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Thread: dating is so hard

  1. #1
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    dating is so hard

    I had my first Plenty of Fish guy. Perfectly nice Egyptian man wanted to go to the Cheesecake Factory on Weds. I try to generate chat but he was shy. So I just keep asking him questions, it began to feel like a job interview. He wanted to go out Friday but could not think of a single things to do, I suggested a movie and he said he doesn't like the movies. So I suggested we go t his fav restaurant, Chili's even though I really don't care for it or so many chain restaurants. is interests are few: reading the paper and watching horror movies on tv. I realized I would never be content with that. I need a man who reads, likes plays and independent film, likes to do stuff. So I Dear Johned him very nicely. Too nicely, I got 12 texts from him begging to be friends, please see him once a week, etc. That was last night, then 4 more today. It was like I was stepping on a puppy's head, I felt do bad.

    Bachelor #3 is from the UK, but lives here, handsome, good job. His wife died in a car crash and he has a 10 yr old son. he starts sending pages long emails about love at first sight, destiny, all this flower-y crap you don't say to someone you've never met. Thank God we switched to texting so no more pages and pages about how certain he is that I'm the one. So he's flying out of town last night so I asked who watches his son. He goes, "I told you, he lives with his grandmother in the UK. But she is getting sick that's why I need a good wife and good children for him to be around." WTH, he did not tell me that! Who leaves their little boy behind when he's lost his mother? Plus, he was always asking questions about my health (I am being upfront with the I'm not up to par with everyone I meet and disclose I have not been cleared for work), what am I eating (I'm fat) like he wants to make sure I really am slimming down. He even asked me what heart meds do I take for the POT syndrome! Now it all makes sense, I am being interviewed for role of mother to his child. Not cool at all. So I'm going to have to Dear John him. I don't know if I physically could take care of a 10 yr old and I'm not sure I want to. Is that too cold? I wouldn't mind if I got to know someone well and I eventually became close to his kids but I am not looking to be an insta-wife and mom.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by freshstart View Post
    I had my first Plenty of Fish guy. Perfectly nice Egyptian man wanted to go to the Cheesecake Factory on Weds. I try to generate chat but he was shy. So I just keep asking him questions, it began to feel like a job interview. He wanted to go out Friday but could not think of a single things to do, I suggested a movie and he said he doesn't like the movies. So I suggested we go t his fav restaurant, Chili's even though I really don't care for it or so many chain restaurants. is interests are few: reading the paper and watching horror movies on tv. I realized I would never be content with that. I need a man who reads, likes plays and independent film, likes to do stuff. So I Dear Johned him very nicely. Too nicely, I got 12 texts from him begging to be friends, please see him once a week, etc. That was last night, then 4 more today. It was like I was stepping on a puppy's head, I felt do bad.

    Bachelor #3 is from the UK, but lives here, handsome, good job. His wife died in a car crash and he has a 10 yr old son. he starts sending pages long emails about love at first sight, destiny, all this flower-y crap you don't say to someone you've never met. Thank God we switched to texting so no more pages and pages about how certain he is that I'm the one. So he's flying out of town last night so I asked who watches his son. He goes, "I told you, he lives with his grandmother in the UK. But she is getting sick that's why I need a good wife and good children for him to be around." WTH, he did not tell me that! Who leaves their little boy behind when he's lost his mother? Plus, he was always asking questions about my health (I am being upfront with the I'm not up to par with everyone I meet and disclose I have not been cleared for work), what am I eating (I'm fat) like he wants to make sure I really am slimming down. He even asked me what heart meds do I take for the POT syndrome! Now it all makes sense, I am being interviewed for role of mother to his child. Not cool at all. So I'm going to have to Dear John him. I don't know if I physically could take care of a 10 yr old and I'm not sure I want to. Is that too cold? I wouldn't mind if I got to know someone well and I eventually became close to his kids but I am not looking to be an insta-wife and mom.
    My female friends have told me that the insta-wife/insta-mom thing is commonly sought after.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  3. #3
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    Freshstart, the stories you are telling about this online dating site are so awful that I don't understand why you would not take all of your information off that site immediately. It scares me to hear you say, "is this too cold?" about a situation that has so many red flags. Maybe step back a bit and give yourself more time to date in real life.

    I apologize if that sounds harsh, but I think you are vulnerable to predators on that site, and why make yourself vulnerable to predators?

  4. #4
    Senior Member CathyA's Avatar
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    I second what Tybee said.

  5. #5
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    yeah, I either need to grow a tougher skin and ignore emails from people who sound not right or get off the site. I only have very general info about me on the site and one photo. I decided I' not allowing extended email conversations without meeting for coffee first to see if the person is a good match and stable. I'm not looking for a pen pal.

  6. #6
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    That's a common thing around those sites.
    I don't know if they're trolling for wives or a sympathetic person for the next part of the scam or what....
    I took my profile down from all of them because of this.
    POF is 1 of worst because its free.
    My "best" was "Scott" who was flying to South Africa to settle his fathers business affairs and suddenly needed a 50.00 ITunes card sent to him? Don't think so buddy!
    I think they're all catfishers.

  7. #7
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    Have you also noticed all their spelling and syntax is horrible?

  8. #8
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    All my friends met their spouses later in life from using online dating sites. They went through about 16 dates before they found the one. 20 years later and they all are with the same person and happy. Do not give up. It just takes time to sort out the rubbish.

  9. #9
    Senior Member bae's Avatar
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    That sounds like a dreadful experience :-(

    My niece just this week got engaged to a nice young man who I joke "she ordered from Amazon Prime". He lived halfway across the country, they met on some online dating site, they met in person after some weeks of chatting online, they went through a several year courtship after he moved to her city, and all seems well. They are in their early 20s .

    I was quite dubious at first, expecting the sort of thing you have encountered.

  10. #10
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    I need a man who reads, likes plays and independent film, likes to do stuff. So I Dear Johned him very nicely.
    my man is like that but there are two problems 1) his job works him 6 days a week and on week days it's 10 or 11 hours a day, so mostly time for hanging out with me and survival pretty much and barely that. See that's what it's like when life is a struggle economically 2) I don't like to do stuff all that much, because I'm as time crunched as anyone (except him, he's more time crunched) and am a deep introvert who needs serious downtime, and if I don't get it on weekends etc. I'm not going to get it. So I'd rather just be home etc..
    If you want something to get done, ask a busy person. If you want them to have a nervous breakdown that is.

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