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Thread: liking the wrong guy?

  1. #21
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    I am way past 30 and some of the bad boys still appeal to me. Because of their own shortcomings they are nonjudgmental, because of their records their employment options are limited so to compensate they have developed strong people skills and are warm and engaging, and because they have spent time in some rough places including jail they are flexible and don't sweat the small stuff. They are grateful for little things like a car ride somewhere because their assets are limited. But no they will not change - without professional help cannot change in most cases - and someone without their baggage who has or can develop the same personality traits would be ideal, but those baggage-free types are usually married by middle age.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yppej View Post
    I am way past 30 and some of the bad boys still appeal to me. Because of their own shortcomings they are nonjudgmental, because of their records their employment options are limited so to compensate they have developed strong people skills and are warm and engaging, and because they have spent time in some rough places including jail they are flexible and don't sweat the small stuff. They are grateful for little things like a car ride somewhere because their assets are limited. But no they will not change - without professional help cannot change in most cases - and someone without their baggage who has or can develop the same personality traits would be ideal, but those baggage-free types are usually married by middle age.
    I appreciate you making such an honest statement about your feelings and thoughts on this.
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  3. #23
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    I don't think it is all knight(ress) in shining armor syndrome. I had a couple that lived across the street, that the guy went through high school with an older relative. During that time the gal who lived with him (at the time) had broke up, dating and getting pregnant by another guy, who she thought was a bad type. She found out that he was more afraid of her boyfriend, who was his supplier and the bad type she was attracted to, but he kept his deeds hidden from her. From the discussion's I have had with them (he is a neighbor again, after serving), she seemed more after the bad boy type, due to wanting "adventure".

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yppej View Post
    I am way past 30 and some of the bad boys still appeal to me. Because of their own shortcomings they are nonjudgmental, because of their records their employment options are limited so to compensate they have developed strong people skills and are warm and engaging, and because they have spent time in some rough places including jail they are flexible and don't sweat the small stuff. They are grateful for little things like a car ride somewhere because their assets are limited. But no they will not change - without professional help cannot change in most cases - and someone without their baggage who has or can develop the same personality traits would be ideal, but those baggage-free types are usually married by middle age.
    Good points. I know that over the years he has been really nice, and his discussion in our group is always really on topic and thoughtful (deep thoughts are my turn on). He has a counselor and a sponsor. I was sharing with a friend that that I can't relate sometimes to the larger western buddhist community. I am not sure how to explain it, I am just comfortable in a room where everyone is on parole or in recovery. I am not always comfortable in another place, even though we talk about the same things. I also have been on a few dates through the MeetMindful dating site. It is good, it is rough when we talk about our kids and mine are not in college or sports or even meditating! We have rehab and counseling and SO's that have dealt drugs in our family and I use my Buddhist practice to work with that instead of the perfect ayurvedic allergy diet.

    We will see, it is only coffee but I usually chicken out.

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