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Thread: Wishing I could figure out the friend thing

  1. #1
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    Wishing I could figure out the friend thing

    Yesterday I was noticing that I am watching "tv" (online) too much again. And I realized I am watching shows with weird, socially disfunctional characters because they are comforting. I am lonely and I want to hang out with the characters.

    i was telling dh about a social interaction that didn't go well at the foodbank yesterday and he said "we have a guy at work who always tells too much truth. You'd love him." And I asked "can you bring him home to dinner?" Dh laughed. I said " seriously." He said "no."

    I told him I need to do something about my social life. "My best friends are 16 y.o. Autistics kids" ("aspbergers" is now "high functioning autism") he said "it's about where you hang out."

    So I asked where I should hang out and he just said "I don't know, I have no friends because I'm always at work or working on this house." (Or playing racquetball after work on Mondays, golf group after work on Tuesdays, racquetball or soccer on Wednesdays, stopping off at the bar with guys from work on Fridays. - I'm not complaining, I just don't think that was an honest statement, so don't feel too sorry for him)

    i remember having a conversation with one of my best friends from college about how his mom would get upset with him because neighborhood kids would come over and ask if he wanted to come out and play and he would ask " and do what?" And when they would suggest something he'd give a response like "no, I'd rather read." And go back inside. Made sense to me.

    is there a "dating" app where you can list "socially disfunctional overly honest introvert with the following interests seeks friends within a 15 minute drive who will go home unoffended when told to, for conversation during parallel activities"?

    yes, I know that's funny. It's also serious. Part of the problem with my life is that people laugh in the wrong places.

  2. #2
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chicken lady View Post
    is there a "dating" app where you can list "socially disfunctional overly honest introvert with the following interests seeks friends within a 15 minute drive who will go home unoffended when told to, for conversation during parallel activities"?


    I don't know if there's an app for that, but sounds tempting to me, CL. Too bad you don't live in Central Jersey!
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  3. #3
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Interesting dilemma. There is a fair amount of friend shopping on the sites I visit. I dont have any answers for ya, CL.

  4. #4
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    one suggestion for you, since you are anti-social try a few activities with other people for a limited time.

    Say, some kind of class that meets once or twice a week for an hour?

    It is easier to commit for a limited time and see where it leads.

    Even some volunteer work might be good.

    If not for work and church, I would never leave the house...........

  5. #5
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    Quilt guild? Polymer clay group? (I threw that in because with your ceramics background, you might be a natural.) Book club?

    Maybe You could teach a class to adults with autism? I think there's quite an overlap between people with Asperger's and so-called neurotypical people. IMO, Asperger's is just another variation of people, and not a pathology.

  6. #6
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    I love my job. The coworkers I like are all very busy and live 45 minutes or more away.

    i'm not a church person - too much honesty

    i'm volunteering 3x every 2 weeks at the food bank. It would be 4, but dh insists I stay home every other Thursday night (as Thursday's are his only night without a regular activity)

    there is EMT training 5 minutes from my house, I do not want to become an EMT. I looked into a quilting class at the library, but it was evenings, and required me to buy a bunch of supplies to make a project I didn't want. ("I'd rather read")
    when I take pottery classes I meet people I like. The studio is a good community. It is also over an hour from my house and most of the classes and all of the social events are in the evenings. I have an hour of chores to do in the evenings before I can go to bed. Most of my mornings start at 5:30.

    i realize that my schedule is not compatible with the schedules of most other people, but it is built around the things in my life that work well. (My marriage, my farm, my job) Screwing up all the things that work well in the hope of fixing one thing that doesn't seems stupid.

    we're beginning to see why I have no friends, right?

  7. #7
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    I don't know, it seems like if you have a real need, you "need" to meet it--it's like houses, it can be a great house but if there is something wrong with the location or the floorplan, you are never going to be at ease with it. I say change the schedule somehow to make time to meet some new friends.

  8. #8
    Senior Member herbgeek's Avatar
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    is there a "dating" app where you can list "socially disfunctional overly honest introvert with the following interests seeks friends within a 15 minute drive who will go home unoffended when told to, for conversation during parallel activities"?
    Too bad you aren't in central Massachusetts, because then we'd at least have a club of two members. I also don't have kids, so there isn't that common bond with a lot of folks. Substituting "my niece, my nephew" in kid conversations doesn't go over big with a lot of folks. I'm not particularly religious, I don't watch much TV or follow celebrities, movies, music etc. So if you were to map me and other people in a Venn diagram, there would not be much overlap.

    I'm not so sure about your socially disfunctional label. Honesty isn't popular, but I wouldn't call it disfunctional.

  9. #9
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    I have a friend (who often shows up when it is not convenient for me and also sometimes stays too long, but on the flip side has a really busy social life and is rarely available) who invited me to a pasta making party at her home some time ago.

    i said "how many people are coming, and do I know any of them and do they all know each other?" She described the guest list for me (the fact that she responded as if my response was normal is why we are friends) and I said "i don't know. I'd really like to learn how to make the pasta, but..." And she said "People." And I said "yeah." I didn't go.

    "too much honesty" is perhaps a tactful way of saying "no tact and over shares"?

  10. #10
    Senior Member JaneV2.0's Avatar
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    There's a graphic tee with the message "Eww--people" that I've thought about buying.

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