And at the risk of sounding hopelessly old fashioned, you might end up with a good friend even if not a romantic partner. Friends are good :-)Originally Posted by UltraliteAngler
And at the risk of sounding hopelessly old fashioned, you might end up with a good friend even if not a romantic partner. Friends are good :-)
One of my son's best friends dated a woman significantly older (probably similar age difference) and they almost married. She was extremely fit and beautiful (a fitness trainer and into vegan nutrition). But they broke up ultimately. The break-up had nothing to do with the age difference.
So go for it, UA!
Oh, gee, I forgot the example of my own mother, who was 38 when she married my 28 year-old stepfather. He walked into an instant family of 4 kids and a cougar, and he was just great. He was like a big brother.
"Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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There are some issues that do/will tend to turn up. The gal I asked to marry me, was 9 years older, and she didn't like some comments from those who thought she must have been my older sister (close enough to be able to finish sentences). Her mom was dating someone six months older then me.
Medical stuff can throw a kink into it, or drive you closer. I have a gal I have known for years, and one day she came in with another friend of mine, who is about 21 years her senior. They dated for a while and had a great time, and then he suffered a severe head trauma. If he weren't in the shape he is in, he wouldn't have survived, and it drove them closer, and they married.
We had a member here, who left (Redfox). You can go read her posts and see the differences. The big issue I saw with that one, is her husband was needing to put money away for his eventual retirement and needed the compounding time. She was close enough to retirement, to start pulling out his money, so he would have none.
Other then that, I have had several older women hit on me, that was not the issue, the issue has commonly been, they tend to be ex-wives of friends. One instant where a friend once told his daughter, there is your grandfather, due to his mom having a crush on me, and years ago hitting on me when her husband passed.
Age is part state of mind, part experiences, part knowledge, and part physicality.
Duly noted. Though we have not had a second date yet, so we'll see. I am just going to take it as it comes.
UA, what are you contributing to the relationship? You appear to be judging her based on age, her responses to your queries. Any stable relationship has to be based on a friendship, IMO. Previous relationships as you have shared here seemed to have been primarily sexual with limited friendships resulting. Please correct me if I have read those posts wrongly.
As Cicero said, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.”
You certainly read this thread wrong. We went on one date, and it seemed to have gone well. But there is no real relationship yet. Relationships of the romantic variety tend to require more dating, more getting to know each other, doing fun or interesting things together, building a bond, supporting each other, encouraging each other, and onward until a life partnership has been formed. Have you ever had a romantic relationship or a life partnership?
I just have to remember that you are fairly new when I read things like this.
I do think razz has a good idea of characteristics of a supportive, long term relationship.
I read that, too. Razz, I am sorry for your loss.I just have to remember that you are fairly new when I read things like this.
I do think razz has a good idea of characteristics of a supportive, long term relationship.
Just to be a little contrary here - my husband and I are not friends. We have never been friends. The men I have been friends with are nothing like him. But we love each other immensely. We have been married almost 27 years, together 31. I cannot imagine life without him. He says I am the thing in his life that he did absolutely right.
the things we have in common are things you don't share with "friends". Not even just the "friends with benefits" things. We enjoy building a home together, we love doing stuff with our kids, there are a few activities we both like, but mostly the activities we enjoy together are based on the fact that the person who isn't all that interested enjoys seeing how much fun the other person is having. we also have our own interests that we pursue separately - which gives us both time to do that without feeling like the other is being left out or ignored.
friendships tend to be built on common interests and viewpoints. Ours have always been more complementary.
the things only one of us like to do complement each other. He fixes my car. I grow his food. Often over the years one of us has looked at the other and said "I'm glad you like to do that." He talks cars with his friends. I talk gardens with mine.
We started out with sex and common goals. We discovered that we made great partners to reach those goals, and our relationship became about our relationship - we make each other happy because we enjoy making each other happy. My dd once said "mom and dad don't like any of the same things, but mom really likes dad, and dad really likes mom. It works."
UA, carry condoms and spermicide! That way you won't accidentally impregnate somebody who probably wouldn't want a baby after a quickie.
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