Clearing Out Parent's Home

[saguaro]

Bumping for an update again. Now it's Fall when sister said she would get a move on doing the estate sale and still no action taken as far as I know. I say "as far as I know" because sister is not communicating that much with me in spite of my reaching out to her and she is pretty much ignoring my out-of-state sister due to an issue (personal, nothing to do with estate) between them that I am staying out of. So the house is still sitting empty though she might be proceeding with her "house fixes" not advising either of us because she knows we will disagree. Well, she would be right about how we feel about the fixes if that's the case.

At this point, my stance is that she has a plan that she is actively executing (and communicates) and then we will have a discussion on how I can help her. Already, several "plans" have been abandoned because she constantly changes her mind, which has wasted a lot of mine and out of state sister's time.

I pretty much earmarked time to help sister this year but going forward, I think my time is going to be a lot more limited. I am pretty frustrated and sad 1) because this weekend marks one year since Dad passed and 2) nothing substantial has happened with the house. I honestly thought we would at least have the house cleaned out and on the market by now. I wouldn't have been concerned if no sale yet, just that having it ready for sale would have been progress all things considered.

I am getting contacted by family members inquiring about items they would like. A lot of the stuff belonged to our grandparents, and they would like grandma and grandpa's photo albums or grandpa's clock or the Name a Star star chart showing the star named after Grandma. Stuff like that, nothing that's greedy. And they report they have reached out to sister about genuinely wanting these things as momentoes and are getting put off or not getting responses.

[Teacher Terry]

Well that’s terrible. Can she decide alone to spend money from the estate to fix the house or does it need to be the 3 of you? Better to sell the house as is. IL, posted a story about someone losing money by doing that.

[saguaro]

Well that’s terrible. Can she decide alone to spend money from the estate to fix the house or does it need to be the 3 of you? Better to sell the house as is. IL, posted a story about someone losing money by doing that.

Yes, she can make the decisions herself, it was not set up to involve all 3 of us. I remember IL's story and it's why I have cautioned my sister not to do these fixes. There's no lien on the house for any nursing home care, but I have told her given the state of the house, it's not worth replacing the kitchen floor, or replacing the bathroom vanity or doing all the "things Mom wanted and didn't get done" which is a purely emotional and irrational decision IMHO. She doesn't want to hear that instead we may have to pay for fixes identified upon home inspection (who knows what those will be considering there's a lot of deferred maintenance on the house) so money should be held for that instead.

It's a neighborhood with a lot of old bungalows that are being bought, the interiors being completely torn out and rebuilt from inside. In some cases, the houses are torn down entirely. She doesn't want to hear that any new work we do could be torn out as soon as the sale paperwork is signed.

[Teacher Terry]

If you sell “as is” you don’t make any repairs before closing. The inspection is just a tool to let buyers know what they are facing once they close. We bought our last house this way. If the house money is to be split among the 3 of you she is wasting all of your money. This really is awful since you have no say in it. Talk about designed to create family fights. Ugh!

[iris lilies]

Our situation has changed a bit, although nothing is critical yet. DH’s father Is now in a nursing home and his house which sits on a farm that has many outbuildings all of which have 50 years accumulation of stuff Will have to be dealt with at some point.


I am not excited about this. Ha ha understatement. I am worried that at about the time that we will be downsizing to one house instead of two, DH will clear his dad‘s home along with his siblings and will come home with crap tons of the stuff. Oh joy, more Swiss cowbells and Swiss pictures of the family Homestead and Lederhosen and etc. etc.I am not clear what one is supposed to do with Swiss cowbells anyway.

He is there right now picking apples from his dad’s orchard because we cannot have too many apples! We have an entire refrigerator in our basement that holds apples. I did suggest to him that if his dad’s kitchen has a small mixing bowl or two to please bring Those home with him, but he is chary about that because he doesn’t want to start stripping his dads house of stuff without the knowledge of his siblings. And that is perfectly fine and perfectly reasonable. So I guess I will buy mixing bowls when I see them at Goodwill.

Because his dad’s farm is actively farmed by DH’s brother, and the brother is there every day to take care of farm animals, we know someone is looking after the place. But at some point it will be a giant PITA to deal with all of that. Fortunately the sister who is in charge of the estate is very practical and she values her family time at her own house which is out of state, so I do not anticipate That we will have to fuss over every tiny thing in that house. I imagine she will just want to get it sold

[SteveinMN]

I am not clear what one is supposed to do with Swiss cowbells anyway.

Why, play them, of course!
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-li...ve-nbc/3506001

[saguaro]

Oh joy, more Swiss cowbells and Swiss pictures of the family Homestead and Lederhosen and etc. etc.I am not clear what one is supposed to do with Swiss cowbells anyway.

LOL'd at this one.

Because his dad’s farm is actively farmed by DH’s brother, and the brother is there every day to take care of farm animals, we know someone is looking after the place. But at some point it will be a giant PITA to deal with all of that. Fortunately the sister who is in charge of the estate is very practical and she values her family time at her own house which is out of state, so I do not anticipate That we will have to fuss over every tiny thing in that house. I imagine she will just want to get it sold

Having someone around makes a big difference. Out of state sister and I both worry that the house will be broken into or vandalized one of these days. I decided that if that happens, I am leaving She Who Cannot Be Argued And Who Knows It All With to deal with it as I would consider it a consequence of her own making and could have been avoided.

Too bad, IL, that we can't clone your sister in law's spirit so she can take over the body of my sister. Your SIL is exactly what we need.

[iris lilies]

Why, play them, of course!
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-li...ve-nbc/3506001

Ok then, we will Explore the Space!

[SteveinMN]

Ok then, we will Explore the Space!

[Tybee]

IL, I had to laugh at the mixing bowl conundrum. We have the same issue going on with my parent's house. No one wants to take anything but we need to to prepare for when it is emptied. But nobody wants to upset my parents, and more significantly, no one wants to lose the way they lived in the house--their things are so them, and we miss them so much in that house.

I took a little silver pitcher that my mom won playing tennis and polished it up and it is sitting with a bouquet of roses that were going to get snowed on from the garden--the last roses of summer.

Take the mixing bowls. If the brothers want them later, give them to them. But it will feel really good for DH to use their mixing bowls.

My husband took some blue jeans and an LL Bean jacket. It makes us all feel closer to them, and that their things are going to good use.