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Thread: Offer on BIL's house!

  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    We are thinking of pig tailing, which will cost $3000, but if we only replace the panel and outlets we'll spend $1600. I think we're going to leave it up to the new buyers to pigtail if they want to. DH called the township and there are no code violations associated with having aluminum wiring.

    On other note, I hardly ever vent about DH, but he just pushed my buttons again.. He was talking about how if we reduce the price $5k, "that's a lot of money," leading me to believe that his "penny-wise, pound-foolish" mentality may continue to work against us. So I told him that it costs us $2500/month to carry the house, and he said, "no, it's $950." And I said, "but I am paying $1500 in debt payments that will be wiped away as soon as we sell the house."

    And he could NOT understand that as a family, we suffer if we string out the house sale to the tune of almost $3000 a month, which wipes out his $5k in less than 2 months. He truly did not understand. He kept saying, "the house is separate from the debt" and I kept saying, "How can you say that when we are IN debt because of the house, and we can get OUT of the debt because of the house?"

    But he still doesn't get it. Argghhh....is it because I don't make him go through the budget and pay bills with me every month, that he's so up there in LaLa Land, out of touch with our financial reality??

    I can't WAIT till this albatross is off our neck!
    Maybe make him watch one of those flipper shows where they show the amounts up on the screen and the flipper is racing to get stuff done so that don't have to make more mortgage payments--every month that goes by and you are carrying that house--that is where their business succeeds or fails. That carrying cost is very, very real, and can sink you if you don't get on top of it. I think that is why Dave Ramsey is always telling everyone to sell their rental property to get out of debt. . .

    I am sorry this deal fell through, it must be so frustrating.

  2. #42
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    In late-breaking news, it seems that my son and DIL are seriously interested in buying the house!

    On Easter, they were over, and DIL had never been inside, so I said, "you better go in and take a look because this will be your last chance." She stepped in and said, "Oh, wow, I didn't know it was going to be this nice!"

    Fast forward two weeks.. she brings GS to the park that's adjacent to our house, and he says "I like this park!!" and we go looking for fish, ducks and turtles in the creek. Grandson #2 was due to arrive yesterday, but will probably be born this week or next.

    Then the day before yesterday I get a text message that they are seriously interested in buying. They are renting a really nice home now, and their lease is up June 15th.

    My mind is spinning..
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  3. #43
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Will they qualify for a mortgage?

    DO NOT get all squirrelly and deviate from your expected price range to give them a gift. Do NOT. I mean it.

    And I suppose this would change your plan to sell your current house with its ridiculous, out of control New Jersey taxes. Getting out from under that would be a very good move. Did you say your taxes are about $12,000 annually?

  4. #44
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    As a grandmother, for me, this would be the most like winning the lottery! We are trying to move to New England to be closer to our grandchildren. I so get why this would be wonderful!
    On a side note, the house across the street from us sold, and then they got her parents to buy the house next to us! It is so nice for all of them--she said, "I want to be an involved grandmother" and they all seem really happy. It is seriously cool.

  5. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    Will they qualify for a mortgage?

    DO NOT get all squirrelly and deviate from your expected price range to give them a gift. Do NOT. I mean it.

    And I suppose this would change your plan to sell your current house with its ridiculous, out of control New Jersey taxes. Getting out from under that would be a very good move. Did you say your taxes are about $12,000 annually?
    I whole heartedly agree with IL- do not let them mess up your plans for economic freedom. Sadly many children will and do take advantage. You've had the BIL- don't need more of that .

  6. #46
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    I know--to both IL and Tybee's points, that's why my head is spinning!

    While my son is adamant that this is a win-win for both of us, there will be some financial implications. To your point, IL, it will probably keep us tied to our house in NJ for a few years. And I appreciate your chiding me to not "get all squirrelly"--LOL.

    But it is a dream to be able to be such a involved grandparent, to your point, Tybee.

    He will be able to get a mortgage, and I would plan on charging him fair market value. The other big BUT is, we may co-own for a couple of years, with the expectation that he would buy us out at that point.

