhere.

    may I suggest mark Bittman's "food matters" for recipes. It is flexitarian and my dh has actually enjoyed some of the vegetable dishes. It also has a 30 day "diet" plan, but he does not eschew butter or refined grain. He does have some good recipes without them. Also some chicken and fish I haven't made and can't vouch for. I thought his bread pudding was awful, so there is ammunition against succumbing to that if you check out the book.

    raw carrots are crunchy and sweet. They seem sweeter the longer you avoid sugar.

    if you want support here, I'm happy to help. I'm still fighting my own yo-yo, although I'm on the down again without peaking quite as high. I find that for me regular exercise is critical. Eating healthy is easier for me than exercising.

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    Senior Member UltraliteAngler's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rogar View Post
    Hey UL, congratulations on staying "clean". I think I inherited the wrong genes as I've been on a lifelong diet and fight to stay close to my ideal weight range. I've gone mostly vegan for almost exactly a year and will not go on about it, but will say that cooking with and eating fruits and vegetables takes some practice to make them taste good. And that said they will never taste as good as a stack of pancakes with real syrup or a sausage pizza, but they can be made to satisfy the appetite.

    I think everyone needs a little diet relief valve and sometimes my urges get overwhelming. At least for me indulging occasionally is better than constantly fighting the urges.
    Thanks!

    And I am glad to hear that you can indulge sometimes. The thing for me, and I talked to my health coach about this, is that it is like an alcoholic taking one shot of whiskey. I'd probably be drinking straight from the bottle later that day. haha
    的 came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

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    Senior Member UltraliteAngler's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    Nice!

    sugar is incredibly hard - it hides everywhere.

    may I suggest mark Bittman's "food matters" for recipes. It is flexitarian and my dh has actually enjoyed some of the vegetable dishes. It also has a 30 day "diet" plan, but he does not eschew butter or refined grain. He does have some good recipes without them. Also some chicken and fish I haven't made and can't vouch for. I thought his bread pudding was awful, so there is ammunition against succumbing to that if you check out the book.

    raw carrots are crunchy and sweet. They seem sweeter the longer you avoid sugar.

    if you want support here, I'm happy to help. I'm still fighting my own yo-yo, although I'm on the down again without peaking quite as high. I find that for me regular exercise is critical. Eating healthy is easier for me than exercising.
    I sincerely appreciate the encouragement. I am exercising as well (more than just cycling around. My BIL gavee me two hand weights/dumb bells. So I am doing some weight-lifting. I am also just doing push-ups. When I started a few weeks ago I could do about 8. Now I can do 21. Slow, slow progress.
    的 came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  6. #6
    Senior Member Rogar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler View Post
    Thanks!

    And I am glad to hear that you can indulge sometimes. The thing for me, and I talked to my health coach about this, is that it is like an alcoholic taking one shot of whiskey. I'd probably be drinking straight from the bottle later that day. haha
    I understand. There is a difference between indulging and binging. When I get undeniable ice cream urges I get one of those small ice cream containers or if it's pizza I just get a slice or make my own veggie pizza. It seems to knock back some of the really strong food urges. For what it's worth.

  7. #7
    Senior Member CathyA's Avatar
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    ULA, I feel your pain. I, too, am a food addict. Fortunately, I love veggies and eat tons of them. But.....I just can't eat sweets, or many other carbs without it triggering a big fall.
    For me, if I can go 3-4 days without sugar, I can get a good foothold on the problem. It always comes back though, when I feel too confident. All it takes is one brownie/cookie/taste of ice cream, etc., and I'm a goner.
    Since you live alone, I think a good thing for you to do is never bring anything into your house that can cause you problems. If you absolutely, positively must have something sweet, then buy a one serving of it. But still.......even that might trigger your addiction.
    I've found that when I'm home, I have a huge appetite. But when I go somewhere for the day, I don't think much about eating.......until I get home. I also know that if I have project at home (sewing/cleaning/jigsaw puzzle)........something I need to really concentrate on, it distracts my appetite.
    But for sure........carbs beget carbs. I know how hard it is. It IS an addiction. What makes it hard is, unlike drugs and/or alcohol, you can't stay away from food. We have to have it a couple times a day. Bummer.
    Good luck to you! And make sure you get sunshine and are getting enough vitamins and minerals.

