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Thread: snob or standards

  1. #1
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    snob or standards

    Argh, well my pet issue of the last couple of years came to a head today.

    I just spent 3 days in an in-depth training to become a trainer in the system we use to evaluate and improve our programming. There are 10 training sessions that we are qualified to train in now. We spent a month doing weekly homework, webinars and assignments. It was real work even with my 6 years of experience in this program. I was able to spend less hours because I read really fast and it was familiar. We should have put in about 6-8 hours a week on this program. I really didn't have time but I have been asking for years to do this training so I definitely took advantage after I asked again and got accepted.

    The point of the 3 day training was to actually do practice training with a partner and get feedback. We stepped up to it over the days, I was given a partner, I got to choose the topic I wanted (Reframing Conflict) and we had a couple hours the day before to put together our training. My partner was someone that I had hesitation about. She works in my department, does not have as much experience and I have some concerns about her work. Basically the least qualified person I could be paired with, and I have been very positive and encouraging thinking that would help. Our presentation was terrible honestly. I overtalked at first, then caught myself and stepped back for her to do her part. She told me I had done her part and so I went on to the next section of the power point. Well she actually had not done her part, the content. We were just missing that. She also could not say the name of the workshop correctly, she kept saying Reframing From Conflict. In our feedback session the observer pointed out that had another meaning. I think to have done better we would have needed many hours and walked through it from beginning to end where I did quite a bit of teaching in the process. She was having difficulty tracking what we were planning and remembering so a lot of our time went there. After the missing content part and trying to recover I know I went downhill. I am really upset, I wanted to work on my training technique and learn how to do some things better. I guess this lesson was more about working with others. I feel this pull to be helping and understanding. I have been doing this since I was in elementary school!! They didn't have a difficult enough (math, reading, science) program for me so they had me tutor and work with others, I could read the materials at least twice in the time given and just entertained myself, I turned in my math test 2nd so I would not upset anyone after the teachers talked to me about how the boys felt. I was put in group projects that everyone wanted to do with me because I would make sure we got an A. I don't want to care about how others feel that much! I don't want to tutor or train someone without any recognition! I have a lifetimes of making other people feel good and I just want to let myself be upset that she was not prepared, and that when I sensed this unpreparedness I overstepped.

    So the snobby thing, If I have not already sounded like a snob, I have had this issue with some people we have developed from within directly from site staff. Many of them do not use professional or educated language. It is an issue I have only brought up with one person and we agreed there was no way to address it. I honestly have no idea how to address it respectfully, however I know that when the observer corrected her use of the title of the program that is the only time I have ever seen this happen. We never correct or offer support on speaking and presenting, and then we send our people out to make an impression on the school and parents and the larger afterschool community.

    Day 3 of no patch also,

  2. #2
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    It sounds like you are a perfectionist (like me), but you are able to keep it under control because people still want to work with you. You can't control them, only yourself. You can take this as a learning experience for yourself about overspeaking, then let it go, and celebrate your success going without the patch. Be gentle to yourself, because you can't count on recognition or appreciate from others for your training skills or anything else. Most people including unfortunately many managers are just too wrapped up in their own problems. A few days or weeks down the road no one will remember that the presentation was off except you if you let it haunt you.

  3. #3
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    That's really good advice, Yppej. I hate group work because I am a perfectionist and pretty controlling in this area, and group work is usually miserable for me. Sometimes you have to step back and let go. Al anon is helping me with this.

  4. #4
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    I guess you have to face the fact that in your line of work, you're not likely to be surrounded by the best and the brightest? Look for intellectual stimulation elsewhere, and take from the job what you can.

  5. #5
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    Thank you all, I had a really good conference call with my Buddhist teacher and close friend. I was able to talk through the situation and there are lots of layers to this. Not things I am going to talk to anyone at work about it probably, but very helpful. One thing that was super awesome was that I do regular conference calls, live weekends to develop facilitation skills, and learning with this small group of women over the last couple years. So last month's call was mine to facilitate and my teacher did the 10 minute talk. I have now heard from her 3 times how great that call was, and this is not the first time I have had praise from her on my skills. She has been actively teaching and leading retreats for 20 years so that is awesome.

    The perfectionist thing is big, and I spent the whole 3 days doing a good job in not over-sharing and taking over the group. It was such an awesome group of women (all women and one support guy who brought us lunch and snacks). We do a LOT of team builders, ice breakers and group formers. It was part of the training to show that we could do many different of these methods. One of them we lined up by birthdate and there were 3 of us with the same birthday! Plus 2 more in the same month. That means out of 16 women, 5 were Scorpios. Pretty awesome energy, I think I will have some long term friends from this. Many were local, and one wants me to adopt her as a daughter.

  6. #6
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    God how I hate "ice-breakers." Can I assume "team formers" and "group formers" are any better?

  7. #7
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    God how I hate "ice-breakers." Can I assume "team formers" and "group formers" are any better?
    Ditto. The more I read about today's working "culture," the happier I am to be out of there permanently.

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