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Thread: Offer on BIL's house!

  1. #51
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    I agree with IL. He either qualifies for the mortgage, buys BOTH parties out of the house, or doesn't get the house (as he would be buying more then he could financially handle, aka taking example from parents). If he gets the house the other way, then your stuck in the same situation, with your b-i-l probably wanting to stay bouncing between you two.
    If you let him buy your b-i-l out, then how would you even go about it? Just transfer your b-i-l's name to his, or provide him with a deed, which gives him control of the house, with an unsecured debt to you? (BAD IDEA, BAD IDEA, BAD IDEA, BAD IDEA)
    You need to think with your head on this, and realize being so close to family, which owes you a lot of money and your in debt on, will just eventually turn your stomach to deal with them.

  2. #52
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    If

    Then, he cannot get a mortgage now apparently. (?)
    He could get a $200k mortgage on his own. He would pay it to the bank, like any mortgage.

    But I appreciate your "worst case scenarios." I'll definitely keep them in mind. My head knows you are right. Bad thing is, my heart usually wins.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  3. #53
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    He could get a $200k mortgage on his own. He would pay it to the bank, like any mortgage.

    But I appreciate your "worst case scenarios." I'll definitely keep them in mind. My head knows you are right. Bad thing is, my heart usually wins.
    catherine, your son cannot afford this house. I am sorry he cannot complete your dream.

  4. #54
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    catherine, your son cannot afford this house. I am sorry he cannot complete your dream.
    I have a lot of dreams, so if this one falls through, I'm sure another will take its place. .

    Thanks for the sage advice
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  5. #55
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    I have a lot of dreams, so if this one falls through, I'm sure another will take its place. .

    Thanks for the sage advice
    Dude! i KNOW you have lots of dreams! It will all be ok.

    Dream that you are out of debt, have a few hundred Thousand $k for old age, and are STILL crankin' out $100,000 of quarterly business! Then you can give son and DIL money to move next to you. It can be done, just in the right order of events.

    Ok, I will stop for a bit, gotta go weed while the sun is out.

  6. #56
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    I completely forgot that BIL owns half the house. That complicates things for sure, since he needs a place to live and probably needs that income to live off of in retirement.

    This is really complicated, with more than one owner of the house, as there are then 3 parties to the deal. Hhm. Not sure what to think, now that I remembered that part of the equation.

    My family tends to work like you describe, with each generation helping out the one that follows, like your MIL did for you guys. And it definitely goes both ways. I am very comfortable with that dynamic, and I did give my kids downpayments for their houses, and for me, it was an investment in my grandchildren's futures. Makes me very happy, and feels right.

    But I so forgot that BIL owns half the house.

    Maybe your anger is there to guide you in reaching a good decision?

  7. #57
    Senior Member jp1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    If

    Then, he cannot get a mortgage now apparently. (?) He is making the co-owning proposal you outlined and calling it "win-win?"
    Oy vey.


    We all can play a game of "what can go wrong" with the scenario you lay out. I'll start:

    1) son looses job, cant pay catherine, financial woes ensue

    2) real estate market tanks, catherine has hard time holding son to buy-out agreed upon price because son would be upside down, she caves, more financial woes ensue

    3) DIL dumps son to go with a new squeeze, wants her share of house money, financial woes ensue

    Those are the scenarios that leap to my mind immediately, other people can come up with alternates.

    I need razz here for backup!
    IL, I'm with you. I had to run without responding earlier because I needed to,get to the office for s conference call that got cancelled.

    Catherine, The co-owning strikes me as a huge red flag, for all the scenarios IL pointed out. If you really want your son there I'd recommend becoming his formal landlord with a formal lease agreement for market priced rent. And then re-evaluate in 2-3 years. the downside s are obvious. You take the risk of a tanking real estate market. You take the risk of having to be the one to evict your son if he gets behind on rent. Or you take the risk of him becoming BiL v 2.0 if he loses his job. (While one would hope that a renewable energy attorney has a solid future, one would also hope that one didn't have an idiot president that thinks dinosaurs are a better energy future than sunshine. But that's where we are.)

  8. #58
    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iris lilies View Post
    If

    Then, he cannot get a mortgage now apparently. (?) He is making the co-owning proposal you outlined and calling it "win-win?"
    Oy vey.


    We all can play a game of "what can go wrong" with the scenario you lay out. I'll start:

    1) son looses job, cant pay catherine, financial woes ensue

    2) real estate market tanks, catherine has hard time holding son to buy-out agreed upon price because son would be upside down, she caves, more financial woes ensue

    3) DIL dumps son to go with a new squeeze, wants her share of house money, financial woes ensue

    Those are the scenarios that leap to my mind immediately, other people can come up with alternates.

    I need razz here for backup!
    OK, IL
    Catherine, you haven't told us about DBIL as yet. Is he part of your responsibility still? A continuing liability? Or is that one expense that will disappear from your life?
    Can you make the sale terms in writing as part of the purchase that will address IL's concerns? If it is to belong to both DS and DIL, they will both be held accountable for following through. Will you share the terms with the other kids so that they can help hold their siblings accountable, the house price fair and avoid hard feelings later on?
    By selling them the house, are you giving up the idea of moving to a cheaper place of your dreams?
    If they buy and you stay and he gets transferred elsewhere for a better job, what will the long-term impact be on you?
    (FWIW, I deliberately chose my future after my DH passed away and gave my children the freedom to go wherever they wanted knowing that we were all free to do so and it was very wise in retrospect. DD2 and her DH did move.)

    It is time to protect yourself, Catherine and you have the smarts to do so. I have this niggling sense that DS and DIL were feeling pressure (not from you) to consider making the purchase -why? If this is true, it is the wrong motive for them.
    Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony .

  9. #59
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    Catherine, sadly it appears that you can not afford to help your son. I agree with IL that you need to sell both homes. I totally forgot about your property taxes being 12k/year. Ugh! I know you are around my age (62) and realistically how much longer can you work f.t? Yes it could be 10 more years but honestly it may not. Do you want to keep working until your health fails and then you never had any time to do the other things in life? Also if your work is stressful this definitely takes a negative toll on your health. When I semi-retired at 58 my health got much better. At this time in your life you need to put yourself first. If you don;t youwill be a burden to your kids and I don't think anyone wants that. When I read the Mr MM forum many boomer parents are a burden to their children. Hugs)

  10. #60
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    So.. in answer to some questions..

    BIL would be paid in full and give up rights to the house. In my mind, what he should do is find a cheap condo in FL and find a golf course to work at. He could buy a condo outright, from the prices I've checked out, and still have money left over to pay off debt and buy a cheap car in cash. So he's out of the picture at that point (unless we have to evict him from our house

    Our taxes aren't 12k, but they're not great: 8k.

    I would DEFINITELY put everything in writing. I may be dumb, but I'm not THAT dumb.

    Yes, I would have to put dreams of a cheaper, nicer place on the back burner. That is a big drawback.

    The biggest drawback is not being able to shed these handcuffs of debt--being shackled for another 3-5 years.

    I don't think DS felt pressure to buy at all. I truly think that they were smitten with the same dream I have of being next door, and, yes, this would be the most affordable entree into home ownership, if they can co-own and move toward total ownership.

    There are many pros and cons, I heartily admit. None the least of which.. what if they buy here and they don't like it? Then I'd feel almost responsible for their happiness.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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