  8. #8
    Senior Member UltraliteAngler's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CathyA View Post
    ULA, I feel your pain. I, too, am a food addict. Fortunately, I love veggies and eat tons of them. But.....I just can't eat sweets, or many other carbs without it triggering a big fall.
    For me, if I can go 3-4 days without sugar, I can get a good foothold on the problem. It always comes back though, when I feel too confident. All it takes is one brownie/cookie/taste of ice cream, etc., and I'm a goner.
    Since you live alone, I think a good thing for you to do is never bring anything into your house that can cause you problems. If you absolutely, positively must have something sweet, then buy a one serving of it. But still.......even that might trigger your addiction.
    I've found that when I'm home, I have a huge appetite. But when I go somewhere for the day, I don't think much about eating.......until I get home. I also know that if I have project at home (sewing/cleaning/jigsaw puzzle)........something I need to really concentrate on, it distracts my appetite.
    But for sure........carbs beget carbs. I know how hard it is. It IS an addiction. What makes it hard is, unlike drugs and/or alcohol, you can't stay away from food. We have to have it a couple times a day. Bummer.
    Good luck to you! And make sure you get sunshine and are getting enough vitamins and minerals.
    I appreciate your kind words and insights.

    I do take vitamins, multi and an extra D3.

    For me it is less often sweets, the pancake with syrup thing is more rare, whereas pizzas and fried chicken are my drugs of choice. I also go bonkers on anything with a big pile of rice. I used to be a sweets junkie with I was a kid -- cakes, chocolates, cookies, etc. I still feel a craving for them. But it has been years and years since I had them. So I have been able to keep those wolves outside the gate.

    My plan is to just keep focusing on staying clean each day, lean on my health coach and therapist, and just build a habit. Maybe over time I can acquire a taste for healthier foods.
    的 came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  9. #9
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    I am usually a healthy eater.. I haven't had a soda in many years. If I eat sugar, I try to eat some decent chocolate rather than cake. Used to love ice cream but I never eat it anymore. After the fantastic results of DH and my "carb-free pre-son's-wedding-diet" I've tried to stay off processed carbs (breads, pastas etc).

    But sometimes I get incredible pizza cravings, and I'll order a pizza and eat the whole thing--especially when I'm on the road. Or, I've broken down and EVEN had a McDonald's burger and a shake when I'm particularly vulnerable, such as when I haven't eaten in a while. I think it's my brain craving fats AND carbs.

    In that case, I generally give myself a pass--since I'm pretty good most of the time. So it might not be some moral defect, UA--it's probably something biological that's out of whack, like the balance of macronutrients at that particular time.

    Make sure you have nuts to snack on, or even a piece of organic chocolate.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

  10. #10
    Senior Member UltraliteAngler's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    I am usually a healthy eater.. I haven't had a soda in many years. If I eat sugar, I try to eat some decent chocolate rather than cake. Used to love ice cream but I never eat it anymore. After the fantastic results of DH and my "carb-free pre-son's-wedding-diet" I've tried to stay off processed carbs (breads, pastas etc).

    But sometimes I get incredible pizza cravings, and I'll order a pizza and eat the whole thing--especially when I'm on the road. Or, I've broken down and EVEN had a McDonald's burger and a shake when I'm particularly vulnerable, such as when I haven't eaten in a while. I think it's my brain craving fats AND carbs.

    In that case, I generally give myself a pass--since I'm pretty good most of the time. So it might not be some moral defect, UA--it's probably something biological that's out of whack, like the balance of macronutrients at that particular time.

    Make sure you have nuts to snack on, or even a piece of organic chocolate.
    I have almonds, but I don't do chocolate. It has caffeine, which I have not consumed since about age 20 (I am 37 now).

    I also, since getting clean, have kept apples and citrus fruits around.

    Which is interesting. I could eat 8 slices of pizza, and I have. But I could not eat 8 oranges -- no way! Isn't that interesting?

    It sounds like you have a system that works for you. Glad to hear it!
    的 came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

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