Living deliberately

[Yppej]

No free food other than my trips to the candy jar. I am getting some exercise gardening, which also balances out sitting at a desk. Decluttering is admirable, and something I should get back to doing.

[Chicken lady]

Good job on the good decisions!

in my case I think "decluttering" might be a mild term for what needs to be done.

i am currently fighting "it's never enough" syndrome. Where the things I need to do pile up to the point at which I lose any hope that they can all be done and then I freeze and fall into dispair.

i can't even come up with a good triage system because I have so many conflicting priorities. But I need to do something. Maybe if I get a blank calendar and write out the deadlines I can work it backwards and manage it better. But things keep adding on. And I get so tired.

Sleeping. Good nutrition. Saying no. Trying not to make the things I cut all the things that feed my soul in order to please others... That is the hardest.

in my natural state, I would first eliminate meals. Eating would become regular snacks of fresh fruit, raw vegetables, cheese, nuts and bread. This would eliminate cooking and most dishes, freeing up a couple of hours every day. To the people I live with, meals seem to be the most important thing I do. I think this week I need them each to cook or get take out one night and I will get take out one night. That is not unreasonable, right? I asked dd to cook once last week.

i need to plan today. And then the week. And then through June 9.

and I slept late, so first, I really need to do my chores.

[nswef]

The plan to ask those who want meals to make meals is very reasonable. Change is hard and they will balk and try to make you feel guilty. Try to stay strong on this one issue and eventually it may become a non issue. Good luck. You are hard on yourself. Good luck.

[Tammy]

I stopped being the default person for cleaning cooking and shopping when I started working full time. When I was home with the kids it was my job - it only made sense. But when the kids were in high school and I was working overtime and my husband was 30 hours a week --- well I just stopped. I only did those things if I wanted to. It was an adjustment and no one ever did it the way I would like it done -- but that's ok.

[Yppej]

I read once how new mothers working outside the home triage. First to go is the housework. If not enough pressure is released as a result next to go is the maintenance for or even the entire significant other. This is why divorce rates are high in this group. She never lets go of the kids though. Of course if the children are adults priorities will be different, but yeah, the cooking can go by the wayside.

[catherine]

I read once how new mothers working outside the home triage. First to go is the housework. If not enough pressure is released as a result next to go is the maintenance for or even the entire significant other. This is why divorce rates are high in this group. She never lets go of the kids though. Of course if the children are adults priorities will be different, but yeah, the cooking can go by the wayside.

True. I was a working mother of 4 and believe me, I panicked when people dropped by unannounced. And our marriage suddenly became nearly 100% joint effort in child rearing, with little attention on our own relationship. We took one long weekend away from the kids for our 10th anniversary, but that was it. We were utterly devoted to the kids. When I started traveling, it just so happened that DH was working from home, which was great--he became a Mr. Mom of sorts. The downside of that was he had a huge existential crisis when my youngest went to college. So did our marriage.

[Chicken lady]

I didn't plan my day, I struggled through it. I think the list might be a little shorter, but things got added as well as done, and I am tired. I do feel good about most of my decisions today even though they were made in the moment.

i only work two days a week (plus planning and preparation). I am also chief farm person, housekeeper, and errand girl. Dh works 40-60 hours a week. He is also chief construction worker. He would eliminate work by eliminating goats. I would rather clean stalls or do laundry or go pick up his racquetball racket (all of which I do) than cook. I don't enjoy cooking, I'm not very good at it, and I'm just as happy with "ingredients". I also don't get as hungry as he does and snack more. Sometimes when he eats out, I just skip the meal completely.

[Yppej]

No stops at the candy jar today though I walk by it often. I have gotten tired of candy. However my mother sent some cotton candy ice cream home with my son and that will be hard to resist. Brought my lunch featuring garlic roasted asparagus rather than ordering pizza with my office mates. (Not everyone orders every week, so this is not a snub.)

[Chicken lady]

Sounds good Yppej!

i just finished a very full two weeks wrapping up the school year. Parties all day today and my trash can got filled twice - I made the decision just to go with easy options and enjoy the parties with the kids.

my house is a wreck and I have 9 people and 2 dogs arriving at various times tomorrow and staying for lunch/dinner/both besides the three currently living here. 4 of the new arrivals and the dogs will be staying overnight.

then on Sunday my son's future mil and her significant other will be coming over for the afternoon.

i am going to relax, do what I can, not apologize for the mess, feed the people, not apologize for the food, and enjoy the weekend. My son is coming home. I have missed him. All the people tomorrow are people I love. Everything else is noise.

[Yppej]

You have the right approach CL.