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Thread: The biggest threat facing middle-age men isnít smoking or obesity. Itís loneliness.

  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alan View Post
    I thought everyone knew men were happier when they had the opportunity to flocculate.
    That must be why my wife refers to me as "clump nugget".

  2. #12
    Simpleton Alan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LDAHL View Post
    That must be why my wife refers to me as "clump nugget".
    You should pay close attention to her facial expressions and tone of voice when she says that. Take it from someone who knows!
    "Things should be made as simple as possible, but not one bit simpler." ~ Albert Einstein

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alan View Post
    You should pay close attention to her facial expressions and tone of voice when she says that. Take it from someone who knows!
    Good advice. Next time she says "Out of my house, you egregious clump nugget", I'll make a point of trying to parse the nuanced emotional subtext.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Williamsmith's Avatar
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    I have the opposite problem. I have always been solitary but forced into social interaction. I can fake it when I have to. Like last weeks purgatory on a wedding cruise with 2500 other tourists to Cozumel and Progresso. Most people find me interactive enough to like me but given the choice I would probably be on a small farm in the mountains of some state that doesn't tax my pension living a subsistence life with a dog, a stack of books, a camera, a guitar, a wreck the creation vehicle and some peace of mind. My life experiences probably have galvanized the way my DNA made me in the first place. I find myself to be very lonely amongst throngs of chattering people. Though, I wouldn't mind Winter company now and again. You would think I might have considered this before I married a social butterfly. Opposites attract.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    I am also the type of person who generally enjoys solitude. I can be alone long periods of time and really have fun -- even feel refreshed. But this is partly contextual. I love fishing alone, taking a bike ride alone, I obviously like to hide away and read books.

    But what really, really hit home for me was when I got the flu about a month or so ago. I was really sick as a dog. And I simply had no one to count on.

    No spouse. No friends. No family really. Sure, my sis was nearby but if I had a spiked fever and went into a delirium then I'd have been out of luck.

    I had no one to check on me or watch over me. Granted, I am 37, so I bounced back. But imagine if I was 77. I could have been found dead weeks later and my poor dog would have died of thirst.

    But throw on top of this the idea that when I am not doing the things I like to do in solitude (fishing, reading, etc.) I'd like to have some friends or a significant other. It'd be nice to go on walks or cook dinner with a significant other. It'd be nice to go on a long canoe trip with some good friends. It'd be nice to have cook outs and such with a circle of friends.

    But I have nothing like that.

    My atheist crew is all acquaintances. I can't count on them for things like taking me to or picking me up from the airport or for helping me move. Don't get me wrong, they are great folks. But the friendship bonds are simply not there.
    ďI came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  6. #16
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    Sounds like your forays into online dating are a good idea! There are definitely benefits of facing life with a long-term partner, especially if you suffer from loneliness.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tybee View Post
    Sounds like your forays into online dating are a good idea! There are definitely benefits of facing life with a long-term partner, especially if you suffer from loneliness.
    To be honest with you, I sometimes wonder if online dating actually makes me feel more lonesome. I can't really say why. It is like eating spongecake. You might enjoy it and momentarily feel energized and full by it. But it does not actually nourish you emotionally.
    ďI came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler View Post
    To be honest with you, I sometimes wonder if online dating actually makes me feel more lonesome. I can't really say why. It is like eating spongecake. You might enjoy it and momentarily feel energized and full by it. But it does not actually nourish you emotionally.
    I think that is because we all need "irl" relationships. Hopefully, some of the online friends might become "irl" friends.

  9. #19
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    You'd think they'd become "irl" but it ain't as easy as you think.
    ďI came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  10. #20
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    NSFW:


    I certainly understand where Williamsmith is coming from. I see that often in LEO friends. We visit and are cordial when around my work, or if we run into one another outside of it, but generally, we all just go our own ways. Then again, I have had a few UC LEO friends, and years ago, when I was a kid, I was told by one, if you see me out, don't acknowledge me, unless I acknowledge you first.
    The closest I would probably have, outside of work are two relatives who are within 5 years of retirement. They both are looking forward to what we did in our 20's (spending time computer gaming), but they don't really have hobbies outside of that. I will be working, probably until I die. I know of several "friends", that while we rarely "hang out", we do get together when someone needs a hand and do stuff. Several of them are still working, past their 70's, because they enjoy it.
    Years ago, I had a radiator fixed, by a guy on his last day, and he was finally retiring at 90. Another friend, who was "forced to retire" at 65, due to cancer, beat his cancer and asked me to bring him something, and when I did, I rang the bell, his wife answered, and I said "can Tommy come out and play?".
    I seem to get along better with older people then with those my own age, who want to drink, get stoned, play on the computer all day, etc. I don't really share interests with those of my generation and there are some things I enjoy, that others don't want to do, because it is work (shooting for instance, a lot of cops don't want to spend a day off at the range).
    But generally I think Chris Rock has it right. In some other act (couldn't find it), a comedian says if your single, you want to kill yourself. If your married, you want to kill them.

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