boundaries,

[Zoe Girl]

I am struggling with boundaries with other people here. One ironic thing this weekend was my staff texted me at 6:45 and then 2 times after 10 pm on Friday. Part of her message was that she understood boundaries better. Texting me at those times, and trying to call me on Saturday, are not signs to me that you understand boundaries. I texted her Sunday night, that is when I pay attention to my phone again, and offered to meet with her before her shift today. I have not heard an answer.

I talked to one teacher and she is having issues with parents coming during planning time and staying a long time to talk. One of the families is also one of my families. I had to work with them so they don't try and talk to my staff for a long time while she is supervising children. They have had issues with things happening in my program but did not sit down for any meetings, they just wanted to run by me and shout issues. I spent all summer camp last year with them picking up late and staying to talk at least once a week.

So I am wondering if some people just don't feel cared for or connected when you do things like make an appointment or plan time to talk. To me that is showing you care to take that time. They seem to thrive on doing things in a way that is not about good boundaries. My sister's in-laws like to stop by without calling (they are better after 15 years). My parents don't knock, I do know they are coming ahead of time. However half of Iowa knows my life story, my mom cannot keep something to herself for anything. So we know that and don't tell her anything. I have had times when my sense of boundaries was not as good, and I remember seeming to get energy from that when I was in a bad place in my life. On the other side it can be a real energy sucker.

[iris lilies]

I would use this exact incident of your employee texting you with non-emergency information on her future performance review. I would use it as an example of her not using good judgment and use it as justification for her not getting a high rating. You talk about her and this issue a lot, time to document it.

[Zoe Girl]

So she did come in and talk to me today. According to my other staff she was not going to, she wanted to just leave it alone and not resolved. My other staff told her she really did need to talk to me. We talked about Friday and how it went and some of the issues. She apologized for being snippy about something, I hadn't noticed it as much as she did. I talked about some things, like this work is not black and white, so I made a judgment call about a game on Friday and that is my role to do that.

I did tell her to not call or text me outside of work hours, and didn't even put a please or sorry or anything 'softening' about it. It may be why this year I am getting more feedback that I am not so warm and fuzzy. Not necessarily in a bad way, but it is true. I made it clear (well clear to me) that I have worked hard to not work on weekends and to take my time off seriously, so I need my staff to respect that.

Whew,