I watched the Royal Wedding this morning. It was such a wonderful joyous thing. I didn't intend to wake up for it. I woke up because my own daughter's wedding coming up in 4 weeks has resulted in a terrible situation that keeps me awake.
On the old boards I posted a dillemma with this wedding. I'm an identicle twin and extremely close to my sister. She and my BIL have literally been second parents to my daughter for a lot of reasons. They are a huge part of the wedding. We have a brother who is 8 years older than we are. From age 8 till 11 my sister was brutally and routinely sexually abused by my brother. She hasn't spoken to him in well over 30 years, except for an encounter about 15 years ago where he told her she enjoyed it and to get over it. I was there.
My mom started a campaign to get my brother invited to the wedding. She wanted me to send him an invitation and he'd drive my mom there but he wouldn't come in he'd just wait in the car. Yeah right. I sought advice from these boards (old version) and the concensus was unanimous. If I sent an invite he'd be there in an instant. And without question if that happened my sister would leave and my mom knew it.
Taking a poster on these boards advice that NO is a complete sentence, I told my mom no. She told me to think about it. She was all excited and was going to come to her only grand-daughter's wedding no matter what. When he didn't get an invitation and she told me to send another one I told her he wasn't invited. Several days later she called to say she was not attending, she was too feeble. (mind you she goes to excercise class four days a week)
I called her on the fact that as long as my brother was driving her here she wasn't too feeble but as soon as I said no to him, she said no to attending and that her choice was obvious. She went into a complete rage at me. (on the phone at my job). I called her later that night from home and she proceeded to tell me I was uppity, a goody two shoes, I'd never done anything for her in my life, I was a liar, I was manipulative etc. She mocked me by saying in a snearing insulting voice "You're such a good mom", indicating that I thought I was a better mom than her.
You know what? I am a better mom than her. And I told her so. What kind of mother inflicts a pedophile (my sister wasn't the only victim) who was abusing her own daughter on her grand-daughter's wedding knowing what havoc it will cause. Her total adoration for that son of hers blinds her to everything else. And she was willing to use my daughter's wedding to throw my sister under the bus. And my daughter and I are just fodder.
So while I was watching the wedding this morning I found myself sad and angry. A time that should have been joyous for me has ended up being the thing that made me finally cut all ties with my mother. It was a long time coming. She's never really liked my sister or I. I really think she resents my sister for sullying her son and she sees us as one in the same. She hasn't been to my home in over ten years. Prior to that she'd only been there twice in the prior five years in spite of constant invitations and my willingness to drive her there.
The weird thing is that I am mourning the loss of my mom. It feels almost like she's dead. It took a wedding to finally find out what she thought of me all along. The only family member of mine at the wedding will be my sister and her husband. The groom will have approximately 50 family members. It's going to be a very difficult day for me and that really makes me mad.