    I certainly can't afford to gift him a house or a down payment for a house or anything like that, if for no other reason what I would do for one I'd have to do for the others, and that clearly is out of the question. So it's really a question of, do we want to gift him a couple of years to buy the house outright? He would buy out BIL and give us a good chunk. It defers my own goals and aspirations for a short time, but would it be worth it to have my family right next door!

    nwsef, I hear you, but my kids have been a strong support, and they never ask me for anything. They haven't shown themselves to be "takers" so far.

    Head still spinning..
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  7. #47
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    When my kids were little we bought the house next door to my parents and it was awesome. My Dad had a big stroke young (59) and I was able to help my Mom and in return she would watch the boys. AFter school the kids would go right to her house for snacks and fun even if I was home. My husband also loved it as we could spend time together and when he wanted to go home he did. I have a lot of good memories of those 14 years as do my sons.

  8. #48
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Your son can get a mortgage? Then--cool! Go for it, your son is right that IS a win -win--you unload the house, you get money to retire your debt, you have son and family next door. If that means that you stay put in your exisitng house for a while, well, ok.

    I cant understand what you mean about co-owning. You cannot mean that about the MIL house. If you mean that, catherine, sweetie--I despair for you.

    ps I spent ages 5 to 18 with my grandparents either in the back yard or across the alley. That is all fine.

  9. #49
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    Your son can get a mortgage? Then--cool! Go for it, your son is right that IS a win -win--you unload the house, you get money to retire your debt, you have son and family next door. If that means that you stay put in your exisitng house for a while, well, ok.

    I cant understand what you mean about co-owning. You cannot mean that about the MIL house. If you mean that, catherine, sweetie--I despair for you.

    ps I spent ages 5 to 18 with my grandparents either in the back yard or across the alley. That is all fine.
    Don't despair yet! I'm in a low emotional point at the moment, with more subterranean anger than I usually feel, most likely because in the past 4 months I've executed, by myself, $100k worth of business. I'm Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. (Emphasis on the Tired). So I'm hoping to make the anger work for me, and enable me to put my needs first, with no guilt. I am doing serious reflection on this situation. "Co-owning" would not be the give-away that BIL had--my son would pay all the bills/taxes/maintenance etc. and give us a chunk of money, and then completely buy us out in a set period of time--I imagine 3-5 years. He just got a very good job working as an attorney in renewable energy for the State, and he's becoming a regional expert. We expect he has a good career ahead of him.


    ETA: I know it seems bizarre that I'm even thinking of this, but I wouldn't be living in the house I've lived in happily for 31 years if my MIL, (who was a clerk in Macy's from the time she was prematurely widowed) hadn't gifted us $70k of her mother's inheritance TO HER for us to buy this house. When we had rough times, she was ALWAYS there to back us up. Maybe that was enabling, but she did it, and I will be forever grateful. She had a small pension, and she lived frugally and sensibly and met all her needs on her SS and pension. When she died she had about $200k in the bank. She practiced "financial flow" among family members, and I don't think that's a bad thing. It's bad when it's only one way, but I don't think it was in this case, which was one reason we took on the financial risk to move her down here. Yes it bit us in the butt, but if the recession hadn't happened, we'd all be a lot richer. Who knew?
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  10. #50
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    Don't despair yet! I'm in a low emotional point at the moment, with more subterranean anger than I usually feel, most likely because in the past 4 months I've executed, by myself, $100k worth of business. I'm Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. (Emphasis on the Tired). So I'm hoping to make the anger work for me, and enable me to put my needs first, with no guilt. I am doing serious reflection on this situation. "Co-owning" would not be the give-away that BIL had--my son would pay all the bills/taxes/maintenance etc. and give us a chunk of money, and then completely buy us out in a set period of time--I imagine 3-5 years. He just got a very good job working as an attorney in renewable energy for the State, and he's becoming a regional expert. We expect he has a good career ahead of him.
    Then, he cannot get a mortgage now apparently. (?) He is making the co-owning proposal you outlined and calling it "win-win?"
    Oy vey.


    We all can play a game of "what can go wrong" with the scenario you lay out. I'll start:

    1) son looses job, cant pay catherine, financial woes ensue

    2) real estate market tanks, catherine has hard time holding son to buy-out agreed upon price because son would be upside down, she caves, more financial woes ensue

    3) DIL dumps son to go with a new squeeze, wants her share of house money, financial woes ensue

    Those are the scenarios that leap to my mind immediately, other people can come up with alternates.

    I need razz here for backup!

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