Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 19

Thread: Dating Someone with Type 1 Diabetes

  1. #1
    Senior Member SiouzQ.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Southeastern Lower Michigan
    Posts
    1,072

    Dating Someone with Type 1 Diabetes

    Hiya folks! I know it's been a very long time since I have checked in and I keep meaning to write some sort of witty update about my first 7 months in New Mexico, but frankly, I am having too much fun just living my life!

    Big news, I have been in a relationship for around two months now and it is going well! I had just about given up on ever finding someone I was attracted to and compatible with but we started dating in January and have been having a lot of fun getting to know each other and doing things together.

    But the big thing for me is that he's been a Type 1 Diabetic since he was 31 (he is now 58). What a challenging disease! I realize that I have never really known anything about it, but I am fast being educated. The constant finger pricking and glucose testing and the emergency bottles of soda and snacks when the blood sugar plummets...and getting it wrong can be deadly for him. Last week we tried to go on a hike but he was having a hard time keeping his blood sugar up so we couldn't go all the way down the trail (who wants to be THAT guy that has to be air-lifted to a hospital because you drop into a diabetic coma or something). Today we went to the hot springs about an hour away from home and again he was having trouble maintaining decent glucose levels.

    I am trying to learn a bunch about it to help him - I think he could do a lot better on his diet (he is not overweight at all but he needs to have more home-cooked meals and better snacks instead of the emergency crap he ends up grabbing from gas stations and convenience stores). And that is one thing I am good at, is cooking and eating healthy. I enjoy helping others to eat better too, so as soon as my kitchen gets finished in a week or two, I can REALLY start cooking the way I used to back in Michigan.

    But this a big challenge for me - partnering up with someone who has significant health issues. There is a small part of me that wonders if I am really ready to be with someone long term with major health concerns like that (the old me). Then I realize he is the person I think I have been waiting for my whole life and that I CAN accept every part of him, even if some of it is kind of scary. I think as I learn more about the disease and how it is managed it will feel less overwhelming.

    Do any of you have spouses or partners that are diabetic? What advice can you give me?

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Phoenix
    Posts
    1,411
    My husband has type 2. For about 7-8 years now. I've learned that his food choices are his to make, not mine. I can buy all the right things at the grocery store but he decides whether or not follow a diabetic diet. It's a tough lesson ... I'm still learning it.

  3. #3
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Central Jersey
    Posts
    6,742
    Quote Originally Posted by SiouzQ. View Post
    Then I realize he is the person I think I have been waiting for my whole life and that I CAN accept every part of him, even if some of it is kind of scary.
    If he is someone you've been waiting for your whole life, you will learn to be his partner "in sickness and in health." Health issues are challenging and I'm not going to minimize their impact on a relationship, but it's part of the package. If it's not going to be diabetes in a relationship it will be something else you need to accept in the process of accepting "all of him."

    It will be wonderful for him and for you to share healthy meals. Know that while you can support his good health, you can't change or control him.

    So happy to hear from you, SiouzQ and it sounds like you've hit your stride in New Mexico! When you have some time, fill us in on all the other details! How long has it been now?
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
    www.silententry.wordpress.com

  4. #4
    Senior Member SiouzQ.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Southeastern Lower Michigan
    Posts
    1,072
    I woke up too early this morning and was thinking about this very thing, the fact that I cannot "make" someone change or control their choices. I have a long history of trying to do just that and it didn't serve me well. I think I have stayed out of relationships for a such a long time for good reasons so I could get comfortable with myself and my wants and needs.

    I think I am just starting the phase of assessing what is great about being with this person and enjoying those parts and also finding out there are things that I don't like so much - here's one that I really don't like - I HATE the way he drives! He speeds, he tailgates and doesn't pay attention and has nearly gotten us killed on TWO occasions! Not cool! I even told him yesterday the next time we are going someplace I am driving! I hate being a front seat driver but I cannot help it when I realize he is about to do something stupid. He even got pulled over yesterday for speeding by a state trooper and only by shear luck was he let go because it was taking him too long to find his registration amidst the pile of crap in his glove box!

