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Thread: Hoarding-sensitive people please weigh in

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    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Hoarding-sensitive people please weigh in

    So, I've been really crazy busy this month with no end in sight. I have in-home interviews that are putting some stress on my car. So I told DH that i need to get my car looked at to make sure the oil/filters/tires/etc are all good to go.

    He jumps up and is happy to help because he "sits with his thumb up his a$$" every day (his words, not mine).

    He's gone for a while and when he comes home he proudly proclaims that not only did he get my car serviced, but he had it cleaned. Not only did he have it cleaned but he gave away a box of Girl Scout cookies I bought on Sunday, a floppy sunhat, and my dress boots that were in the back seat, a full roll of wrapping paper I just bought for GS's birthday.. and who knows what else. It makes me wonder what else he threw out, because frankly, yes, my car was a bit cluttered, but he probably threw out toll receipts, gas receipts, and who knows what else. I freaked out because I have interview materials from the UK that I had in the car and he DIDN'T throw THOSE away, but overall, it was disconcerting. I felt he didn't respect me enough to simply call or text and say, "Hey, I'm cleaning out your car--do you want those boots? That hat? That wrapping paper?"

    Am I overreacting? If I'm freaking out about him giving/throwing away my stuff without asking is that a red flag for hoarding?

    Believe me, it's not ruining my day. My car needed to be cleaned. But just the idea that the took it upon himself to decide what I needed and what I didn't was upsetting to me.

    So, do I give him a kiss for cleaning up my car or a punch in the jaw for throwing out my stuff?
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    Senior Member UltraliteAngler's Avatar
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    Divorce.
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    I do not suggest divorce, but I am not okay with anybody throwing out my stuff period.

    I have major issues with clutter and I think it's fair for a partner to request I deal with clutter that gets in their way, but no way would throwing out clothes or other possessions of mine without consulting me be okay.

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    Well, yes and no. He knows you and what you would answer to the question regarding stuff more than we do. He is the one listening to you and living with you. Think back to what you have talked to him about in regards to stuff and cleaning out and such.

    Sometimes I have gotten in cars that the driver says is a "bit cluttered" and they are a mess and sometimes a dirty mess. No idea what yours was like and whether you and your husband have hugely different ideas on cleanliness of cars.

    Note: It is almost a safety issue around here to leave nothing (and I mean nothing) in your car if parked anywhere other than in a secure garage.

    I suspect a Thank You and a pleasant request to not throw stuff away again might work.

  5. #5
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler View Post
    Divorce.
    I'm assuming that's one of your sarcastic/sardonic answers?...

    Just looking for a reality check-- I truly don't want to overreact. And to be honest, I'm already chill about it. What the heck. It was a pair of boots and a hat. I can probably find most receipts on credit card statements. I just feel if it were me cleaning out his car, I simply would have put his stuff in a bag and brought it home and asked him to sort through it.
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    Simpleton Alan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    Am I overreacting? If I'm freaking out about him giving/throwing away my stuff without asking is that a red flag for hoarding?

    Believe me, it's not ruining my day. My car needed to be cleaned. But just the idea that the took it upon himself to decide what I needed and what I didn't was upsetting to me.

    So, do I give him a kiss for cleaning up my car or a punch in the jaw for throwing out my stuff?
    I don't think you have to worry about hoarding, you're just upset because he made decisions for you without giving you the benefit of input.
    So, on the scale of kiss him or punch him, I'd vote for somewhere in between. Maybe give him a passionate embrace, nibble on his ear and whisper "Thanks for all you do, but if you throw away my stuff again, I'll draw blood"
    "Things should be made as simple as possible, but not one bit simpler." ~ Albert Einstein

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    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alan View Post
    I don't think you have to worry about hoarding, you're just upset because he made decisions for you without giving you the benefit of input.
    So, on the scale of kiss him or punch him, I'd vote for somewhere in between. Maybe give him a passionate embrace, nibble on his ear and whisper "Thanks for all you do, but if you throw away my stuff again, I'll draw blood"
    Good one, Alan! I'll give that a try.. even though it might be too late because I already read him the riot act and now he's licking his wounds.. A little "making up" might be in order.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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    Senior Member razz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by catherine View Post
    I'm assuming that's one of your sarcastic/sardonic answers?...

    Just looking for a reality check-- I truly don't want to overreact. And to be honest, I'm already chill about it. What the heck. It was a pair of boots and a hat. I can probably find most receipts on credit card statements. I just feel if it were me cleaning out his car, I simply would have put his stuff in a bag and brought it home and asked him to sort through it.
    Thank him but make him aware that he threw out stuff that you needed. "In future, please pack up what is in the car as it is part of my office space with receipts and records that I need".

    May I say that he sounds like a little kid who overdoes things due to boredom? Nope, I better not.
    Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony .

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    I am not quite following--why would someone throw out clothes and new box of cookies and brand new wrapping paper? That does not make sense to me. Did you ask him why he did this?

  10. #10
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tybee View Post
    I am not quite following--why would someone throw out clothes and new box of cookies and brand new wrapping paper? That does not make sense to me. Did you ask him why he did this?
    I'm not quite sure myself, which is why I reacted--I was especially concerned that he hadn't thrown out the UPS box with all my interview materials in it--(which he hadn't). But still.. I did find it strange. When I asked, he told me he never saw me wearing the hat (true I don't wear it a lot but I do wear it), and he thought wrapping paper is just wrapping paper.

    And I guess I always figure that why would you pay someone to clean your car when you can do it yourself, so part of me is thinking, that's $20 for the cleaning and almost $100 for the replacement cost of the stuff he got rid of. I simply asked him to get me an oil change, and, to razz's point, he went overboard thinking he was 'doing me a good turn."
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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