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Thread: Hoarding-sensitive people please weigh in

  1. #11
    Senior Member Kestra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tybee View Post
    I am not quite following--why would someone throw out clothes and new box of cookies and brand new wrapping paper? That does not make sense to me. Did you ask him why he did this?
    Yes, this. Very odd behaviour.

    And I don't think you are overreacting. I'd be pissed off given the type of things that were thrown away.

  2. #12
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Does he do stuff like this often? Because I would immediately think "dementia" or something--it's such an odd/inconsiderate thing to do. Is he taking any (prescribed) drugs that could cause him to behave irrationally?

  3. #13
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    It would bother me quite a bit if DH did that without asking. Easy enough for him to put all that stuff in a box and bring it in the house to look through before tossing. But that's me.

  4. #14
    Senior Member KayLR's Avatar
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    Holy hell, if my DH threw away a pair of my boots he'd know that he deserves whatever's coming at him!
    My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already!

  5. #15
    Senior Member rosarugosa's Avatar
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    I cannot imagine my DH doing this, but if he did, I would be really angry.

  6. #16
    Senior Member herbgeek's Avatar
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    I would be pissed. Anything dirty/damaged is fair game I suppose, though I would still appreciate my spouse leaving it up to me to discard- but throwing out brand new stuff is just really weird.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Ultralight's Avatar
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    My honest opinion is that you ought to let this go. Was there any real damage?
    I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand." -- Rodney Dangerfield

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    So, I've been really crazy busy this month with no end in sight. I have in-home interviews that are putting some stress on my car. So I told DH that i need to get my car looked at to make sure the oil/filters/tires/etc are all good to go.

    He jumps up and is happy to help because he "sits with his thumb up his a$$" every day (his words, not mine).

    He's gone for a while and when he comes home he proudly proclaims that not only did he get my car serviced, but he had it cleaned. Not only did he have it cleaned but he gave away a box of Girl Scout cookies I bought on Sunday, a floppy sunhat, and my dress boots that were in the back seat, a full roll of wrapping paper I just bought for GS's birthday.. and who knows what else. It makes me wonder what else he threw out, because frankly, yes, my car was a bit cluttered, but he probably threw out toll receipts, gas receipts, and who knows what else. I freaked out because I have interview materials from the UK that I had in the car and he DIDN'T throw THOSE away, but overall, it was disconcerting. I felt he didn't respect me enough to simply call or text and say, "Hey, I'm cleaning out your car--do you want those boots? That hat? That wrapping paper?"

    Am I overreacting? If I'm freaking out about him giving/throwing away my stuff without asking is that a red flag for hoarding?

    Believe me, it's not ruining my day. My car needed to be cleaned. But just the idea that the took it upon himself to decide what I needed and what I didn't was upsetting to me.

    So, do I give him a kiss for cleaning up my car or a punch in the jaw for throwing out my stuff?
    Reminds me of a coworker who said he cleaned out his wife's purse because it was messy. I told him if he was my husband he would be dead. The gaul!

  9. #19
    Senior Member jp1's Avatar
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    I'm torn on this one. I'm very much a 'place for every thing and every thing in it's place' kind of guy. And SO is very much a 'any flat surface is a good spot to set this down' kind of guy. So I have developed workarounds to keep myself sane. Things like having a 'mail drawer' for SO's mail. No matter what flat surface he sets it on I move it to his mail drawer. He knows this and now knows to look there if he can't find something. But here's the complicated bit. If it looks like random pointess marketing mail I shred it and compost it. Otherwise the mail drawer gets too full and he complains. Deciding what to toss and what to keep is not always black and white. My knowing SO for 15 years helps but isn't perfect. I can only assume that Catherine's DH had the best of intentions. And probably even made mostly the right decisions. So unless he truly messed up I'd probably give him a pass. And maybe even thank him for his efforts.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    I told DH that i need to get my car looked at to make sure the oil/filters/tires/etc are all good to go.

    So, do I give him a kiss for cleaning up my car or a punch in the jaw for throwing out my stuff?
    My discussion would have been: I was very specific on what I needed and you offered to do it and you did do it, for which I am grateful. I am not however, happy about you tossing out items in my car. Why would you do that? Now I need to spend $100 replacing everything instead of using that $100 to reduce our debt.

    Let him answer. Thank him for his answer. Then let it go. Can't undo it.

    I learned long long ago.....if I am unhappy with something DH did, am I going to divorce him over it? If the answer is no, I ask to talk about it but I don't get angry/grudge about it. Humor keeps us married without a doubt!

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