    The other thing that drives me a bit crazy is his spendthrift ways. He whips out his credit/debit card for EVERYTHING, a LOT. He has a decent job and all, and it is his choice obviously, but I know for a fact that I would NEVER combine money with him if this relationship ever got to that point. I have pretty much decided in my advancing age I would always keep my money separate with any one I happened to end up with anyway. So the philosophy regarding saving and spending is very different between us and I guess that's okay. He always wants to pay for me but I sometimes insist that I pay my own way (like yesterday at the hot springs) because I don't want to depend on someone else's money. I have a need to retain a lot of my carefully cultivated independence!

    Aside from a few annoying things, he really is a great guy, super-sweet and respectful, and also a metal artist! We see the world in very similar terms and have great conversations

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Phoenix
    Posts
    1,411
    He sounds like a good boyfriend - a long as you drive. Ha!

    Seriously though, if I were you I'd never marry or move in with him. Dating is fine but with these obvious bothersome differences this early in the game, I'd be happier living in my own space and seeing him when we do things together.

    If his glove compartment is that full - what's his home like?

    But then I've stopped believing in marriage. My own of 36 years is good, but I wouldn't do it again if I were widowed. I've grown up since age 19 and I like my independence too much.

  6. #6
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    7,899
    My SO is diabetic, type 2, but it doesn't have much of an impact on his life--except for that pesky dialysis.

    I would strongly recommend he buy Dr. Richard K Bernstein's Diabetes Solution. Dr. Bernstein is an 80+ year old Physician who has been living with type 1 for years--and thriving. Following Dr. Bernstein's plan will make life so much better for him--and it's one rarely followed in this age of manufactured food.

    So good that you've met a like-minded soul in New Mexico. I have a feeling making that leap will turn out to be the best thing you ever did for yourself!

    (I think you're right to offer to drive and also to keep your finances separate.)
    Last edited by JaneV2.0; 3-27-17 at 11:38am.

  7. #7
    Moderator Float On's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    By a lake in MO
    Posts
    3,939
    There are huge differences between Type 1 and Type 2. Does he have the pump or is he doing his own doses? The pump has brought a huge amount of freedom to several type 1's that I know. He sounds like a nice guy and maybe your money skills could rub off on him over time.

    I am headed your way in early April. Have to get my yearly fix of NM. My son wants to go back and visit his friends at St John's in Santa Fe so I'm bringing him along. If you see a short blonde with a tall long-haired early 20's kid....that's me! We'll come through your town on the 6th.
    Float On: My "Happy Place" is on my little kayak in the coves of Table Rock Lake.

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Nevada
    Posts
    3,038
    Yes there is a big difference between the types. My DH has type 2 and takes a pill and watches his diet. When we met in our 40's neither of us had any health issues. now we both have some. I think it is inevitable with aging. If he died I would not marry again but would definitely want to be in a relationship with someone. Sounds great as long as you drive

  9. #9
    Senior Member Selah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Las Vegas, Nevada, U.S.A.
    Posts
    1,034
    I'd boyfriend-zone that guy, and insist on driving. He sounds lovely in other respects, but driving carelessly, aggressively and dangerously indicates at best poor impulse control, and at worst, a real lack of respect for the safety of others and the comfort of you, his passenger. If he's up to his eyeballs in debt (he may or may not be--but you did say he was a spendthrift), that also indicates a weakened ability to resist temptation, failure to plan, etc. BIG red flags for me in terms of potential husband material, but if he's a boyfriend and you're both single and independent, then enjoy the great things about him and ignore the rest--except the driving. YOU drive. Yikes!

  10. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    654
    My SIL is type 1. She is late 40's and has a full active life including lots of hiking. Some type of monitor is strapped to her and beeps when she needs a snack, and she shoots up before meals. The biggest drawback is pregnancy would have been complicated so she never had children though she would have liked to.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •