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Thread: Clearing Out Parent's Home

  1. #61
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    My condolences on your loss, Saguaro.

  2. #62
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    So glad you got to spend time with your Dad before he passed. It is so hard.

  3. #63
    Senior Member catherine's Avatar
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    So sorry for your loss, saguaro. You are fortunate to have had the chance to be with him. I was with both my mother and my mother-in-law when they died, and I agree that it is a profound experience.

    Regarding your issues with your sister, grief can cause people to act in weird ways, so I think FloatOn's advice regarding your sister's outburst is correct. Hard to do. Families are difficult sometimes. But it sounds like you are each contributing in your own way to just getting the stuff in the house addressed.
    "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
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  4. #64
    Senior Member SteveinMN's Avatar
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    My condolences, Saguaro...
    If Americans expended even a fraction of the energy on civic engagement that we spend on consumer ideology, our democracy would be much healthier. Can you imagine people camping out to vote? -- Charles Roberts, Amherst, Mass., Nov. 25, 2006

  5. #65
    Senior Member beckyliz's Avatar
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    Adding my condolences. Take care of yourself.
    "Do not accumulate for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and thieves break in and steal. But accumulate for yourselves treasure in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, your heart is also." Jesus

  6. #66
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    Thanks to everyone for their condolences.

    Been on a hiatus online for the last few weeks, dealing with the memorial service which was over weekend following Thanksgiving and just overall trying to de-stress a bit.

    One thing my sisters and I did was unload 700 books. We found a reseller who would pick them up for a $50 fee. If the combined value was over $50, you would get a check for the difference. Well, we got a $120 check, which we split 3 ways. Given my sister was stressing over the trouble it would take to haul these things over to Goodwill, this was definitely a win. All we did was bring the books down from the attic and various other places, pile them in the living room and the resellers took care of the rest. Plus we got a little money for it.

    Sister seems to be a bit calmer (with me anyway) now though I understand things are now a bit tense between her and other (youngest) sister who lives out of state. In a nutshell, youngest sister stood up to her over demands on her time while she and BIL were here for the memorial service. Actually a long time coming as youngest sister has always had a problem setting boundaries, so we will see how this plays out over the next few months. Sister seems to be learning that maybe, just maybe we have both hit our limits with her so maybe she will modify her stance over having to go over every.single.thing in the house.

  7. #67
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    Adding my condolences also.

    If an item does not have special sentimental value, nor is a dealer interested in buying it, then I would suggest the responsible sister donate it to a thrift shop.
    Last edited by dado potato; 12-4-17 at 6:57pm.

  8. #68
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    My condolences as well.
    To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world. - Anon.

    Be nice whenever possible. It's always possible. - Dalai Lama

  9. #69
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    Bumping for an update. Things were going along and now it's come to a grinding halt.

    Over the winter, got a good part of the main floor of house cleared (junk, clothes, bedding mostly) except for furniture and whatever is going into the estate sale. Basement was a mess and after one day after Christmas that my sister and I spent cleaning, pitching and trying to get some order out of the chaos, sister (who is executrix) threw up her hands and said "I am going to let the estate sale folks handle it as they told me not to throw anything away". Sister and BIL have been over there during the winter to do small amounts of cleaning with me getting there when weather permitted and sister was a point where she needed my input or help.

    Things were looking like we were ready for estate sale plus sister was going to contact realtor about selling but now, she's telling both me and other sister (who lives out of state) that she won't sell for another year. Say what? And furthermore she won't get to the estate sale until fall. Selling season is in full swing here and it's pretty much a seller's market. I am surprised as I thought that she would want this off her back not to mention the money. Other sister and I are not happy about this, we both want this done.

    For one thing, she's caught up with all the family photos that are still left in the house. So, we get them out (I have offered to take some) and we can deal with later but no, she doesn't want that. She convinced we need to organize, scan and get them to other family members as a lot of the photos belonged to my grandparents. Fine but she's making it into something that has to come first. And she wants make improvements to the house, her focus is on getting done the things that "Mom wanted done but never happened because Dad got sidetracked". There's no need to make the improvements Mom wanted, Mom is no longer living there. This is purely emotional on her part. My take is that now that she can pull the trigger on selling, she's finding reasons not to. I understand it's hard but it needs to be done and keeping the house empty for an extended period of time (and in a big city neighborhood) makes it vulnerable to theft and vandalism, a concern sister dismisses because "the neighbors are retired and always around". She forgets that the time my parents' house was robbed 25 years ago was in broad daylight with retired neighbors on either side of us who were "around" and didn't see a thing.

    I have kept my mouth shut thus far because she does a lot of flip flopping and always changes her mind on what she's going to do next. Don't really know what my options are as she is the executrix and has the legal responsibility. I have indicated that I am willing to help to get this done as quickly and efficiently as possible but am not willing to put in more time if this is going to be dragged out.

  10. #70
    Senior Member iris lilies's Avatar
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    Omg, still dragging her feet with this! So sorry.

    It is so freeking obvious that you all can pile all photos into a box or boxes and cart them to someone’s home to be carefully dealt with later. It is important to get the estate sale set up, sell crap, haul off the rest of it, and then sell this house.

    If she wants to consider the family photos important assets of the estate, and not close out the estate until photos are copied and distributed, so be it. As long as all other significant resources are distributed, the status of photos probably wont matter much to you.

    convince her that the photo project is a big one and it needs her undivided attention, so everythhing else must be done first.

    Doing additional work on this house is ridiculous. Your position is reasonable.

    Ypur sister is emotional and illogical in this situation which is fairly typical of people.

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