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Thread: Year three of the elephant

  1. #41
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    CL, I think I'm seeing a finished kitchen in your summer!

  2. #42
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    Oh no, the kitchen will not be finished! The drywall guys will hopefully be done quickly, but then we have a "vacation" (family obligations) so no painting will get done til the second week of July. I am slow so I don't know if I'll even finish painting before the cabinets come. They will arrive at the beginning of August (?) and then dh will start installing, with my help, on weekends. If I'm lucky, the cabinets will be in place before my son gets married Labor Day weekend, but we haven't even chosen a sink or counters, and he has a bunch of appliances to wire in. Plus the supply line part of the plumbing.

    but it was a nice thought!

  3. #43
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    Dye all starts this morning!

    iin other news, the cabinets will be here the 10th!

    dh says if I paint the kitchen first, he will install cabinets while I paint.

    also, I have been making some progress in the studio. Mostly organizing, but a little purging. I have made a couple of really hard decisions. The on-line hoarding group is helping.

  4. #44
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    I just want to pop in to say that I continue to love your updates on this three-year project.

  5. #45
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    The drywall is up. The finishing guy says it will take him at least until the end of next week.

    i salvaged some drywall pieces to make ware boards and line some of my wire shelving for plaster molds and I now have a bee in my bonnet to claim my studio space (I would say "reclaim" but it has always been a mix of pottery and kid stuff.)

    i am sorting through the toys and moving most of them to the basement (which means that when I am done, the two room basement is going to be a wreck again, but the rest of the house and my studio are going to be nice.) The basement can be the next elephant. Some of the toys I am giving the kids a choice to take now or donate, but my youngest doesn't have anyplace to take anything to right now, so I don't mind putting the distribution off a couple more years.

  6. #46
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    Thanks for the Updates Chicken Lady it is good to see you are making progress!

  7. #47
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    Dh had the HVAC guy come back this morning to discuss putting a third zone upstairs in the original house. I would need to reclear a significant portion of basement and move four small bookshelves and a little bench (too small for children) with some dolls on it (one of the few places I still have dolls not packed away).

    dh said "you're going to have to move things again. I'm sorry." I said "I'm going to put everything in the living room."

    i think this is a great solution because it leads to only four problems. Dh can't reach the piano, which he doesn't play often, anyone who comes over sees the mess (I don't care), dh can't reach the stereo, which he plays too loudly, and no one can see the television. I can quite happily live without the television.

    i can just leave everything in the living room until the addition is done and we need to move the piano.

    yes, this sounds aggressive. But I am not the person who wants a third zone. After he puts in the 3rd zone, we will have far more nights when we air condition instead of sleeping with the windows open because he sleeps better that way. I sleep better with the windows open. So we are going to have added expense (ongoing added expense) which will decrease my quality of sleep, lead to more fights about the blankets on the bed, and - during installation - create more work and disruption for me.

    i think he should give up the television until it is done in order to avoid me having to give up the use of some other area. The living room is the least functional space in our house. The inadequacy of the living room is most of the reason for the addition. He can move the tv to his office before I start clearing. He will tell me that is too much work.

  8. #48
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    The last thing I would do is give up the livingroom. That should be a place to read, relax, sit in a comfortable chair and for your DH to watch TV. I really think the fact that you have to keep moving tons of stuff constantly should tell you that you have way too much stuff and need to get rid of some instead of rearranging. What a waste of your energy/time. I know you won't do it but your collections could go to a good cause and help them raise $.

  9. #49
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    Yes, I know we disagree on wether or not I should get to keep my stuff. This is part of why I am now talking about that elsewhere. I am quite sure that I could find a large group of people who would feel that dh sitting in a chair watching tv is a huge waste of his time and energy and our electricity - but his values are not harming anyone. Nor are they more valid than my values. (If you are going to argue that my stuff is harming him because he finds it annoying, then by the same logic, the tv goes too.)

    the fact that I gave to keep moving stuff constantly is caused by the fact that I have accepted my husband's right to significant empty space and his use/designation of all the rooms that are not constantly involved in construction.

    He has an office. It is far from full, but the surfaces in it get very dusty. My surfaces do not get dusty because I am constantly doing things on them. maybe he should give up his dusty turntable or throw out all the back tax records (we have never ever used or needed those, we keep them "just in case" - like many of my things, many of which have been used or needed) and I should put my sewing basket which I use at least once a month in his office instead of in the back of the guest room closet. His office has a comfortable chair with an ottoman where he sits to watch Netflix and YouTube on his iPad. He does crossword puzzles there or on the porch or at the kitchen table.

    The living room is small and dark. 95% of the activity in the living room is one or more people watching a movie or tv show together (once or twice a week) or dh watching sports with the volume turned up so loud that you cannot concentrate enough to read anywhere else in the house - because he likes to be able to leave the set on, wander off, and come back when it sounds interesting. The rest of the use is sleeping on the couch - we have beds or me getting books off the shelf or dusting/rearranging/puttering with decorative and functional items on the shelves - an activity I enjoy. Or vaccuming or straightening the pillows on the couch and refolding the blanket (he moves the pillows and blanket for his use and comfort and then leaves it looking messy.)

    when dd and I watch a show together, we use an iPad or laptop so that we can set it wherever we are also doing something else.

    i am sure this post sounds grumpy. It is less grumpy than it started, because I edited out a lot of sarcasm. I feel grumpy because I thought we had agreed to disagree on this issue, and yet, I feel a need to respond to your comments because this is my thread, so I will be returning to it for feedback/encouragement on the stuff I am actually trying to do, and I don't really want to come back to a bunch of people who missed the previous conversations and think it would be helpful to help encourage me to do things I definitely do not want to do because they are relevant to somebody else's life not mine (I love being a mom, however, I would never suggest Ultralite that he would be less lonely if he adopted a kid.) nor do I feel supported when I basically say "I am standing up for myself this time, I should not have to bare all the burden of a shared goal - his important issue, his inconvenience" and I am told "but you should be inconvenienced, not him, because you have bad values." - btw, those people buying these items to support these great causes - is that ok? Because that's people like me, and you can't have the effect without the cause.

    btw, the 4 small bookshelves that would have to be moved are upstairs along the wall where the bedroom flows in his office and have both my stuff and his stuff on them. This wall will need to be cut into. This was not in the original plan, and in case I wasn't clear - I don't actually want to do it.

  10. #50
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    You must feel very frustrated and angry. No advise except to breathe.

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